Contrary To Popular Belief, I Am NOT Siamese If You Please
(Update, 2.28, Bloggers Remorse: I struggled with whether or not to leave this post up. I don’t hate this woman, and I don’t think her comment was made out of hatred or malice. I do however dislike what she said, and the cavalier manner in which it was thrown out. My concern is that she is someone I have to see and interact with on a daily basis. I don’t know whether or not she reads my blog, but if she does I am certain she would not like what she reads here or in the comments. Do I care? Only in regards to the negative impact it may have on our children, as the relationship between this woman and I is one based on our involvement with our children’s school. So, if I delete the post, does that make me a coward, or should I say, ‘yellow?’)
At the girls' school this morning there was a workshop put on by the second grade teachers on how to help your child prepare for testing that is coming up in the next few weeks. I sat next to another mom, one that I know pretty well because our daughters have been friends since kindergarten. She has always struck me as someone fairly conservative politically but reasonably open-minded, which is why it surprised me when we had the following conversation.
We were discussing the fact that neither of our kids was very proficient in math, and I made a joke about how, because of the assumption that all Asians are math geniuses, it always came as a shock to my teachers growing up when I could barely calculate the cost of my lunch. She started to tell me about a conversation she had with her teenaged daughter:
Her: Oh, it was the funniest thing! She was confused about what an Asian was! She had this notion that it just meant another kind of Caucasian!
Me: Hahahahaha!
Her: I tried to explain to her that Asians were different! You know, they have dark skin and slanted eyes!
I calmly put down my chopsticks and contemplated which Kung-Fu moves I was going to bust her up with once I got done asking for advice from Buddha. Unfortunately my mind doesn't work too well in the mornings before I've had my ginseng so I just answered her back with, "Well, you know that's not an accurate description." She got a little flustered and just waved it off by saying, "Oh, I know! You know what I mean!"
Well, now, I'm not exactly sure I know what you mean! Does it mean that you are just as woefully uninformed as your daughter and are passing on racial stereotypes to her? Have you culled all your knowledge of Asian culture from Charlie Chan movies and commercials for Top Ramen? Do you actually believe that David Carradine is a wizened Asian martial-arts master? And hey, look over there! It's my sister, she of the light skin and round eyes, in other words, Not An Asian! (And whatta ya know - we invented computers!)
Fortunately for her I didn't think a second grade classroom, in the presence of my child's teacher was the appropriate place to get into a discussion about racial definitions. But it did make me look at her in a different way through these slanted eyes of mine, one that definitely highlighted our differences and made me think of how, even living in a cosmopolitan city in the 21st century, racial stereotypes are alive and well and being perpetuated by educated, well-meaning parents.
I grew up with racial taunts and I've already seen how my two bi-racial daughters have been subjected to this. The comments about being 'good at karate' and the ever-popular pulling-up-of-the-corners-of-the-eyes have already been reported back to me. We've carefully explained to them the importance of taking pride in their Japanese culture (as well as their English teabag, Irish beer-drinking, Scottish bagpipe-blowing...oh, you know what I mean!) and cautioning them about the racial intolerance that they may encounter in their lives. But when one realizes that so much of the racist attitudes and misinformation comes directly from the people that should be positively influencing our children, the parents, it gets well, too much for this geisha to handle.
In hindsight, I suppose I could have attempted to enlighten this woman with some basic facts on Asian culture and, using a map of Asia, pointed out the geographical attributes of the various countries. I could have stressed the need for the elimination of racial clichés and how an educated perspective on race is vital, especially for our children, to existing in a multi-cultural society. And then I should have run her over with my rickshaw.
