Friday, April 11, 2008

Look Who's Talking

Awhile ago I told you we had gotten a new cat, Milkshake. Isn't he cute? We love him to death, but problem is sometimes he does bad things, things that make me threaten to make him live in the garage, or put on that humiliating, pink furry cat sweater I bought him as a joke.

Thank goodness I took that Cat Whispering class! Best five-grand I ever spent, even though it was being given by a guy who called himself 'PussyLuvr' who lived with a bunch of other middle-aged guys in a trailer. Because without his help I never would have been able to figure out what Milkshake was trying to tell me. Just look at some of the things he's said to me in the past week:

"I left you a present in your shower! I know it smells, but I MADE IT MYSELF."


"Of course I appreciate the fact that you saved me from the shelter. That's why I'm scratching the shit out of your leather couch."

"Uh, please stop trying to pull your jacket out from under me WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP."

"I love you."

"I hate you."

"I WILL sleep on your stomach, bitch."

"I hope somebody feeds you 'Lamb and Rice' everyday and for every meal in your next life."

"Help! That tinfoil ball is totally trying to kill me."

"I'll stop attacking your arm when it stops looking like a big piece of tuna."

"Hey, you think YOUR poop smells like raindrops and daisies?"

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  1. Oh my god. Is that seriously Milkshake? Cuz he looks just a tad demented. I'd lock my bedroom doors at night if I were you.

    BTW, I get the "I love you" "I hate you" thing all the time. My therapist tells me just to accept it.

  2. Holy crap - IT'S CUJO!!!

  3. We have two cats; the one who just got off the feeding tube, and the other is a male "kitten" of about 9 months of age who is seriously getting on my nerves with the whole "hey, here's my new penis" display every ten minutes.

  4. My cats say things to me like that too. I wonder where they get those potty mouths. ;-)

  5. awesome! Could you come and see if some of that whispering action will work on my bunneh? Cause she is eating her own crap and then licking me and I sorta don't like it...

  6. Aww...
    Milkshake sounds like a hoot :)

    Nut su shure about your whispering abilitites though..... Have you tried some written short notes?? ;-)

  7. Aw, suddenly I miss my shitty cat.

  8. Wow. Milkshake is hostile.

  9. I'm still laughing. I read these to the Loved. "I totally know that cat," he said.

  10. I KNEW I should have taken that class before my cat kicked the I'll never know which he said more often, the "I hate you", or "Die Bitch Die!"
    Diana @ Stuck in Elmo's World

  11. He's really friggin cute! A little carazay looking, but adorable!

  12. NorCal Sistah4/14/2008 4:56 PM

    Maybe she is being possessed by Mookie who is sure to be jealous about the fact that Milkshake is getting to live in the house.

  13. Awwww - here kitty kitty!

    Hey, can you pass on some cat whispering tips? I think mine is trying to kill me.


  14. Passive aggressive little cuss isn't he? MEN!

  15. Um, quite frankly, I am a little terrified of Milkshake.

  16. I can speak cat:


  17. All of Milkshake's inner thoughts are the reason I am a dog person. Also, 'Pussyluvr?' That's priceless.

    We have a stray who can often be found wandering our backyard. She seems sweet enough, but while she's rubbing herself against my legs as I bend down to pet her, I always feel like she's this close from turning on me and ripping my face off.

  18. Ah, cats.

    From my years of experience as a cat owner (even though I am sadly catless now), I have concluded that boy cats go through an adolescent phase that is very similar to the one human boys go through.

    If that is any consolation.

    (And that totally IS a photo of the actual Milkshake, people. I'd recognize those stripy legs anywhere. Though he seems to have developed quite a bit more catitude. Ahem.)

    Oh, and Kelley with the bunneh? You do know that ALL rabbits eat their own poop, every day, right? They have to. It's part of their digestion.

    They seem really cute until you find that out . . .

  19. Threaten him with de-clawing and see if that improves his attitude.

  20. Yup, time to whip out that pink sweater you were talking about!

    But, I do love the name Milkshake.

  21. I think I have Milkshake's long lost twin. Granted, Sarah is black & white, and the size of an elephant, but they sound so similar. They are at least cousins!


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