Sweatpantsmom, Now With More Hemp.

We got back from our trip to Yosemite a couple of days ago, and I've been useless ever since. If I could sit up straight, stop drooling and string together a coherent sentence I would tell you that:

Despite what I said here, nature is swell.

And, while I'm not quite ready to trade in my cigarette jeans and boots for a pair of burlap pants and Birkenstocks, I have to admit that hiking is much better for the hiney than sitting in front of a computer attempting, and failing miserably, to string together a coherant sentence about a family vacation.

Mosquitoes, on the other hand, are pure evil.

Screw the FDA - bring back DDT. I'll bathe in it, gargle with it, inject it directly into my brain stem if it'll keep me from getting eaten alive by the little bloodsuckers.

The absence of television and telephones can lead to the serious overeating of s'mores.

The absence of television and telephones can also lead to the renewed love of ping-pong, board games and the whole concept of family time, and unfortunately, the sad realization that at some point in the not too distant future, my daughters will only come on vacation with us, their parents, out of a sense of guilt and duty and even then only after repeated threats to take away their cell phones, car keys and Starbucks cards. And then? They'll spend the entire vacation secretly phoning their boyfriends, who will then 'coincidentally' show up right before that family hayride I'd been planning all summer.

This is where we had lunch on Tuesday:


I'll post more later, about our trip, the warm fuzzy moments that made me sad, the mosquitoes, the ping-pong, the waterfalls, the s'mores and the gargantuan ants.

Oh, and don't forget to ask me about our trip home, when we were in a restaurant surrounded by big, hairy truckers and women wearing sweatshirts with American flags appliquéd on them and visors that said, "I'm Too Hot For You", and Kiyomi decides to start talking, in a very loud voice, about the time she played Life with her friend Sarah and they pretended they were both gay, and Kira asks incredulously, in an even louder voice, "You mean you were lesbians?! LESBIANS?! YOU AND SARAH WERE LESBIANS?!!"

Ask me about that. In the meantime, I've got a hayride to plan.

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