Thursday, September 24, 2009

Here Is A Story About a Trapped Penis

I hadn't posted for awhile and was working on something to put up today, but then I came across this little gem and knew that you'd much rather read about a trapped penis than any stories about my sub-par parenting. Personally, I'd rather read about a trapped penis than just about anything else in this world.

So the story is that the Fire Department Urban Search and Rescue team in Costa Mesa, CA responded to a call of a 'trapped penis.' What went through their minds when they got that call? A couple stuck together in an overzealous embrace? Jon Gosselin locked in a cage?

What they found was a man who, in an attempt to increase the size of his penis, had placed it through a "hole of a steel, ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener," according to a local news report. I guess he figured if he could just teach his penis to do 50-reps with a five-pound weight the thing would bulk up and no one would kick sand in its face anymore.

As an explanation the guy apparently told the Fire Captain, 'This will make me the chief of my tribe!" but all it did was restrict the blood flow to his chief-like part and caused it to swell so much that the weight couldn't be removed. They ended up having to take him to the hospital where they used a surgical saw to cut through the metal ring. "They also slid a little piece of metal between the collar and his thing, so if it slipped past it wouldn’t hit his thing," the Fire Captain said. I guess it just wouldn't look right if a person in his position actually used the word, 'penis.'

Is there a moral to this story? Maybe that you should be happy with what you have even though girls laugh at it, or maybe the lesson is not to try and make your penis bigger with any gym equipment, only pills that you see advertised in your Yahoo mail sidebar. Or maybe it's just a cautionary tale, that if I don't find something to write about soon you might be forced to read my next post, about the woman who got her boob stuck in a Thighmaster.

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