Thursday, April 22, 2010

My Earth Day FAIL. Or is it?

Happy Earth Day! I was hoping to write a post today about how I was honoring our planet on this special day. Maybe I'd be writing this on a laptop powered by solar panels while wearing a pair of hemp jeans and sipping on a smoothie made from sustainable crops. Or sending you reports from a city beach somewhere, where I was picking up soda cans and cigarette butts with my kids and filling their impressionable young minds with love paeans to mother earth.

Well -- didn't happen.

Instead, I'm having a decidedly un-earth day, because I'm in a bit of a frenzy right now. The kids are home early because of a fair and open house at the school tonight, they have friends over whose parents couldn't pick them up, and I'm frantically trying to prepare for Kira's 14th birthday party here on Saturday. So in other words there aren't any Earth Day sonnets being written and I think I actually walked by a couple of soda cans laying on the ground. In my driveway.

But you know what? Because all the women's magazines tell me to be good to ME, I'm going to go easy on myself and find the ways I did honor the earth. Today wasn't a total bust - here are some ways I found my Earth Day moments by turning lemons into lemonade. Or should I say 'juice made from organic locally grown citrus.'

1) I've been cleaning the house today in preparation for around two dozen 14-year-olds descending on my house this weekend, and every single light in the place is on. Even the waffle iron light is on which is weird because I haven't made waffles since 2001. Earth Day moment: I didn't use the vacuum cleaner! So what if I used enough electricity today to power the entire state of Wyoming -- all the microorganisms who call my couch their home will live to see another day.

2) I had the dishwasher and the washing machine on simultaneously. While I was rinsing off the sidewalk. And hosing off the cat. Earth Day moment: I didn't shower today. So what if I used enough water to supply the entire state of Utah -- all the microorganisms who call my navel their home will live to see another day.

3) In honor of Earth Day I could have walked the four blocks to the school to pick the kids up, but since they had their friends coming over and I needed to pick up lunch, I drove my van. Oh, and the other reason -- I hate to walk. Earth Day moment: At least I don't drive a Hummer.

4) Oh, and that lunch? Because of time restraints I regret to admit that it was McDonalds. Seeing as their burgers are made from extinct rain-forest toads and pandas, probably not a good Earth Day choice. Earth Day moment: We recycled all the wrappings! Even the cardboard drink tray, which I turned into a chandelier. You'll just have to believe me.

5) Getting back to that cleaning, instead of using natural cleaners made from vinegar and puppy sweat, I used all manner of toxic chemicals ranging from bleach to industrial-strength etching acid. You would too if you saw my bathtub. Earth Day moment: I used sponges instead of wasting paper towels. Okay they were endangered sponges from The Great Barrier Reef. Nobody's perfect.

But all in all it was a good day, and I'm about to drop all the kids back at school and I'll have a few minutes to myself before I have to head back for open house. I think I'll have a glass of wine during my little break. Organic wine. Enough to help me write that sonnet.

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  1. You will be severely punished for this by the green police!

  2. You crack me up. Save me a little bit of that organic wine.

  3. Good one. I didn't even write an Earth Day post...but I did brushmy teeth w/baking soda. Not.

  4. I think this is the best Earth Day post I've read today. I did let my dogs lick our dinner dishes.

  5. Priceless! My Earth Day went down about as successfully as yours -- but without the organic wine. Boo. :(

    Thanks for the smiles.

  6. NorCal Sistah4/22/2010 7:55 PM

    I failed too if that makes you feel less alone. I did try to think of what I could do to be "Earth" friendly today but couldn't think of anything -- but the day is not over yet so there is still time!

  7. I so appreciate your honesty. A breath of fresh air. Hey, chalk that up as another Earth Day success!

  8. You are my Earth Day Hero. What I want to know now is, What are you doing for International Pineapple Day today?

  9. Your comic genius made my day. I wish you were doing Monday nights & not Thursdays, because you could easily make me laugh the entire 2 1/2 hours the kids are in class. =)

  10. I have to say that you don't post often enough. You crack me up, and I want more ;-)

    P.S. Happy Birthday to Kira!

  11. We have a day to celebrate planet earth?!? Number four is my favorite. I'm holding my breath until you post a pic of that eco-chandelier.

  12. And here I was feeling guilty because I was wondering how many trees were killed to make the paper trees informing us all about Earth Day. ;)

  13. What? Earth Day? I missed it. I was probably driving my Hummer through KFC anyways. (While wearing my alligator pumps.)

  14. Oops, I'm a bit late on this one but just had to say: VERY FUNNY! You'll have to show us how to make the chandelier from a drink tray some time!

  15. Heard that you went to Montage? how was it?
    First Class to Hell -

  16. Nancy Stowell4/15/2011 6:55 PM

    The Earth Day FAIL!! I haven't laughed that hard since the first time I saw "Foul Play" with Goldie Hawn & Chevy Chase!!

    God - girl what a sense of humor!

    Thank you so much!


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