No pressure, Mindy Kaling, but my kids' future might depend on you

Speaking of Asians, we are big fans of Mindy Kaling over here. In fact, in one of my latest posts for mom.me I write about how I'd like for the actress to take over raising my kids if some catastrophe befalls me and my husband. (Just kidding. We all know that job will go straight to Oprah.)

We all love Mindy Kaling, and I think she’s a great role model. Not only is she the perfect combination of brains, beauty and kick-ass wit, but she’s incredibly stylish as well, which means my girls would not only welcome her, but her closet also with open arms. Here are a few other reasons why Mindy is the ideal person for my teen girls to look up to. Read more...

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Things we're eating: Ramen Bar

One of our favorite meals around here is something I call Ramen Bar. All I have to do is call out, "Ramen Bar" around dinnertime, and everyone stops what they're doing and comes running. And by 'come running' I mean they actually put their cell phones down and make their way to the kitchen.

When I've mentioned to people that I'm making ramen for dinner, I've gotten some judgy questions: "Is a 25¢ block of noodles really a sufficient meal?" "What about all that sodium? " "You're Asian, isn't ramen for dinner just a cop-out and a cliché?"

Once I've given them some serious side-eye, I explain that this isn't your dorm-room ramen. These are fresh noodles that you purchase from an Asian market, and with a bunch of different toppings – all fresh ingredients – laid out that everyone can choose themselves. My teens and their friends seem to especially like this – it's about time we let them make their own decisions, and there's nothing like being the boss of your soup.

Start with fresh noodles - you can find these in the refrigerated section of most Asian markets. Each package has two servings. Or only one if you want a larger portion. Our local ramen shop offers a 'large order' that comes in a bowl the size of a child's wading pool.

They usually have three different flavors available: Shoyu (soy sauce), Miso and Spicy Sesame. The  flavor refers to the broth packet that comes in the package, but this isn't the usual powder that comes in a foil packet that comes with Top Ramen – it's a liquid, slightly oily paste that you mix with boiling water to make your broth. If you're a purist you can even make your own (here's a good recipe from momofuku) but honestly I've been-there-done-that and the broth that comes with these fresh noodles is really good, so why bother? Use the extra time for sipping some cold saké.

Sidenote: While you're at the Asian market you should really pick up some of these to reward yourelf for all of your hard work:

Back to our ramen: Next, lay out a bunch of toppings. I've used slices of chicken, hard-boiled or fried eggs, tofu, cilantro, basil, sliced jalapeño, shredded cabbage, green onions and lime. This is probably more of a ramen/pho mashup of toppings – more traditional ramen toppings would be bean sprouts, sliced shiitake mushrooms, spinach, nori (seaweed), kamaboko (fish cake) and char siu (barbecued pork.) Really, the sky's the limit – just don't do anything weird like french fries or Oreos because then I'll have to send the Asian police to your door.

The broth concentrate goes into your bowl and covered with boiling water. Meanwhile, cook your noodles for 2 minutes, drain, and serve up into the broth with the toppings nearby. Yell out, "Ramen Bar" and watch your hungry family stampede over. Sort of.

(Not to imply that those store-bought, hard bricks of noodles don't have their place. This video of Hayao Miyazaki making ramen for his staff is one of my favorites. If Top Ramen is good enough for the director of 'Totoro', it's good enough for me.)

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I signed up to do NaBloPoMo (short for National Blog Posting Month) which is an online event where bloggers are challenged to post every single day of the month. This is only my third post out of twelve days, which is bad no matter how you do the math.



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5 Reasons to see 'MALEFICENT' at the El Capitan Theatre

This is not a post to try and convince you to see 'MALEFICENT,' because I know you'll be seeing it anyway. The combination of Angelina Jolie, Angelina Jolie's cheekbones, a feminist plot twist and stunning visuals is impossible for anyone to resist. No, this is to convince you to make sure you see 'Maleficent' on the gorgeous screen at the El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood. Angelina Jolie's cheekbones will thank you.

The 5 Reasons to see 'Maleficent' at the El Capitan Theatre

1) The pre-movie magic show by acclaimed magician Greg Wilson. This isn't just your average magic show where you get to see a rabbit being pulled out of a hat (although he does that, too.) Prepare to see Wilson's dazzling assistants get shot out of a cannon (well, not really but how did she end up in that box in the corner of the theater?) sawed in half and in half again (seriously, I still don't know how that works) and levitated with the help of a magic rope. Hurry – this live stage show is only running until July 6.

2) An exhibit featuring props and costumes from 'Maleficent.' This is your chance to get up close and personal with Maleficent’s gown and horns and peek into an intricate model of Sleeping Beauty Castle. Getting tired? You can also check out Aurora's bedroom.

3) A live performance by the El Capitan's house organist, Rob Richards. I've seen this many, many times and it never gets old. How often do you get to see an almost 100-year-old Wurlitzer played live? Kudos to the El Capitan for realizing the importance and impact of live music and for bringing it to young audiences.

4) It's not in a mall. Sure, there's something to be said for your theater being steps away from Forever 21 and Panda Express, but do you really want to see a fight between Maleficent and King Stefan on a screen the size of a postage stamp? Once you've seen a film in the plush, gorgeous, ornate El Capitan you may never want to see a movie anywhere else again. Besides, there's a Forever 21 right across the street in the Hollywood/Highland center (which also provides validated parking for the theater.)

5) You can reserve your seats, buy your tickets online and print them out at home. Avoid the lines at the box office and cruise right into the theater. This gives you more time to ponder your popcorn and drink selection. Even easier - select the VIP ticket option and your refreshments are included in the price of your ticket!

MALEFICENT is playing at the El Capitan Theatre through July 17. To buy tickets call 1-800-DISNEY6

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A plea for help made of gifs from 'Fight Club' and one from 'Grease'

A few days ago I appealed for help for my daughters' school but apparently no one heard me. So now, you leave me no choice but to re-tell my story and plea for funds using jerky moving pictures and movie captions.

Apparently the first rule of fundraising is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FUNDRAISING.

Let me break it down for you.

A few months ago the kids had to watch their beloved performing arts department get wiped out. 

It hasn't been an easy year. Everyone is carrying on but we know how they feel inside.

Now, because of a lack of funding, it's looking like the Senior Class of 2014 will be the first class in the high school's history NOT to graduate at the Hollywood Bowl.

GO AHEAD, KICK US WHEN WE'RE DOWN, UNIVERSE.

It doesn't feel good. It fact it hurts like a mutha.

Now everyone is stressing out trying to figure out how to come up with the down payment.

All of our appeals are falling on deaf ears. It's like we're the Amway salesman of high schools.

If we don't come up with the balance of the down payment, the kids won't get to graduate at the Hollywood Bowl, something they've been looking forward to for FOUR YEARS.

I KNOW I KNOW THERE ARE BIGGER PROBLEMS TO WORRY ABOUT.

But these kids have been through a lot this year, and man, you don't know how happy they would be with a great sendoff on their last day of school. 

If you or someone you know would like to help sponsor the Hollywood High Class of 2013, please leave your contact info here or email me at marsha_tm@yahoo.com.

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Something awful has happened that could be wonderful

If you've seen me ranting on Facebook or Twitter over the past couple of days you know that something unfortunate has happened at the girls' high school. In a nutshell, our beloved musical director has left to go elsewhere, leaving the performing arts department – the reason we went to the school in the first place – in shambles. As with most problems in this school district it had to do with money, or I should say a lack of it. And as with most things having to do with performing and the arts, there is lots of drama, some ego and hurt feelings involved, too. Throw in some sex and booze and you'd swear you were watching a miniseries on Showtime!

I'm not exactly sure what went down – I'm still trying to find out details but they seem to be hard to come by. There is secrecy and rumors and finger pointing, and lots of things being said that are prefaced with, "You didn't hear this from me, but..." (For some reason everyone has mistaken me for someone that can keep a secret, but I'm doing good so far.)

(And I'm not going to get into the main issue here, how THE ARTS ARE SO UNDERFUNDED, UNAPPRECIATED AND DEVALUED in this school district. How in education in general, sports are lauded and showered with money while ARTS PROGRAMS ARE ALLOWED TO WITHER AND DIE. No, I'm not going to get into it here, that's what ALL CAPS are for.)

But the bottom line is, the real victims here are the kids. This performing arts department is a shining beacon for a lot of students – many of them from the inner city – and to see it dying before our eyes is truly heartbreaking. And that is just what they are doing – destroying a program that has brought joy to many, won awards and inspired kids to pursue the arts. We even had Morrissey play our auditorium for crying out loud! Little did we know that when he sang, "You Have Killed Me" it would prove to be prophetic.

This has such personal implications for us, too. It's Kira's senior year, and this has put a damper on things to say the least. She tried for two years to get a spot in the glee club and she finally got in – as did Kiyomi – only to see the whole group crumble before they've even had their first performance.

And it was going to be a good one, too. They were set to perform at the opening of the newly remodeled Tom Bradley International Terminal at LAX. I wished the music director had stayed on just long enough to give the kids this opportunity, but it's not going to happen. Honestly, if I could carry a tune and had any idea how to coach a high school choir, I would do it myself. *cue telepathic waves to Will Schuester, who is a fictional TV character but would be perfect nonetheless*

Many of the kids are being enticed to follow the music director to his new position at the other school. And it was tempting at first – the school is new, shiny, and has a gorgeous campus. But we let the girls make their own decision, and Kira decided she didn't want to disrupt her senior year, especially since we are already a month into the new semester. Kiyomi is only slightly toying with the idea of going to a new school altogether, one that has a film department (and a greater abundance of hot guys.)

And luckily, there are teachers – excellent teachers – that have decided to stay on and are vowing to try and keep the program alive. They deserve our faith and support, now, and I hope that everyone remaining will stand by them. It will be an uphill battle for sure, as the drumbeat of, "We have no money," is loud and constant.

Who knows – maybe the person that comes in to run the department will be amazing (or hot, even!) Maybe the change up will create new, better opportunities for the kids that decide to stay. Maybe the absence of the musicals will allow the other productions to shine. Maybe some celebrity or benefactor will realize that the legacy of the legendary Hollywood High School is in jeopardy and will write a huge check that'll solve all of our problems. Hey, a girl can dream.

But here's what we're working on now: Trying to give our girls some optimism that sometimes change is good. That there is strength through adversity. That nothing ever stays the same, and when life gives you lemons you get your bad self busy making lemonade. (And for the adults, that a little vodka in that lemonade might take your mind off of school issues for a minute or so.)

What we are hoping is that the kids will band together and carry on the legacy of the school that has given them so much. That they'll realize they can thrive in spite of this setback, and get inspired to create something that shows just how resilient they are. It could be magical. Wonderful, even.

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Lunch at Farmer's Market, in Short Order

This is not a sponsored post. We paid for our own food, damnit.

Last Sunday was another CicLAvia event, where they close off long stretches of roads in L.A. exclusively for bicyclists and pedestrians. The girls and I participated in our usual way – by figuring out what nice restaurant is at the end of the route and then meeting Rigel – who bikes from start to finish – there for lunch. We had the ridiculous thought of actually riding with him, but you know – tired. And hungry. The only way we might consider it is if we could hook up with this genius crew:



Luckily CicLAvia always seems to end at a nice dining spot – last time it was the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, and this year it was in the Miracle Mile district. The girls and I decided to meet Rigel at The Original Farmer's Market adjacent to The Grove. That way we could eat and shop while while waiting to meet up – in other words, while Rigel was working for ways to reduce his carbon footprint, we were working on ways to increase it tenfold.

We love the Farmer's Market for its old-fashioned stalls and variety of foods, but on this day we opted for a new sit-down spot we hadn't tried before, Short Order. I'm not gonna lie, the reasons we picked this place were not because of some glowing Yelp review or on the recommendation of one of my foodie friends. We picked it because:

1) We found a parking spot right in front.
2) We didn't feel like looking for a place to eat because – tired.
3) The girls spotted a couple of cute waiters and so the food must be awesome.

But we made the right choice. I found out that Nancy Silverton (La Brea Bakery, Campanile, Mozza) is one of the people behind it and menu items are all made with with locally raised and organic ingredients.

I started with their Fresh Ginger Ale. So good.

Then I had their Cobb Salad. Note that I had no intention whatsoever of ordering a salad when there were so many awesome burgers on their menu, but this one came with a FRIED EGG ON TOP. Yes, those all-caps were to symbolize my love for anything with a FRIED EGG ON TOP. I even have an entire Pinterest page dedicated to it. Go ahead, behold Things That Are Better With A Fried Egg On Top.

It was the best Cobb Salad ever. And not just because it had a FRIED EGG ON TOP.

The service was great, prices are reasonable (my Cobb was $12) and they have two nice patios (upstairs and downstairs) for dining al fresco. Oh, and the waiters were pretty cute. We can't wait to go back – maybe next time we'll ride our bikes there.

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How to Interact With Your Teen Without Embarrassing Everyone

This is my latest post over at Mom.me, where I talk about what you can do to avoid embarrassing your teens. Unless what you really want to do is embarrass your teens, in which case just do completely the opposite of what my article says. Actually the whole thing is just an excuse to watch this video of a cat in a shark costume chasing a duck while riding a Roomba. You're welcome.

There is a video circulating around that you may have seen—it’s of a cat dressed as a shark riding a vacuum and chasing a duck, and it’s the most fabulous thing in the world. I didn’t want to keep this genius all to myself, so I tried to show it to my 14-year-old. She did the “talk to the hand” gesture (don’t teenagers know that maneuver is so five minutes ago?) and said, “Mom, stop 'showing me things on the Internet.'”

She said this with that last part framed with a hefty pair of air quotes, and by the tone of her voice you would have thought I’d just shown her something offensive, like pigs being herded into a bacon factory or people over 30 kissing. Read More...



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Blick Art Room Aid: Saving art in our schools!

A couple of weeks ago I told you about the important role art has played in my life, and those around me. Then I made an off-color joke and I confessed to eating an eraser, two things that are the basis of around 99% of my blog posts.

But wait, there's more.

I also mentioned Art Room Aid from Blick Art Materials, a program that helps teachers by enlisting the help of parents, families, friends, and other art advocates to fund art projects to keep art alive and well in their classrooms and in the lives of their students.

With budgets for the arts being cut in our school district at an alarming rate, teachers are often forced to pay for supplies out of their own pockets, or forgo art altogether. I don't know about you, but I don't want my kids – or anyone's kids – to grow up not having art in their curriculum. This concern is multiplied for kids in inner-city schools, who might not have the opportunities to gain exposure to the arts outside of their classroom.

As some great philosopher once said (Or maybe I heard it on Family Guy) "Man does not live by math, science and freshman English 101 alone." Whoever said it it's absolutely true, and why a program like Art Room Aid is so important – and why I'm so excited to be a part of it.

Another reason? I have the opportunity to partner with my sister – who has been a teacher in an inner-city school in the Los Angeles Unified School District for 37 years – to help her see her own project come to fruition with the help of Art Room Aid. (That's right – thirty-seven years. Don't complain about being at your Forever 21 cashier job for two months.)

She's embarking on a project with her 2nd grade class called Creating Young Artists for Upcycling, and we're hoping to get all of her supplies covered. Here's what she has to say about the project:

"The title of our current literacy unit is: 'Let's Create!' We've read some articles and stories about people who have used the process of repurposing materials to create works of art, and so in our classroom discussions, I've asked my students to consider what items and/materials they might utilize from their home environments to create their own works of art.

I'm excited to see what they will produce"

I'm thrilled to be able to help out my sister's class, and to be supporting this project for kids who might not have many opportunities to be exposed to the arts. And you can help if you like – check out our wish list here, and you can donate any amount you can. My sister - and her entire class of budding artists – will greatly appreciate it.

Here's a look at their project and their materials they're requesting:

Blick Art Room Aid is a fantastic way for art educators and parents to share projects and get the word out about much-needed supplies, and a way for communities to support our teachers and our children. You can start your own project (it's free!) or search for other projects to aid by going to the Blick Art Rooom Aid home page.

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I am participating in this project via The Motherhood, who will be donating some funding to our project. This is also a compensated post, but all opinions and off-color remarks are 100% mine. 

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Party like a YouTube star

A couple of weeks ago Rigel and I were invited to a party and we took the girls with us. Not only that, but it was at a restaurant called Pink Taco, located on the Sunset Strip. You might be asking yourself, "What kind of crazy people take their teenagers to a party in the middle of Hollywood at a Mexican joint with a name that is slang for lady parts?" We asked ourselves this, too, but their tasty yet strong margaritas made it hard to answer our own questions.

But this wasn't just any party, it was a party being thrown by the awesome people at Nintendo, part of their sneak peek weekend to intro their upcoming Wii U system. But besides that and the excellent guacamole, there was another reason we had to come: there were a few celebrities Kiyomi wanted to stalk meet and Kira - well, she just likes a good party.

I've got to tip my hat to Nintendo, because they really do have a beat on the teen market. While other brands are busy catering to young kids, or adults with young kids, or babies still in the womb – Nintendo manages to get into the teenage brain, sort through all the Cheeto dust and find what they really want.

Case in point: The celebrities they had at this gatherings were YouTube stars, and if you know anything about anything you know that these young, talented, hip personalities are like superheros to teenagers and are going to take over the world someday. (Sorry, you old, tired celebrities that don't have YouTube channels.) When Kiyomi found out she was going to be in the same room with a few of these dudes, I believe her exact words were, "MY LIFE IS COMPLETE." I think the only time I've ever uttered those words was when I discovered I could buy Pringles at the gas station.

(Seriously, if you want to impress your teenager and up your hipness quotient without squeezing into a pair of skinny jeans and putting on a beret, memorize these names and check out their YouTube channels.)

Adam Robertson
Jimmy Wong
Joey Graceffa
Luke Canard
Alex Carpenter

There were more there, but these are Kiyomi's faves. She made cards for each of them, proving the apple doesn't fall far from the social media tree:

(This one was for Michael Aranda, who wasn't there that night. If you're reading this, Michael, your card's waiting for you.)

These guys were all so super sweet to my girls, taking the time to chat and take pictures.  But here's the thing about teenage girls who aren't yet YouTube stars – they don't like having their photos posted on the internet. So here's the only one I was allowed to show, Adam Robertson laughing along with Kiyomi's arms. We're hoping Adam makes a YouTube video of Kiyomi's arms and it goes viral and her arms become superstars:

One of her faves, Jimmy Wong, wasn't at the party but when he received his card (via the spectacular Justine Hanks) he sent Kiyomi an email and a photo. See? Super sweet.

Jimmy Wong has a special place in my heart because he made this video last year in response to that racist rant by that awful UCLA student. I wonder what she's doing now? I'll bet she's not partying with Nintendo. *evil laugh*



I asked Kiyomi to sum up her YouTube celeb encounters and this is what she said: "Meeting all those YouTube people was super cool!!! They were all really nice and friendly and THEY'RE A LOT TALLER IN PERSON WOW." There you have it. Nice AND tall – what more could you ask for?

The next morning we headed out to Siren Studios in Hollywood to actually try out the Wii U and a few of their new games. Sadly, the YouTube guys weren't there but there was still plenty of things for my girls to swoon over. You can read all about our day and our experience with the Wii U over here. Check it out before the Nintendo Wii U is released on November 18!

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Broke and in love? Bring your Valentine to Cirque du Soleil's OVO for FREE!

A couple of weeks ago I was lucky enough to get invited to see Cirque du Soleil's latest production, OVO. I'm a big fan of Cirque du Soleil, but I have to admit to having a little bit of skepticism with each new show, wondering if they'll be able to top their previous production. Will the acrobats fly a little further, the jugglers juggle a little higher? I keep thinking the only way they'll outdo themselves is if they pick up the entire audience and hurl them into a huge waiting net in the parking lot, feed them dinner and then plunk them back into their seats.

Read more about the show and the FREE ticket here!

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You had to be there

When Kiyomi was in elementary school she had a love-hate relationship with a girl I'll call E. They'd known each other since first grade, and went from intensely hating each other to being best buddies who couldn't wait to get together on the weekends for a playdate. While E could be sweet, she could also get aggressive and I know at least a couple of moms who had discouraged their daughters from hanging around her too much. She did have a bad habit of digging her little 9-year-old fingernails firmly into other kids' wrists.

Her parents weren't the most involved parents, but they weren't the worst, either. I knew them casually and thought they were friendly enough, and E seemed like a pretty happy kid in spite of always craving attention. But don't they all? Rigel and I often remarked that she was one of those kids you just wanted to like – that little button nose and bobbed hair and she was super polite, in an Eddie Haskell-ish kind of way.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago - Kiyomi was getting a 'Student Of The Month' Award along with a few other kids and there was a small ceremony in the auditorium towards the end of the school day. I definitely wanted to be there since she's graduating this year and I figured it might be the last of these types of ceremonies where I could get all teary-eyed and embarrass the hell out of her. But I promised I wouldn't clap too loudly and I left my big foam hand at home, the one that has, "#1 Girl" silkscreened on its pointer finger.

I took a seat and a few minutes later someone ran up and hugged me. It was E. She and Kiyomi hadn't hung around much since they started middle school three years ago, and I had only seen her a handful of times on campus. She said she was getting an award, too, and I told her how tall she'd gotten and how pretty she looked. Then I asked her where her mom or dad were, so I could say a quick hello before the ceremony started.

After I asked, I immediately wanted to take my words back because she looked so uncomfortable. "Um, they aren't here. They're too busy." Her words trailed off, and I tried my best to change the subject by asking her about her hat. Because I'm smooth like that.

The ceremony got under way, and the teacher who was leading the whole thing started off by telling all the kids to go sit with their parents. A reasonable request, but I knew there were at least a few kids in the audience who didn't have anyone from their family there and it made me cringe. (Only the first of things this teacher did that made me cringe, but that's a topic for another time.)

All these kids are a supportive bunch, so there was no shortage of clapping and shout-outs when the kids went up to accept their awards, whether their families were there or not. But then the teacher had to start talking about how grateful all the kids should be to their parents, who were so supportive and had taken time out from their busy days to be at the ceremony, and how they needed to give their parents a big hug. NOW.

Hugs from teenagers are hard to come by these days, so I gladly took mine from Kiyomi, but still couldn't help but feel badly for E and the other kids who were there alone. Then someone tapped me on the shoulder, and it was E standing in front of me.

"Can I give you a hug?"

My heart just about broke into a million pieces. I gave her a big hug, and then I talked her into taking a couple of silly pictures with Kiyomi.

I'm willing to give the parents the benefit of the doubt. We're all busy, maybe her parents just absolutely couldn't get away from work, maybe E didn't let on how much she wanted them there. There are a mind-boggling number of events that parents are expected to attend throughout the school year and there's no way we can make it to all of them. I even skipped Back-To-School night this year and I didn't even have a really good reason, except that I was exhausted, although I was ready with a carefully thought-out "Sinkhole ate our house" excuse in case any of the teachers inquired.

But this was kind of a big deal. There are over two thousand kids in this school, so for a handful to be singled out is an honor, one that doesn't happen every day and from what I've seen they pretty much stop with the awards once high school starts. After all of the hand-wringing and worrying about our kids doing well in school I can't imagine not being there when all their hard work is recognized.

I regret that the teacher didn't choose his words more carefully and wish he hadn't put so much emphasis on the parents physically being there. I wish he'd had the sensitivity to say something comforting to the kids who were there alone. I'm kind of kicking myself that I didn't ask E to come sit with us earlier in the ceremony. I wish middle school and being 13 wasn't so damn awkward and hard already without some sad moment getting magnified and maybe hurting more than it should. But most of all I really wish someone had shown up for E.

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HalloweenTime at Disneyland: Teenagers Unleashed Edition

A couple of weeks ago we were invited to Disneyland and Disney California Adventure to check out the park in all it's Halloween Time glory. I've said this before, but Disneyland is one of those places that my teenage daughters, 13 and 15, still get as excited about as when they were 3 and 5. What is it about this place that makes them squeal like a couple of toddlers in an all-you-can-eat ice cream store? And here's the true test: A trip to Disneyland still works as an effective bribe, even on a couple of jaded teens. Just one mention of, "Clean up the living room or we're not going to Disneyland" and I practically had to hold them back from shining the hardwood floors with their tongues.

Read the whole thing here!

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On her way

Last night Kira played a 45-minute gig out on the patio of a local Italian restaurant. I should add that she booked the gig herself, made all the arrangements with the manager and performed from a playlist of songs that she learned entirely on her own. Not a small feat for a 15-year-old. As you can tell the girl doesn't wait around for things to happen - the day she was born is a little fuzzy to me now, but I think I remember her sending out an ETA bulletin and a breast milk order ahead of her arrival.

 Her playlist.

She did allow Rigel to carry in a microphone and an amp and set them up, but beyond that she didn't really want us involved. I don't even think she was too keen on having us in the audience, but I begged and pleaded because I heard they serve a killer penne arrabiata there and besides - who leaves their fifteen-year-old in the company of a bunch of strangers at a show? I've heard Miley Cyrus' downward spiral started when her parents left her alone at one of her arena gigs armed with only a cell phone and a tour bus, so I wasn't taking any chances.

Anyone who knows Kira is aware that she has a singular vision in mind for her future, one that she's had as long as I can remember - to carve out a career as a musician. In fact, when Rigel once asked her if she had a Plan B in case the whole music thing didn't pan out she replied, "No, because having a 'Plan B' means you don't have any faith in your 'Plan A.'" And while we try and urge caution and practically - really, what can you say to drive and determination that is that fierce? Decide what we're going to wear to opening night at Madison Square Garden, that's what.

Here's a short video of awful quality of one of her songs last night. As I mentioned, she didn't exactly want us front and center waving a lighter like we usually do, so I had to sit off to the side and in the back, which just happened to be right under the air conditioning unit. Also, this was the only video I shot that didn't have the screams of a gaggle of out-of-control boys at the yogurt shop next door. Just appreciate it in the same way you would some early footage shot backstage at CBGB's. Minus the drugs and hookers.



But in spite of the noise, the dirty dishes being cleared, the hum of conversation and the traffic speeding by in the background, I have to say - she sounds perfect to me.

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One thing off my bucket list

Rigel and I have been trying to get the girls to sing together forever now with no success. In the rare times that they happen to belt out a few bars just for fun, we can tell that they harmonize really well and have encouraged them to perform together. We've even tried blackmailing them, but apparently the threat of showing up at their school in our underwear doesn't hold the weight it used to. They just say, "Again?"

Unfortunately, like most things we suggest that would require them to stand close to each other for more than five seconds, asking them to even sing a short tune together is met with screams of "OMIGOD NO" and "NEVERRRR!" Sometimes they throw in retching noises and grab at their throats just for effect.

In fact, back on May 20 on the eve of "Armageddon" as we were waiting to be picked up in that handbasket, we were sitting around contemplating what our last earthly wishes would be and I laid out my list. Along with firm thighs and a chance to sip a martini poolside with George Clooney, I told my girls that hearing them sing together was one of my main requests.

Kiyomi didn't even ponder my words for a second before she said, "Well, good luck with that," and Kira wasn't any more sympathetic - she just shrugged and said, "So sad the world will end without that happening for you, MOM."

Last Friday was the last day of their summer camp and all the kids put on a concert. The girls' favorite part about the session is that they all break off and form their own music groups, and get to perform a song they wrote.

Imagine our surprise when we saw the girls take the stage together:



Of course, when Rigel and I brought up the fact that they had fulfilled our lifelong dream, Kiyomi said, "Yeah, by the time we realized what was happening we were horrified but it was too late." No matter - I can cross that one off my bucket list and finally concentrate on my thighs.

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Too much to ask

Kiyomi (yesterday): So, mom - what are you REALLY hoping to get for Mother's Day tomorrow? And don't say 'love,' That's just lame.

Me (only half-joking): What would be awesome is if you were in a good mood for the entire day.

Kiyomi (after giving this request some serious thought. As if I had just asked her for a kidney): Oh, ALRIGHT. I'll give you until 8:30 tomorrow night.

It's 11:30am and so far so good. Hope springs eternal.

Happy Mother's Day Everyone! May you be blessed with the simple things in life.

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Tina Fey's Biggest Fan Turns 15

Kira turns 15 today. I'm amazed and sad at the same time. How did that happen? It seems like just yesterday she was propelling her 10-pound body out of that 6-inch incision in my stomach. (Yes, ten pounds. High-five to whoever invented the epidural.)

I'm not going to go on and on here about what a great kid she is (straight-A student! Member of the Young Feminists Club at her school!), partly because I've said it before but mostly because I've got a million things to do before forty-two kids descend on our house for her party on Saturday. Did I mention they're all high schoolers? Did I mention a lot of them are boys? I wonder if I can get my hands on an epidural by this weekend.

(This is the first high-school party we're hosting - what should I feed them? Soda and potato chips? Iced mochas and pizza?  Also, what's the best way to confiscate beer and cigarettes from a teenager? I heard a light chokehold works best, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.)

We're taking her out to her favorite restaurant tonight (Mexican, of course) and as for her gift, we bought her tickets to this, the only thing she asked for:

Because don't all 15-year-old girls want to see a 40-year-old woman and a 65-year-old man talk on stage?

Anyone who knows Kira is aware that she's a HUGE Tina Fey fan, that she never misses an episode of 30 Rock, that she's watched all the repeats of SNL that she was on, that she uses Liz Lemon as part of her Facebook name. So this gift won't seem strange, but it raised the hackles of another parent I mentioned it to and I spent more than a few minutes explaining that Kira really would not know what to do with a Justin Bieber duvet cover.

Or a Twilight Bra:

Instead, she'll get the tickets along with this card I found:

 

After all, I figure a smart, successful, funny, talented writer/actress isn't such a bad role model for a kid these days, right? So here's to you Tina Fey, for making our gift giving easy this year. And for not putting your face on a duvet cover. Yet.

But most of all here's hoping my lovely, sweet Kira, who I love with all my heart, has a birthday to top all birthdays and a blissful year ahead. As Liz Lemon would say, You want to go there.

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This is just nuts

I have a confession to make. No, it's not about my reptile feet. I hope you're sitting down for this one.

I just tried Nutella for the first time last year. What.

Stop yelling.

For some reason, Nutella wasn't ever on the table of this Asian American growing up in South Central. Spam sandwiches, yes. Fancy spread made with hazelnuts and a 'hint of cocoa'? Not so much. I don't think I'd even heard of it until a few years ago, and even then I figured it was just some other mutant form of peanut butter. You know, peanut butter with different nuts or something like that. Hey, calm down.

So last year I finally gave in and bought a jar just to see what all the fuss was about. So that I wouldn't be left out at gatherings when the talk turned to Nutella and all it's amazing qualities. Seriously, I've seen people's eyes glaze over when they start talking about this stuff, saying things like, "If Nutella were a man I'd never say no to sex." And I'm all, "C'mon, people, it's just a hazelnut spread with a hint of cocoa." It's not like it's Baconnaise, or anything.

(Note: This post was not sponsored by Nutella, nor have they provided any product to entice me, although now that I'm thinking about it there is a cool Nutella spreader that they could possibly send me if they're feeling friendly. It says it's "able to reach the sides and even the corners of your Nutella jar!" which seems awfully handy.)

Another confession: Nutella did not overwhelm me. While I'm fond of dipping a pretzel into it or spreading it on a graham cracker, I'm not ready to say it's the best thing to come along since peanut butter. Or Spam.

Wow, put down the torches.

But you'll be happy to hear that my girls are totally down with the whole hazelnut-cocoa experience.

They've developed an overwhelming obsession with it, what seems to be a frenzied desire to make up for all of those years they lived without it due to their mother's ignorance of European non-peanut spreads. The jar is always on the counter and never makes its way back into the pantry - it's as if the parting would be too much to bear. I even bought another jar last week before the previous one was empty, because Kira looked inside it and said with some panic in her voice, "Please buy another one. SERIOUSLY WE MIGHT RUN OUT." Those last words were said with such gravity, as if the absence of the Nutella might lead to some sort of condiment apocalypse.

So now we're a Nutella family - Nutella on toast, Nutella on crackers, Nutella crepes. (Rigel even made Kira a Nutella sandwich the other day, which just seemed so wrong to me – isn't that just a chocolate sandwich?) But more importantly, I feel like I can confidently join in on any pro-Nutella conversations that inevitably break out at fancy dinners and cocktail parties and no longer have to feel ashamed of my lack of chocolate-infused-toast-topping knowledge.

Although I still say it doesn't hold a candle to canned meat.

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This is a teacher

This is a story about a teacher, one of 5045 educators that received a layoff notice from the LAUSD. I wish I could write about the other 5044, too, but I'll be busy telling my elected officials what a horrible decision they've made in a series of angry letters I'm planning to write. With lots of exclamation points. And swear words.

Last Saturday Kira was auditioning for a competition put on the by the local Rotary Club. The auditions happened to be taking place at her high school, and while we were waiting for her turn I sat outside and talked to her choir teacher, Mr. Sacks, who was there to play the piano accompaniment for one of Kira's classmates who was also auditioning. What else did this teacher do on a Saturday? Picked up all of the costumes from the dry cleaners that the kids used in their last performance (a fantastic Moulin Rouge, I might add) and delivered them back to the studio that lent them to the school. Then no doubt he spent most of the rest of the weekend preparing for the kids' next big show. (Luckily he didn't ask about my plans for the weekend, a carefully laid-out schedule of naps and coffee breaks.)

While we were talking, I asked him about Moulin Rouge, because it was the first time it was ever performed on stage and I knew that he had done the arranging himself. He told me a crazy story about what he went through trying to get the rights to use the sheet music from the movie and after he jumped through a bunch of hoops they still turned him down. So, he said matter-of-factly, he put on a pair of headphones, sat down at the piano and re-wrote all of the music himself, working eight hours a day all the way through every day of winter break, even on Christmas day. And his birthday. (Are you listening, school board members?)

(Seriously, I was so enthralled by his story I forgot to wish Kira good luck when she went in, but she seemed almost grateful to escape my usual hug and awkward fist-bump.)

Mr. Sacks is the reason Kira is going to the school she's attending, the reason we make the forty-minute drive every morning into Hollywood. The school was one of the last ones we had toured after an exhaustive few weeks of checking out every performing arts campus in the city. Kira had a mediocre response to all of them up to that point, and just as Rigel and I were about to pull out the, 'It's our choice, not yours, young lady' card, we were invited to a series of workshops at the school. We sat in on one of Mr. Sacks' classes and the rapport that he has with the kids is so evident, and by the end of a rousing rendition of "Aint No Mountain High Enough", Kira was convinced. She turned to me and said, "I love this place. THIS IS IT." She's was ecstatic that she had found a home, and I was happy we didn't have to tour those other schools left on our list.

And here's where I shake my fist at those who have decided to cut funding to education – Mr. Sacks is one of the teachers that has gotten a layoff notice from the school district. I'm sure I speak for a lot of the kids and the parents when I say that the department and the school will suffer greatly if he leaves. Kira is dreading the thought of him not being around, and she and her classmates are wondering what will become of their musical education there without him at the helm. Have you ever witnessed the rare phenomenon of a child actually wanting to go to school? I have, and it's usually on days she knows she has an after-school rehearsal.

There are many teachers that have gotten layoff notices in the past few weeks and this is just one story. I wish the people making these insane decisions could get to know every one of the teachers they're planning on letting go. More importantly, I wish they could hear the stories of every one of the kids whose lives these teachers have touched, and hear about the negative impact these layoffs will have on them.

If you have a story to tell about a teacher, please send me a link and I'll post it here. I'd love to send it to our elected officials so they could put some faces to even a few of those 5045 pink slips.

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Bathtubs

Lately whenever we're watching TV with the girls Kiyomi will occasionally yell out "OMIGOD BATHTUBS!" meaning she's just seen someone over the age of 23 engaging in some sort of romantic interlude. The term 'bathtubs' came about after the first time the girls saw a Cialis commercial and it was the one that ends with an older couple sitting in two side-by-side bathtubs on the beach. For some reason Kiyomi found this the most disturbing thing of all, and after it was over said, "Bathtubs? What is with the BATHTUBS? That is just WRONG." I guess the part about "erections lasting over 12 hours" didn't bother her one bit.

So then 'bathtubs' became shorthand for 'Old People Getting Too Close.' It could be kissing, or hugging or even a look shared over a cup of coffee, it didn't matter - behavior like that should only occur between young people with smooth, tight skin wearing skinny jeans and a hoodie.

If Kiyomi even so much as saw Rigel and I holding hands, she'd yell out, "Bathtubs!" as a signal that we'd better cut it out or take it out of her line of vision. Sometimes we'd freak her out by yelling the term ourselves right as we were heading out the door for a date night, or maybe as she was walking out of the room to go to bed, leaving us alone on the couch watching TV. Although I have to admit 'bathtubs' is a sexier codeword than our previous one, 'ElevenO'clockNews.'

Lately, for some reason 'bathtubs' is slowly becoming shorthand for anyone having sex, which has opened up the realm of possibilities. I like to use it as a warning for something that's coming up in a movie or show so that the girls have a chance to leave the room as in, "Now's a good time to go check your Facebook page, since there are some heavy bathtub scenes coming up." I'm wishing we had come up with the term a long time ago – it would have been nice if the question, "How are babies made?" could have been summed up in one word.

But the best part is it's given me ammo for the future for when the girls start dating. I can't wait for the day when I'm driving Kiyomi and her boyfriend to the movies, and as they're sitting there side by side in the back seat of the car I turn to look at them over my shoulder and say, "NO BATHTUBS."

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Where on earth did this come from?

Tonight, as she has for the past few weeks Kira is rehearsing for her school's production of Moulin Rouge. Soon she'll spend weekends rehearsing, seven hours a day up until the show's premiere in late February. In between she still seeks out and performs at open mic nights, singing and playing guitar. She has one singular dream, to be a pop star and as she puts it "There is no Plan B because that means you have no faith in your dreams." Cue applause and a Z-snap.

Meanwhile, Kiyomi is preparing to begin rehearsals for her school's production of Tommy. On Tuesdays she takes a dance-intensive class to learn steps for the numbers and just to hone her dancing skills for future shows. She's in love with performing and wants to be on Broadway one day, and already has her monologue ready for when she's a guest on Jimmy Fallon. You know, after she wins the Tony.

As for me, I freak out and break out in a cold sweat if I have to address a audience of more than two people. My most vivid memory of taking piano as a child are the intense, week-long stomach aches I used to get before every recital. In middle school or high school, the idea of performing in public was as absurd as walking naked across the senior lawn, although I do remember a few of us egging on a classmate to do just that during finals week. And just our luck – since he was in drama club he accepted the challenge willingly and got all of us in trouble when he started taking off his clothes as the 5th period bell rang.

People always assume that the girls get their performing bug from me or Rigel, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sure Rigel's in a band, but that was something he started as an adult, and his experiences with any type of organized performing as a child are as non-existent as mine. He does remember playing at some parties in high school, but that wasn't so much for the love of the greasepaint as it was for the love of the unlimited access to the kegger being offered in the backyard patio. 

So where do the girls get their career aspirations? I'm thinking there was a mixup at the hospital - I did give birth at a hospital frequented by celebrities, so perhaps some singer/actresses somewhere are actually raising my camera-shy daughters who hate being in front of an audience. Their moms are throwing up their hands because their kids won't perform the duet with them from Miss Saigon, or refuse to enter the talent contest at the local community center. There are tiny sequined gowns going to waste in closets, and their moms go to sleep at night drying their tears with unused pageant applications.

But whatever the case, and as long as my girls want to pursue these pop-star-Broadway-diva dreams, I'm going to support them in any way I can. Even though I might not understand the desire to put yourself on a stage in front of a bunch of strangers for your art, I can understand wanting to follow your dreams and I'm betting I'll be watching them walk up on a stage sometime in the future to accept an award.

Although, I'm getting a stomach ache just thinking about it.

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This post was written as part of my involvement with the Yahoo! Motherboard. Read what other writers have to say about their kids following in their footsteps on the Yahoo! Motherboard page on Shine.


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