Kira Won Some Tickets, I Talked To Ryan Seacrest, Then It Stopped Being Fun

Kira's been trying for weeks to get tickets to Jingle Ball, the annual holiday concert put on by KIIS FM. This year Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, Nelly and B.o.B. are going to be there and I'm sure everyone is going to have a grand old time and party like it's 2999. So every morning on the way to school Kira's been glued to her Blackberry calling in to the station, and this morning she finally got through and was told she was the winner. Hallelujah! What a great day we're having! What could go wrong!

Since Kira isn't 18 she had to hand the phone to me, and I had to pretend I was the winner. I woot-wooted and high-fived all around when I got on the phone with Ryan Seacrest, and said how excited my daughter was to be going to the concert. Did you hear me on the radio? Did it make my butt look big? It was over so fast I didn't get a chance to ask Ryan all the questions I've been saving up all these years, like if he and Simon really fight and who counts all the American Idol votes, and does he need a cover for his toaster. That last one may or may not have to do with a Christmas present I'm crocheting for him.

If you did hear me on the radio and I sounded a little more stressed out than usual, it might have been because at that moment I saw the red blinking lights in my rear view mirror of the Highway Patrol man who was pulling me over for talking on my cell phone while driving. Unfortunately neither my sparkling personality nor the wad of hundred-dollar bills I keep in my glove compartment for such encounters could convince him not to give me a ticket. Talk about harshing my mellow! One minute you're talking to Ryan Seacrest and the next minute you've crossed the threshold into life as a criminal. Don't laugh - I've heard that cell phone citations are the 'gateway crime' and I'm just one step away from stealing babies.

I don't even know how much this citation is, since the officer said I would find out when I got the actual ticket in the mail. It was so ominous when he said, "You'll see," in a tone that sounded more like, "It's so sad you won't be taking that vacation this year." Now I'm thinking these 'free' Jingle Ball tickets are going to cost me a small fortune, although I'm trying to tell myself that it'll be worth it for Kira to wave her hands in the air like she just don't care while she sees Katy Perry singing 'Teenage Dream' live and in person. In fact, I'm going to crochet her a tank top to throw on stage.

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