Brokeback Mama

This past Monday I spent the day with my mom. You know, the Vince Vaughn fan. She had a doctor's appointment in an unfamiliar part of town, so she decided to drive over to our house and I would take her from here. Her appointment was at one o'clock, so I told her to be here around eleven and we would have lunch before we left. She lives around forty five minutes away; maybe an hour if there's traffic. In her usual fashion she arrived early, in this case a whole seventy-five minutes early, at 9:45. She always allows herself anywhere from 90 minutes to two hours to drive to our house, even though in the three years we've been here the trip has never taken her longer than an hour. Upon her early arrivals she always says the same thing: "I left EXTRA early, because you just NEVER KNOW!" As to the issue of why she is still driving at 84, I've tried asking her that same question but she couldn't hear me since she refuses to get a hearing aid because "they just don't work." I suspect you're starting to get the picture.

On an unrelated note, we had these conversations on the way to her appointment:

Mom: I've started drinking!

Me: Huh?

Mom: The doctor said it's good to have a glass of wine a day! I had one on Saturday, and boy did I get woozy!

Me: How much did you have?

Mom (using her thumb and forefinger to indicate a five inch tall glass): About that much.

Me: Wow. That's kind of alot if you're not used to drinking.

Mom: Like I said, boy did I feel woozy! Then I fell asleep.

Me: Hmmm...

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Me: What are you doing this week?

Mom: On Friday, Grace and I are going to see The Gay Movie.

Me: "Brokeback Mountain?" Really?

Mom: I don't know what it's called. I just know it's a western with gay people.

Me: Hmmm...

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