One Bad Apple Don't Spoil The Whole Bunch, Girl

I'm happy to say the slumber party was a resounding success, the house filled with the approving shrieks of little girls drunk on lemonade and birthday cake. The police were never called and to my knowledge no small animals were sacrificed during the festivities. My favorite moment was watching all seven cuties jumping around in the sleeping mosh pit we had created in the living room, theme song from 'Teen Titans' blaring at a deafening decibel and all of them singing along at the top of their lungs. My second favorite moment is seeing Rigel's face at this very same instant, contorted in pain and looking as if he wanted to slip out the back door, hop onto the nearest freight train and ride the rails off into the sunset.

Almost everyone was on their best behavior, and I say almost because as we know there is always one bad apple that stands out in a bushel and in this case it is one ornery little bossie I’ll call the Demon Seed. No reason – just thought the name was, uhmm...kind of appropriate.

Unfortunately the Demon Seed is one of Kira’s best friends, so I hesitate to rag on her too much, although it’s one of those relationships I would definitely like to put asunder. She’s one of those bullying types that preys on all the kids around her and grates heavily on the nerves of most adults (I see you, all you moms out there, nodding in knowing approval) and has no problem taking over your house as if it were her own, establishing territory by tossing her belongings about in numerous piles throughout the room and asking for food at alarmingly frequent intervals, never with a "please" of course but with a loud bark, as if she were in McDonalds and you were the slacker counter boy. I know I'm not alone; the mother of one of the other girls asked me repeatedly, "Keep an eye out for the Demon Seed. Make sure she doesn't torment my daughter" to which I assured her, "Yes, I've got a mirror and a cross ready, but please pray for all of us."

And although she has a big, smart mouth she proved to be no match for Rigel, as demonstrated by the following exchange:

Devil Seed: HEY!! DO WE GET TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT?! HUH?!
DO WE?! DO WE?!! (I'm typing in all caps here, because that's how she talks, VERY LOUDLY. ALL THE TIME.)

Rigel: No, you can stay up really late, but not all night.

DS: CRUD!! WHAT A RIP OFF!! WHAT A RIP OFF!! THIS PARTY IS A RIP OFF!! (Said as her head spun around and a projectile of green goo gushed from her mouth.)

Rigel: (Showing great restraint but still getting his point across with a menacing glare and a low scary voice) Oh really? Well, what about we
call your dad and have him pick you up NOW?! And give you your money back?!

I made him stay in our bedroom for the rest of the night. At one point, very late and way, way past their bedtimes while we were sill hearing loud talking and giggling, he asked me if he should go out and restore order. "Only if you can be nice," I replied, to which he responded by looking up, arching an eyebrow and then resuming his reading. Taking this as a 'no' I headed out myself, armed with my 'Parent Report' threat, as in, "If you'd like me to give your parents a good report, you will obey my command to cease and desist and go to sleep now" and as expected, this worked remarkably well on all of them except for the Devil Seed, since, knowing her parents, anything less than the severing of another child's limbs or setting the cat on fire would constitute a 'good report.' I refused her request for a tenth midnight snack and she eventually ran out of fuel and fell asleep, her spiked tail curled around her.

Would we do it again? Absolutely, since Kira said it was "The best birthday party ever!" and more importantly, because we have no choice, since Kiyomi has decided she wants a slumber party for her birthday which is coming up in three short months. Let the countdown begin.

Archive File: Offspring

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