Monday, November 14, 2005

Lightening Strikes Twice

I received this in the mail last Tuesday, barely one week after the day I spent in the bloated bowels of our judicial system:

When I did my mandatory check-in by phone today, this is what I got:

Recording: Press '1' to find out whether you need to report for Jury Service. Press '2' if you are requesting an excuse or transfer. Press '3' if you WILL KICK SOME SERIOUS JUDICIAL ASS IF YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR STORY ONE MORE TIME TO A JUDGE.

Jury 'Agent': What is the reason for the excuse you are requesting?

Me: I appeared for jury service less than two weeks ago, then I was excused by the judge.

Agent: You mean you were granted a postponement.

Me: No, I was excused, for childcare issues, by an ornery old coot, and I also have a Certification Of Jury Service that says I served on November 2, 2005.

Agent: Okay, well, what I'm trying to get at is, were you excused, or did you get excused to be put on another trial or were you granted a postponement and can you explain it again 'cause I'm SLOW AS SHIT.

Me: What I'M TRYING TO GET AT IS, I ALREADY SERVED two weeks ago. I have a piece of paper, in my hand that is CURLING INTO A FIST, that says I was 'Summoned by the court and performed jury service on 11-02-05' which means I can't be called again for a whole year and it's signed by a Jury Supervisor and has a VERY official looking seal on it depicting a woman holding up the Scales Of Justice and don't make me come down there and show you 'cause you will have one angry, over-summoned bitch on your hands.

Agent: Oh, I see. You've ALREADY. SERVED. Just send in a copy of that certificate with your Jury summons.

Me: (Muffled scream, and then the sound of breaking glass.)

Archive File: This Life

Pin It


  1. LOL! you should also enclose a printed copy of your "jury doodie" blog in case they still don't get it... you know if you sent just the link they wouldn't be able to access it using that newfangled internet thingy.

  2. Perhaps they noted your "bad attitude" and wanted to see you kill a few of their clerks.
    By slicing them to death with a million tiny jury summons paper cuts....

  3. Like Jenn on Breedm&weep has mentioned somewhere, "We don't yell, we just hurl capital letters at each other."

    at what point do you say, "I'll take a bottle of Jack & some razor blades, please?"


Related Posts with Thumbnails