Thursday, May 17, 2007

Everybody Needs A Secret Edimer.

Kiyomi came running up to me after school the other day, clutching a piece of paper. Then she thrust it at me defiantly, standing there with one hand on her hip, tapping her foot and rolling her eyes. I think she saw me do this very same thing when I was trying to return a year-old vase at Target the week before.

"Look at this," she said. "A boy gave this to Hannah to give to me. He's a first grader." She sounded exasperated but I could also see that she had a slight, almost imperceptible smile on her face.

Kiyomy meet me
at the grass so I can
reve my true fome isted this letter. Meet me there
at lunch. I will tell you more
infor about myself. Signed,
you Secret edimer

"Well, he'll never catch a girl with this kind of spelling." I remarked, still trying to decipher it. I had just figured out that 'edimer' was 'admirer' and not some misspelled version of the sender's name.

"Omigod," she said. "A boy sends me a creepy note and that's all you can say?"

She was right. I have a tendency to do this, to focus on some inane part of the issue at hand while ignoring the bigger picture. Like if a friend told me she had been chased by a bear that day, I would most likely ask her what color the bear was, or what it's breath smelled like.

So yesterday, as we were leaving school and the waist-high Casanova happened to be walking by I knew I had to make it up to her. "There he is!" Kiyomi hissed. Upon hearing this he turned around, proudly pointing both thumbs at his chest and exclaimed, "Yes! It was me! I wrote the note!" Such arrogance coming from someone with horrendous grammatical skills. I knew I could very well be looking at the future President of The United States.

I stepped in front of her and said, "Just make sure you stay away from her." I said it firmly but gently, and though the broad grin on his face immediately turned somber I could tell he was still full of attitude as he walked away. But it was enough to make Kiyomi see that nobody messes with my little girl.

She seemed pleased with the turn of events. I'm not sure how I'll be able to protect her from all of the evils of the world, but she can sleep soundly knowing she's safe against any three-foot-tall Don Juans who try and pass illicit notes asking her to meet them in grassy areas.

And they'd damn well better work on their spelling.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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  1. "Such arrogance coming from someone with horrendous grammatical skills. I knew I could very well be looking at the future President of The United States."

  2. That was great!! I haven't laughed that hard in a while!!

    Thanks for sharing!!

    I look forward to moments like this with my daughter....

    let me know how it goes!

  3. That note is precious. And unfortunately with your adorable girls, probably the first of many secret edimer notes. I think it's darling.

  4. Now might be the time to invest in a pit bull.

  5. I often miss the big picture too. You and I at a coffee shop would have one helluva weird conversation...

  6. Back when I was a kid, we would just try to beat up the person we had a crush on. I left many a boy with bruised calves.

    Ha! Loved the story. Thanks for sharing.

  7. Could you stand up to the real President for us? Tell him nobody messes with our little country??

    Good job, Mama Bear.

  8. Egads! I would rather have my daughter date a convict than a bad speller.

    Meanwhile, has your daughter ever had a crush on someone? My 2 yr.old is obsessed with this boy in daycare. I keep waiting for his parents to get a restraining order on her. Got any advice for me?

  9. Okay - I would have said the same thing. My inner editor always notices spelling and grammar. She's such a bitch sometimes.

  10. Love letters in the first grade!

    what happened to playing tag and watching cartoons?

    It is adorable though...

  11. I'm scared. Is this what's in store for me? I may need to get that pit bull as well!

  12. Aww...

    Poor little guy probably didn't know how else to get her attention.
    Maybe he saw it in a book/movie or something.

    Lolol. My kid probably would have done that too, just trying to be friends.

  13. I had to crack up when I read Kiyomi's reaction to yours when you read the note, because I would have done the same thing (focused on the horrendous spelling and not the content at first.)

    For some reason when you described the little boy I was picturing the wannabe boyfriend from While You Were Sleeping -- have you ever seen that?

  14. My 7-year-old just got her first love note. DH was Not Impressed. I shouldn't have been either, but I was laughing too hard to be taken seriously in any case.

  15. No shot gun or pit bulls needed. Have them learn Tae Kwon Do or Karate and let her admirers know she has a black belt! That's our plan for our two girls (of course they'll have two older brothers to protect them . . . or at least tease them about admirers :)

  16. Future in politics indeed!

    Edimer sounds like an exotic woodwind instrument.

  17. I'll bet Edimer heard about her band and he's a groupie. Who wouldn't be? OFF LIMITS is like the happening band! Look at this way, when Edimer is president someday he can write about the famous rocker that he "dated" in primary school. :)

  18. I LOVE this post of yours. How do you do it? You consistently deliver the most fantastic posts!

    You are a blogging sweatpants godess. :-)

  19. That note was hysterical.

    Have you ever thought how much it looks like text messaging and all the abbreviations used?

    maybe this kid is ahead of his time!


  20. Holy cow, that is one b-r-a-v-e first-grader!

    They'll probably end up getting married or something.


  21. What a kick! That is too funny! What a good Mom and what agal drawing these edimers to her!

  22. LMAO!!!!!
    What exactly did the note say...couldn't figure it out!

  23. She should get him a dictionary for Valentine's day.

    (I kid. I know, I'm cruel! I actually think it's kinda sweet.)

  24. kyute!

  25. Edimer is an excellent band name fyi. I'm with you on the nobody messes with my little girl. I've made little boys who've harrassed my girl cry with just a look.

  26. it's amazing just how early the cockiness in the male animal starts.

    and i agree with whoever it was above, "edimer" is a great name for a band.

  27. My husband's greatest fear...

  28. Dam that's so cute. I just found your site from reading MetroDad's comments. Poor little boy, you scarred him for life. Then again, he's a brave little shit, isn't he?

  29. so you did not try to get 'more infor' about himself?

    I know I'd want to know:

    what kind of car will he drive?
    what are his caree plans?
    will he be athletic? if so, what sport?
    does he like music? Math? Science? (obviously English/Spelling are out)
    what is his GPA?
    Green Party?
    Ginger or Mary Ann?
    Bat Girl or Kim Possible?

  30. Oh, I love this post!! You have to save that to show the grandkids :)

  31. :-) that is absolutely brilliant. The creepy half-ling with horrendous spelling skills. How dare he?

  32. It goes both ways. I'm ready to put the smack down on this bossy little thing who is constantly bossing my almost 4 year old son around. Little hussy!

    Nice job though, wingman. I'm sure your daughter appreciates it.


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