No pressure, Mindy Kaling, but my kids' future might depend on you

Speaking of Asians, we are big fans of Mindy Kaling over here. In fact, in one of my latest posts for mom.me I write about how I'd like for the actress to take over raising my kids if some catastrophe befalls me and my husband. (Just kidding. We all know that job will go straight to Oprah.)

We all love Mindy Kaling, and I think she’s a great role model. Not only is she the perfect combination of brains, beauty and kick-ass wit, but she’s incredibly stylish as well, which means my girls would not only welcome her, but her closet also with open arms. Here are a few other reasons why Mindy is the ideal person for my teen girls to look up to. Read more...

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Flipping Off Movie Stars

Earlier today I was driving back home after dropping Kira off at a movie theater clear across town. (Why across town, when there are a million movie theaters that were closer? Because this one was more convenient for her friend. Kira has now been instructed that any future friends she makes have to live within a five mile radius of our house. When she meets someone, before even striking up a conversation she has to ask for their zip code and if it's too far she has to say, "I'm sorry. You're nice and all, but my mother almost had an aneurysm the last time she had to drive me across town for a movie so just move along.")

So I'm driving through Hollywood in a ton of traffic, and at one point I came to a stop behind a sleek black convertible sports car in the left-turn lane. When the light turned to a green left-turn arrow, he just sat there and after the car behind me honked I gave a little honk myself just to play along, and I guess the guy didn't like being pulled away from the text he was sending because he raised his arm up high and gave us all the finger.

(Don't you just love people, who when they're caught making a mistake decide that they're just going to turn it around and take their anger out on you? As if to say, "Yeah, I took a nap and missed that signal, but EFF YOU AND YOUR MOTHER AND STUFF.")

And he didn't just give us the finger. Because he was in a convertible he raised that arm of his way up in the air and waved that finger around like he was cursing not only us, but all of our ancestors, too. If anything it showed me a new way to use that sunroof on my van that I rarely ever crank open.

But the finger wasn't enough, so once we all turned left he decided to punish us all even further by going really, really slow, knowing full well that we didn't have room to pass him because there were cars parked all the street. He continued this for a few blocks, and when I finally had room to pass him I pulled up alongside him and decided to give him the warm greeting he had sent my way back at the intersection. No doubt everyone behind me did the same.

Except after I did it and I was driving past him I took a look and he kind of sort of looked like Benicio Del Toro. Well, maybe a lot like him.

So maybe I just gave a movie star the finger. If that was you, Benicio, know this - if I had realized who you were, I probably would still have flipped you off, but afterward I would have at least rolled down my window to tell you how brilliant you were in 21 Grams.

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My Gang Of New York, Part III: Meeting Jimmy Fallon & MetroDad On The Same Day!

One of the great things about traveling to far-flung, exotic locales is you might come face-to-face with mythical lifeforms. Here of course I'm talking about New York, and getting to meet the infamous MetroDad. Oh, and Jimmy Fallon, too.

I've been reading MetroDad for years so I was looking forward to meeting him in person. And talk about mythical lifeforms - an Asian blogger! Although it did cross my mind that maybe Pierre (aka MetroDad) didn't actually exist. Let's face it, this is the internet and he could actually be some really prolific, French 14-year-old.

But as you can see, he wasn't! Here's a picture I took of Pierre and his friend Jim, who is a producer on the show. Kiyomi is eating a red velvet cupcake she stole from a table in the hallway. That cupcake probably cost the show $45.

Pierre took time out of his busy schedule to meet us at Rockefeller Center, where his friend Jim most generously took us on a tour of Jimmy Fallon's studio. This was the moment Kiyomi put "Be an intern for Jimmy Fallon" at the top of her bucket list. Which, if you've ever seen a 12-year-old's bucket list, is pretty impressive since it beat out things like, 'Get txt mssg from Daniel Radcliffe' and 'Buy pony.'

Ashton Kutcher was a guest on the show that night, and here are the girls outside of his dressing room plotting to rush in and steal his underwear. Next door was where The Roots were rehearsing and Rigel was plotting to rush in and join the band.

We not only met Jimmy, but he invited us onto the set to take some pictures. Kira and Kiyomi have had a huge crush on Jimmy for awhile, so this was pretty mind-blowing for them. Kiyomi was a little bitter that she didn't get to sit in the seat closest to him, but she made up for it when, as we were leaving and Jimmy went to shake her hand she said, "Hey, no HUG?" and went in for a big embrace. Sure, they called for security but it was a moment to remember.

Here's where Jimmy told us to, "Look serious" and "Now laugh like crazy" which is what we're doing in these photos in case you couldn't tell. Hey, no one said we were actors.

A big THANK YOU to Pierre, Jim and Jimmy Fallon for putting up this family of tourists from L.A. and making our day. Sorry if we said 'like' way too much and kept complaining about the weather.

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Next Up: My Gang Of New York, Part IV: We Ate Stuff

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Kira Won Some Tickets, I Talked To Ryan Seacrest, Then It Stopped Being Fun

Kira's been trying for weeks to get tickets to Jingle Ball, the annual holiday concert put on by KIIS FM. This year Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, Nelly and B.o.B. are going to be there and I'm sure everyone is going to have a grand old time and party like it's 2999. So every morning on the way to school Kira's been glued to her Blackberry calling in to the station, and this morning she finally got through and was told she was the winner. Hallelujah! What a great day we're having! What could go wrong!

Since Kira isn't 18 she had to hand the phone to me, and I had to pretend I was the winner. I woot-wooted and high-fived all around when I got on the phone with Ryan Seacrest, and said how excited my daughter was to be going to the concert. Did you hear me on the radio? Did it make my butt look big? It was over so fast I didn't get a chance to ask Ryan all the questions I've been saving up all these years, like if he and Simon really fight and who counts all the American Idol votes, and does he need a cover for his toaster. That last one may or may not have to do with a Christmas present I'm crocheting for him.

If you did hear me on the radio and I sounded a little more stressed out than usual, it might have been because at that moment I saw the red blinking lights in my rear view mirror of the Highway Patrol man who was pulling me over for talking on my cell phone while driving. Unfortunately neither my sparkling personality nor the wad of hundred-dollar bills I keep in my glove compartment for such encounters could convince him not to give me a ticket. Talk about harshing my mellow! One minute you're talking to Ryan Seacrest and the next minute you've crossed the threshold into life as a criminal. Don't laugh - I've heard that cell phone citations are the 'gateway crime' and I'm just one step away from stealing babies.

I don't even know how much this citation is, since the officer said I would find out when I got the actual ticket in the mail. It was so ominous when he said, "You'll see," in a tone that sounded more like, "It's so sad you won't be taking that vacation this year." Now I'm thinking these 'free' Jingle Ball tickets are going to cost me a small fortune, although I'm trying to tell myself that it'll be worth it for Kira to wave her hands in the air like she just don't care while she sees Katy Perry singing 'Teenage Dream' live and in person. In fact, I'm going to crochet her a tank top to throw on stage.

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I wouldn't know a celebrity if they moved in next door to me

This was originally posted on the LA Moms Blog which will be closing later this month. I'll be republishing my posts from the site over the next few weeks.

Almost thirteen years ago, right after I had my first baby we were living in the Hollywood Hills. Like most new mothers, I spent a freakish amount of time pushing my newborn daughter in her stroller around the neighborhood, partly to let her get some fresh air but mostly to pull myself away from endless hours spent on the couch crying and watching Roseanne reruns. 

A couple of times on those walks I ran into a neighbor, David, who had recently moved into a house around the corner from us.  He mentioned that he was an actor but I didn’t give it much thought until one day when my nieces, who were tweens then, were at my house watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer and while changing a diaper I happened to glance up at the TV and saw my neighbor on the screen.  “Hey, that guy lives two houses away,” I pointed out, gesturing towards the TV with a poop-smeared wipe in my hand.  Obviously I had never watched the show and had no idea who this Angel character was, but judging by the ear-piercing, alien-sounding squeals coming from my nieces this David Boreanaz guy was a big deal.

That wasn’t the first, or the last time I didn’t recognize a celebrity.  You see, I’m celebrity-blind.  While most people imagine they see George Clooney in every gas station and Thai restaurant in town, I wouldn’t recognize a celebrity if he was living next door to me.

I once stood for fifteen minutes in front of an outdoor table at the Grove waiting for my husband, and had no idea my ass was blocking the view of Heidi Klum and her husband Seal.  I didn’t realize I was sitting next to Teri Hatcher during breakfast at a local deli until my friend pointed her out, and on another occasion waited for ten minutes for the valet at that same deli while standing next to Danny DeVito. (Who on earth could not recognize Danny DeVito?) Then there was the time, despite being a huge Friends fan, I sat across from Lisa Kudrow in my ob/gyn’s office and I thought she was just another pregnant woman hoarding all the good magazines.  My husband recognized her, though, and he didn't even watch the show -  although he did manage to come up with some crude, but clever jokes involving a specimen mix-up being turned into valuable celebrity memorabilia

It’s a definite handicap, living in the land of the famous and not being able to recognize the celebrities among us.  It renders me useless to out of town visitors who are eager for a glimpse of their favorite actors or actresses – according to me no famous person has been spotted in Los Angeles, ever.  Who knows how many times I may have shared an elevator with Hugh Jackman and didn’t know it?  Sure it saved him from a rabid fan, but I may never get to show him my ‘love dance’ and give him that crumpled, tear-stained letter I’ve been carrying in my pocket for the past six months. 

Last summer I took my two daughters ice skating at a local rink, and as we were leaving a guy entering with his son held the door open for us. He looked vaguely familiar to me, but I couldn’t place his face. Just as I thought I had figured out who it was, my sister in law leaned over and whispered to me, “Don’t look, but that was the dude from Bones.”  Sure enough, it was my old neighbor David Boreanaz, and while I have to admit I was hurt when there wasn’t even the slightest glimmer of recognition in his eyes, I guess I can’t blame him – I thought he was my dentist.

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Daily Celebrity Dropping: RIP Gary Coleman

Gary Coleman died this morning from a brain hemorrhage resulting from a fall in his Utah home two days ago.  Even though his adult life had turned into kind of a spectacle, he really was a cute kid. And who hasn't uttered the line, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" at least once?



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tags: gary coleman dies | diff'rent strokes | dana plato |

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I interviewed Nikki Sixx and Kelly Gray while I was totally wired but not in a good way

My interview with Mötley Crüe's Nikki Sixx and his partner Kelly Gray is in the current issue of Genlux magazine. Gray, the daughter of the St. Johns Knits founders, and Sixx teamed up to start Royal Underground, an incredibly badass line of clothing that is the favorite of rock n' roll royalty. I asked them if a writer mom with two kids could rock a little Royal Underground, and Sixx just laughed and said that, speaking as a father of four, no matter what we wear our kids will never think we're cool. Well, mister, obviously you've never seen my bedazzled mom jeans and studded fanny pack.

I interviewed them over the phone, and coincidentally later that day a friend called to tell me she had a phone interview coming up and was wondering what high-tech equipment I used to talk to all these high-falutin' celebrities. I told her to come over and check it out, but that if she was expecting something out of Mission Impossible she was going to be disappointed because my desk looks like it belongs to a high school science nerd circa 1970. All that's missing is a can of Cactus Cooler and a tube of Clearasil. Okay maybe just the Cactus Cooler.

Last year I went to Radio Shack and bought a small tape recorder that is used specifically for recording calls off the phone. Sounds shady, I know, and I think the clerk even mumbled something about only previously selling them to middle-aged men with shifty eyes. Then, because I always like to have an additional recording source as backup, recently the friendly clerk at Radio Shack (who I'm now on a first-name basis with and is probably going to ask me to adopt him), suggested a recording earphone. One end plugs into the recorder and the other end has a small device that you put in whichever ear you would put the phone receiver up to.

I know you're starting to get an unbelievably sexy mental image of me right now. Hold on, let me put on my retainer.

Anyway, by the time I'm ready to do a phone interview, I've got enough wires running in and around me that I'm almost afraid to take a sip of my coffee because I think that a spilled drop will set off an electrical fire. I imagine Rigel and the girls finding my body, burned to a crisp in my office chair and the only way they'll know for sure it's me is by the piece of metal with the Radio Shack logo embedded in my corpse.

But don't let this nerdy scenario scare you away from reading the interview. Both Sixx and Gray were really funny and smart and real, and I have a feeling that even if they could see me on the other end of the phone wrapped in my fifty cords and wires they wouldn't judge me. Especially if they saw my fanny pack with the Mötley Crüe logo on it.


Click here to read the text.

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tags: royal underground | genlux magazine | nikki sixx | kelly gray | motley crue

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Girlfriends

My Genlux interview with actress April Bowlby is on the newsstands now. In case you don't know who she is, she's currently starring with Margaret Cho in Lifetime's Drop Dead Diva. But maybe you'll recognize her as Jon Cryer's girlfriend/wife on Two and a Half Men and Neil Patrick Harris' girlfriend on How I Met Your Mother. If you met her you'd want her to be your girlfriend, too.

This was one of my favorite interviews I've done. She was sweet, funny and genuinely nice and what started out as a 45-minute lunch turned into an almost three-hour afternoon. After it was done I wanted to be best friends with April and invite her over so we could talk about boys and give each other fake tattoos with Sharpies. That didn't happen but we did become friends on Facebook, the adult equivalent of someday possibly maybe planning to hang out at Dairy Queen after school.


You can read the interview and see all the photos here.

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tags: april bowlby | genlux magazine | drop dead diva | two and a half men | how i met your mother

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The Book of Mila Kunis

My interview with actress Mila Kunis is in the current issue of Genlux magazine. When I told people I was going to interview her the question I got most often was, "Who is Mila Kunis?" and "Does this mean you'll be able to pay me back the $20 you owe me?" To answer the first question, Mila currently stars in The Book of Eli with Denzel Washington but you might know her from That 70's Show and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. The answer to the second question is, "No, and as your mother I'm deeply offended."

I've never had an interview subject get upset by any questions I've asked -- I thought for sure Kim Kardashian would bolt when I brought up O.J. Simpson but she was open and candid about the whole thing -- but Mila got pretty agitated when I brought up something about her I had found online. It involved her audition for "That '70s Show," and was a story about how she had lied about her age. All audition participants were required to be 18 years old, but Mila was only 14 and told producers she was going to be 18 "on her birthday," not specifying which birthday. She got the part despite having misled them, and her creativity in gaining the audition was said to have factored in to her being cast.

Personally, I thought it was a pretty awesome story and was thinking to myself how I was going to start telling people that I turned 30 "on my birthday."

Well, when I brought this up let's just say Mila wasn't congratulating me on my fine internet research skills. She said, "Alright, look -- I'm putting an end to this story right now!" and proceeded to tell me how sick she was of hearing it, what an old story it was and how she's been asked it for years and how she wished I was dead.

Okay, I made up that last part, but she was pretty hoppin' mad and my habit of beating a dead horse didn't help any when I then asked her, "So, is it true?" She kind of breathed a is-this-freaking-interview-over-yet sigh and then she said, "I didn't say it wasn't true." I finally left it at that because who needs Mila Kunis pissed at you? Not me.

I did find out she shops at Target and likes to sleep in, though, which makes her alright in my book.


You can read the interview and see all the awesome photos here.

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tags: mila kunis | genlux magazine | the book of eli

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MamaPop: Jon Gosselin's Stomach Is Telling Us To Go To Hell

I have a new post up on MamaPop about Jon Gosselin's stomach. Let's just say it involves Jon's stomach speaking to me in the voice of McGruff the Crime Dog. My God, if that doesn't just make you put down your Wii remote and rush right on over, I don't know what will.

So there's this picture that's been all over the internet, of Jon Gosselin exposing his stomach. There he is nonchalantly texting and at the same time treating us all to a glimpse of his blubbery mound. And while most people are wondering how he could be so careless, I tend to think he's doing it on purpose. It's like Jon's stomach is giving us the finger...

Read More...

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tags: jon gosselin | kate gosselin | jon & kate plus 8 | mamapop

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Gordon Ramsay, You've Been Served.

My newest post is up on MamaPop and it's titled, "Turns Out Gordon Ramsay Really IS an Asshole." Well, I guess that kind of explains it all.

Ever since Matlock went off the air I'd been looking for a new TV show to occupy my time. That changed a few years ago when Hell's Kitchen came on the scene and I'd tune in every week to see Gordon Ramsay berate, belittle and bully his lowly contestants until they cried salty tears into their béarnaise sauce and became hallowed-out chicken carcasses of their former selves. It was so fun! And the part at the end where the loser's picture catches on fire? That was awesome and stuff.

But I always thought the whole angriest-man-in-the-world thing was just an act. I figured that after the cameras stopped rolling Ramsay would get everyone in a group hug, dry their tears with the edge of his apron and they'd all pile into his Prius and go get some fro yo.

Apparently I was wrong...Read More...

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tags: gordon ramsay | hell's kitchen | mamapop

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Here's one of those posts where I try and make my life look interesting

I'm going to write one of those entries that condenses the events of the past few weeks or so into a few short, neat paragraphs. This makes my life look way more interesting than it is because it's action-packed and gives the impression that I'm doing something other than updating my Facebook profile every five minutes. You may even say to yourself, "Holy crap that Sweatpantsmom has got an interesting life!" which is what I say to myself to keep myself from crying while I'm scrubbing the toilet bowl.

HOW TO LET A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD DOWN EASY

Kira recently got asked out on her first date. I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating only because I didn't get to explain how the boy asked her out which is so - for lack of a better word - cute. Apparently he found out who sat next to Kira in math and texted that girl during class and asked her to ask Kira out for him. I told you it was cute.

Then, when the girl relayed the message and Kira said 'no,' he told the girl that now he felt like an ass and to tell Kira he was just kidding. I don't think he meant for the girl to relay the 'ass' part of the message but she did, and when Kira told me this story I immediately felt sorry for the poor guy. I asked her if she was at least nice when she turned down, and she said she told the girl to tell him, "I'm too young to date." Is that brilliant or what? She had already learned to let the guy down easy with the teen version of, "It's not you, it's me."

I KEPT UP WITH A KARDASHIAN

A couple of weeks ago I interviewed Kim Kardashian for Genlux magazine. She showed up without any makeup and was still beautiful, and the best part was that she ate like a real person, because I have this thing about not trusting anyone who doesn't eat. You'll have to read the article when it comes out to see what she ordered, but let's just say for once I didn't feel lonely while chowing down on my fried chicken.

Also, she talked about O.J. Simpson (her dad Robert was O.J.'s best friend and also part of his defense team) which was really intriguing, and surprising since I wasn't sure if she would be willing to divulge anything about it. When I was telling Rigel about it Kira overheard and said, "What? You talked about orange juice?" I told her she certainly wouldn't get asked out on any more text dates with that kind of sarcasm.

STEP ASIDE KATIE COURIC

We were invited to a Lunchables event and Kiyomi got to interview Shawn Johnson, the Olympic gold medalist and Dancing With The Stars finalist. I think she did a good job, considering the kid is only ten and this was her first interview. (I'm talking about Kiyomi, not Shawn.) When we got to the event Kiyomi was pretty nervous, but she walked right up to a Los Angeles Times reporter and started chatting him up and pretty soon he was divulging what kind of Lunchables he liked best. I think this kid's going to go far - imagine if that was Charlie Sheen and he was talking about hookers. CLICK HERE to see Kiyomi's interview with Shawn.


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tags: kim kardashian | shawn johnson | dancing with the stars | teens & dating

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I Think About Denise Richards So You Don't Have to

My latest post is up over on MamaPop, and in it I ponder the enigma that is Denise Richards. Why is she so famous? Who asked her to sing? Did she really ask for Charlie Sheen's sperm? Some may call it an obsession, but I just call it the musings of a concerned citizen.

You can read more, and listen to Denise sing over here.

Let's just say she's no Susan Boyle.

And speaking of Susan Boyle, surprising voices and Britain's Got Talent, take a listen to Greg Pritchard.

Let's just say he's no Denise Richards.




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tags: greg pritchard | britain's got talent | susan boyle | denise richards

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LA Moms Blog: I wouldn't know a celebrity if they moved in next door to me

I know I promised a week of posts about Kira, but that'll have to wait until next week since I'm busy preparing for the 20 teen girls who are going to descend on our house tomorrow for her 13th birthday party. So my current post on the LA Moms Blog will have to do. Besides, I thought many of you would probably rather check out a half-naked picture of my good friend David Boreanaz anyways.

Almost thirteen years ago, right after I had my first baby we were living in the Hollywood Hills. Like most new mothers, I spent a freakish amount of time pushing my newborn daughter in her stroller around the neighborhood, partly to let her get some fresh air but mostly to pull myself away from endless hours spent on the couch crying and watching Roseanne reruns.

A couple of times on those walks I ran into a neighbor, David, who had recently moved into a house around the corner from us. He mentioned that he was an actor but I didn’t give it much thought until one day when my nieces, who were tweens then, were at my house watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer and while changing a diaper I happened to glance up at the TV and saw my neighbor on the screen. “Hey, that guy lives two houses away,” I pointed out, gesturing towards the TV with a poop-smeared wipe in my hand. Obviously I had never watched the show and had no idea who this Angel character was, but judging by the ear-piercing, alien-sounding squeals coming from my nieces this David Boreanaz guy was a big deal...Read More...

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tags: celebrities | celebrity sightings | david boreanaz | bones

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I don't mind if you just look at the pictures

The current issue of Genlux magazine with my interview with Mischa Barton is on the newsstands. I just want to take this opportunity to say what an awesome experience it's been working with Genlux - such an incredibly talented group of people, putting out an extraordinarily beautiful magazine that I would certainly buy even if I didn't get mine for free. Of course, then I might not be able to afford my weekly People, and who knows how long I'd last without being able to read about Tori Spelling's liposuction.

The spread is based on the 60's British movie Blow-Up, and is shot by renowned photographer Marc Baptiste. Even if you don't read the article, you should check out the photographs which are amazing. Then, when you get tired of looking at Mischa's legs that go on forever or the smooth, nicely toned abs on all the half-naked men, you can drift on over and read my interview.

You can see the pictures and the article here.

Me, I've already read it and am moving on to this week's People - I hear there's an in-depth interview with the middle Jonas brother.

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tags: mischa barton | genlux magazine

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Mischa Barton doesn't feel my pain

A few weeks ago I interviewed Mischa Barton, and for those of you whose first question when I mentioned I'd be having lunch with her was, "Is she anorexic?" the answer is, no. And for the others whose first question was, "Couldn't they find a professional to do the interview?" the answer is again, no, and believe it or not some people actually find my nervous laugh and occasional drooling charming.

There's been a lot of media speculation about her weight, especially since she's been cast in Ashton Kutcher's new series and they've told her to put on a few pounds for the role, but I can tell you the girl is not deathly thin as some of the tabloids will have you believe. She ate almost none of the dumplings and yams she ordered, but then again maybe I made her nervous by saying things like, "Did you know yams are full of carbs?" and then grabbing her stomach with my fat caliper I just happened to have in my purse.

The interview was originally scheduled for 4pm on a Monday, and that Sunday before I spent literally half the day trying to line up someone to watch my girls after school for a few hours. After coming up empty handed, Rigel and I finally resorted to our last-choice scenario: we'd leave them home alone, and I lined up two different neighbors, who were going to be in and out with various obligations of their own, to check in on them at half-hour intervals. The planning and coordinating was exhausting - Rigel thought my Powerpoint presentation I sent out showing schedules and emergency procedures was a little much - but I didn't want to leave anything to chance.

I say last-choice scenario because the whole thing didn't feel right to me. Kira's thirteen in a couple of months and Kiyomi is a mature ten, but I still struggle with leaving them home alone. People have mentioned that thirteen is the age when some teens are hired as babysitters, but personally I can't imagine paying someone to watch my kids who would show up in a Hannah Montana t-shirt and might actually be tempted to steal their Pokemon cards. Sure I've left them alone while I've run to the grocery store, but that was only for 45 minutes and I was less than a mile away. This time I'd be at a swanky restaurant on the other side of town, hanging out with a celebrity and having a free lunch and a nice glass of wine. (Wow - as I typed that last line? I almost forgot I had kids.)

Rigel, on the other hand, didn't see any problem with leaving them alone, and here's where we differ: while he was pointing out how responsible our girls were, and how we didn't have to worry about them getting in trouble - that was the farthest thing from my mind. I didn't think for a minute that they would set the couch on fire, or spray paint the cat, or chug our good vodka through a funnel. No, what I was worried about was the axe murderer that could pry open the patio doors with his five-foot scythe, or the perv who'd been casing our house and was waiting to gain entry by showing Kiyomi a picture of his 'lost kitten.' You laugh, but if you'll remember I nearly called the bomb squad when my laptop battery arrived in an unmarked envelope.

To my relief, I was saved by a friend who had her afternoon freed up and agreed to keep both girls over at her house. But wouldn't you know it - after waiting at the restaurant for 45 minutes that day, her publicist called to say Mischa's dog had to be rushed to the vet with a slipped disc, and we had to reschedule the interview. When I finally did meet with her the next day, I thought about how she had no idea what I had gone through to get there. Not that a 23-year-old should care about my child care woes, but I had the urge to wave a craggy finger in her direction and lecture her on how she'd be old like me some day, worrying about bad people climbing in her windows and stealing her children. Life isn't just pilates classes and glamorous photo shoots and hanging out with Ashton Kutcher at the Ivy. Yeah, I'd show her alright.

But I'm still conflicted with whether or not I should start leaving my girls home alone. What's the correct age? Am I being too paranoid? Is Kiyomi right, and they could fight off an intruder with their hairbrush and a Wii remote? Should I follow through with my plan not to leave them alone until they're 25? Is there really a convict on the loose with a hook instead of a hand?

(Comments from axe murderers or perverts will be deleted immediately.)

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tags: mischa barton | genlux magazine | hey who's watching my kids

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I can get you a copy for free if you want one

This is old news now, but the interview I did with Paz Vega for Genlux way back when is on the newsstands now. In fact, it's been on the newsstands for awhile - it's probably been pushed to the back of the rack to make room for the five-thousand magazines that have cover stories on that woman who had eight babies and already has something like fifty other kids at home.

This interview stands out for me in that it was the only one I was late for. Usually I like to get to the restaurant at least twenty minutes beforehand so I can test out my tape recorders, have a sip of wine and stuff myself with bread so that I can pretend to be a dainty eater once the interviewee gets there. Then I'll order a salad, or some sort of dish that consists of a coin-sized piece of fish and a couple of strings of spinach, and then pick at it for a few minutes before I go, "Oh, I'm so full. You know, I haven't eaten that much since I was 12."

But this time it was a crazy day, and I ended up flying into the restaurant around 15 minutes behind schedule. Paz was already seated, so I introduced myself, clunked my behemoth, 95-pound purse down and proceeded to set up for the interview. Unfortunately one of the first things I did was pull my iPhone out of my purse, but not before I noticed that there was a huge hunk of half-eaten Cliff Bar clinging to the bottom. I'm not sure, but I hear that's the sure way to show you're a professional journalist - pull out an electronic device that has a large piece of half-eaten foot affixed to it. It sort of says, "I'm so busy and on the road, I have to text and snack at the same time."

One of my favorite parts of the interview is where she talks about her dad being a bullfighter. I could tell it was something she was really passionate about, but I was a little worried about putting it in my final piece - I envisioned some animal-rights peoples showing up at the Genlux offices and smearing their door with bull blood, or worse yet showing up at my house and yanking my hamburger right out of my hand. But kudos to the editors for keeping it in the interview - I just wish they had kept the part in where I explain how I took that hunk of Cliff Bar and, without wrapping it, slipped it right back into my purse.

You can read the entire article here, once you've finished reading all those other magazine articles about the octuplets.

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tags: paz vega | genlux magazine | spanglish

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Friday: Paz Vega, The Jonas Brothers and a Huge Fire

Friday was one of those exhausting, surreal, running-on-adrenaline-and-espresso kind of days. The kind where you vaguely recollect what you did, but then aren't sure exactly how you got there, what transpired or exactly what the outcome was. It's like looking at pictures of a college party and then going, "Oh, I was wondering how I ended up at that coffee shop, wearing my bathrobe and covered in Sharpie scribbles." Well, Friday wasn't that bad, but was such a whirlwind I'm still taking it all in. I did wake up this morning with a wristband on, though, and the smell of smoke in my hair. Come to think of it, it was exactly like a college party.

The day started off with a lunch interview with Paz Vega. She was great - I got there late, though, which I hate since it throws me off and takes me a few minutes to get my bearings. She got to see me arrive breathless and sweaty and then fumbling for tape recorders in my purse while Ralphs receipts and mints tumbled out. Also, it looks really, really professional when you pull our your iPhone and there's a hunk of granola bar stuck to the bottom.



Went to the private Jonas Brothers Concert at the Roxy that I mentioned before. When I say we were close to the stage, I'm talking about leaning up against it - Kiyomi had her Shirley Temple parked there before the security guy removed it. And then - omigod Kevin and Joe leaned over and touched their hands. Kiyomi swears she'll never wash that hand again, which is already getting a little scary after the pizza, chicken wings and Ring Pop she had today. (Note: If you see her you might want to do more of a fist-bump rather than a full-on handshake.)

I once again witnessed Kira working the security guys down front like she did at the last concert we took her to, which is alarming. There were two of them, talking and laughing with her, and I was getting ready to move in if I heard them say the words, "I'm with the band." Kiyomi scored a guitar pick from some guy, as well. Rigel and I have decided that from now on the only concerts they'll be allowed to attend are those where the security guys are really old gay men.

Evacuated Rigel's dad from the Sylmar fire. If you've been watching the news, you know that we have more than a few fires going on here in Southern California. Rigel picked up his dad at around 2am, and said he saw palm trees on fire a block away from his house. We're sad for everyone who lost their homes - there is so much devastation. We're more than a few miles away from the fire, but our eyes are stinging and the air smells like smoke. There was an earthquake in Filmore, too, and now they're warning of blackouts. I'm preparing for locusts next, or crop circles on our front lawn.

Today, Saturday, was blissfully uneventful. It's 10:15 pm and we're starting to talk about what to have for dinner, Kiyomi is still in her pajamas and I just had a double cappuccino at 8:30. Like I said, a totally normal day.

(Remember, you can watch the Jonas Brother's concert here on line at 3pm est. You might see us.)

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tags: jonas brothers concert at the roxy | paz vega | southern california fires | tweens

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What my interview with Paris Hilton has to do with tomorrow's election

A few weeks ago I interviewed Paris Hilton for Genlux magazine. The issue is now out on the newsstands, and it seems a quote from my article is making its way around the blogosphere - even Perez Hilton used it. I'm thinking of sending him a bill for $10,000 or at least making him send me one of his Gossip Gangster hoodies.

The quote comes at the very end of the article, and was in response to me asking whether or not it was true that Paris had booked a seat on Richard Branson's Virgin Enterprise Rocket, which is set to blast into space in 2009. Her answer was:

"With the whole light-years thing, what if I come back ten-thousand years later and everyone I know is dead? I'll be like, "Great. Now I have to start all over."

To her credit, the response was given with a wink, but the quote is being used as just another example of her ditziness. But I'm sure Paris doesn't care - as she's said before, she's laughing all the way to the bank. After all, this is a woman who makes six-figures just by getting occasionally photographed without her panties on, something most of us do for free.

While the idea of a rocket ship ride into space didn't seem appealing at first, I have to say after considering Paris' words I might be willing to cough up a few grand to take that ride. If the election doesn't go the way I'd like tomorrow, packing up the family, blasting off into the cosmos and returning ten-thousand years later may be the only thing left to do.

You can read the article here. I'm pretty excited, as I'm thinking it's probably the only time my words will ever be on the same page as a dress that costs $16,000.

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tags: paris hilton | genlux magazine | paris hilton richard branson virgin enterprise

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Nicer Than Some People

Last week I interviewed Paris Hilton for Genlux magazine. I know that what I'm about to say will cause some of you to leave me mean comments, or take me off your blogroll, or send me text messages that say 'Sellout!' (And that's just from my mother.)

So here goes.

I actually liked her.

(Okay, now I know at least one of you will leave a bag of flaming dog poop on my doorstep, to which I say, bring it on - our cat has taken a crap twice on our bed, so don't think I can't handle some poop packaged neatly in a bag.)

I admit I used to roll my eyes occasionally when I heard her name, and even cringed a little when I heard I'd be interviewing her. But I have to say she was actually one of the nicest, and most gracious people I've ever met. Nicer than most celebrities I've met. Hell, nicer than some non-celebrities I've met. Certainly nicer than most non-celebrities I've met in Trader Joes.

I can't divulge much of our interview until the issue comes out, but she did surprise me with her sense of humor, her business smarts and her take on politics. Some of it made it into the interview, and some didn't. Some of it, like her political views, were said off the record and she asked (very nicely) that it not be included in the interview. I'm going to save the tape, though, in case she is ever asked to be the Vice Presidential nominee and then that thing is going straight over to the National Enquirer to help pay for my new kitchen.

We met on the rooftop of this new hotel in Beverly Hills. They have a private bar up there with cabanas, and apparently Paris likes to hang out there. A few days prior to the interview I was told we'd be meeting at Paris' house, which I'm glad didn't happen - I've never set foot in a celebrity's home, and I'm not sure I'd know how to act. I think the urge to steal something would be too great - surely she wouldn't miss these two nice diamond encrusted urns, or this rack of Chanel dresses? And then I'd have to take some pictures of myself when she wasn't looking, maybe lounging in her bathtub pretending to soap myself down with my tape recorder.

There were two interviews before me, and Paris was running late. One of her assistants was already there and told us to order whatever we wanted to eat and drink from the bar, so we did. Which was preferable to what I would have been doing, which is selling after-school snacks on the playground at Kiyomi's school. Call me shallow, but I think I totally deserved that nice glass of chardonnay and those curried tuna rolls after years of hawking juice boxes and Cheez-Its to grade-schoolers in the hot sun.

Paris arrived, surprisingly without an entourage and with only her manager. She apologized to everyone for being late, then got down to business, blazing through two interviews (one with AP and one with Reuters) and a photo shoot in the span of around an hour. I had the most time for my interview, around 90 minutes, during which time she only stopped once to take a phone call from her sister Nicky. I, on the other hand, had to pause around five times to check my tape recorders since I'm always convinced I'm going to get home and there'll be nothing on there but static. Or, that one of them will fail and then the recorder that contains the only good recording will fall underneath my tire as I'm fumbling for my keys and then my car will accidentally shift into gear and roll over it. It's really exhausting, this whole paranoia thing.

After the whole thing was over she gave me a hug, posed for a picture on my iPhone and then asked if she could write a little note to each of my girls, which she did. I decided to hang out there for awhile, have an espresso and really milk this whole celebrity-on-a-rooftop vibe, even though I had to pay for that coffee myself. Oh, and I checked those tape recorders one more time.

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tags: paris hilton | genlux magazine

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