Monday, December 12, 2005

Conversations From Hell

When attempting to purchase a Gameboy at Target:

Me: What color is it?

Target Lady: There's a sample (pointing to silver display model.)

Me: Great. I'll take it.

Me (just before handing over my credit card, JUST TO BE SURE): This is silver, right?

TL: No, it's grey.

Me: I thought you said it was silver, like the display.

TL: We're out of the silver. We only have grey and blue.

Me (head spinning): Uh, okay. What does the blue look like?

TL: It's JUST BLUE. Oh, and we have grey.

Me (hoping that Ashton Kutcher will jump out to tell me I've been Punk'd): Do you have a sample of the blue?

TL (Absolutely convinced that she is being helpful): I bought one for my sister, so I know what it looks like.

Me: Oh, then give me your sister's number. Then, have her upload a JPEG of it to my cell phone. Lastly, explain to me when you got your degree in ROCKET SCIENCE.

Ordering Chinese food:

Me: I'd like the Orange Chicken, but not spicy.

Takeout Guy: You want it mild?

Me: Yes, mild. It's for my kids.

TG (getting agitated): What does mild mean? People call, they ask for mild, not so spicy! This doesn't make sense! What does MILD mean? Not SO spicy? Not spicy? This is confusing to me!!

Me (afraid ): Uh, mild to me means NOT SPICY. I guess if I wanted it not SO spicy, I would just ask for Just A Little Bit Spicy.

TG (practically SPITTING now): So what are you trying to tell me? Mild? Not So Spicy? People use these words all the time! It makes no sense!

Me: (hoping that Ashton Kutcher will jump out to tell me I've been Punk'd): I would like my Orange Chicken NOT SPICY.

TG: You mean No Hot?

Me: Yes! Yes! That's it - NO HOT!

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  1. I'm over here, feeling your pain.

  2. You've been Punk'd!

  3. this just smacks of your Jury Duty situation...

    are you ears bleeding by the end of these oratorical fireworks display? Kee-rist.

  4. What color is that Orange Chicken?

  5. Maybe this fella should rate the "Spicyness" of his
    food with the ever familiar, Tall, Grande and Venti.
    You know, Tall="No Hot", Grande="Mild",
    Venti =" Weel Weel Hot" It's a thought.


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