I Wish Someone In This House Would Get a Record Deal So I Could Afford To Remodel My Kitchen

Somehow, in between working a full time job, taking out the trash, getting the kids ready for school and keeping his wife happy, my husband managed to record a CD! Rigel and his band, Nine2Midnight, spent countless hours and subjected themselves to hundreds of beers to get some of their songs onto vinyl (or plastic, or whatever CDs are made out of. Whalebone? The ashes of dead rock stars?) Obviously I'm partial, but I think they sound awesome - even though they ignored my requests to cover a Beyoncé song.

They even have a MySpace page, which apparently is what all the young kids are doing these days to pimp their music. Of course, this all just means they're one step closer to spandex jumpsuits, out-of-control drug habits and tour buses filled with slutty groupies. Which is all fine as long Rigel still gets up to take the kids to school.

Meanwhile, things aren't going too swell for Kira and Kiyomi's band, Off Limits. Their keyboard player quit a few weeks ago in a very dramatic Diana-Ross-leaves-the-Supremes fashion minutes before their first show. The way it went down was, they were finishing up a music and songwriting class they'd been taking together and were preparing to perform a song they'd written. All us parents were waiting outside, talking about what kinds of vacation homes and sports cars we were going to buy with our kids' money once they became famous, when the keyboard player stormed out and announced that she was quitting the band for two years, in her words, "Until Kiyomi grows up."

Now, you'd think Kiyomi would take offense with this, but she's actually been strangely eager to tell the story and has been repeating it to anyone who'll listen, adding some dramatic flourishes for effect. "So, she quit the band and said she wasn't coming back 'until I grow up.' Until I grow up! How do ya like that? She's giving me two years to grow up! Why two years? Why not four? I'll be eleven by then for goodness sakes! Am I supposed to wait around?" She's usually got her hands motioning wildly and flipping her hair by the time she finishes the story, and I can just picture her in ten years, telling the story to Rolling Stone while she's got a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and flashing her tattoo that says "I'm All Grown Up."

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