Thursday, June 28, 2007

Maybe This is Where The Term "Feather Brained" Comes From

A couple of weeks ago I was making one of my exciting forays to the grocery store and decided to buy one of those mammoth Valu-Paks of chicken breasts, the ones that come on a styrofoam tray that's so huge you can use it for a boogie board after you're done. They were on sale, and I was so excited I spent the rest of my supermarket outing daydreaming of all the creative ways I'd be using that bounty of chicken over the next few years - chicken stew, chicken enchiladas, chicken tikka. By the time I was done with that chicken my kids would be on their way to college and Rigel and I could get back to eating fast food everynight like normal people do.

The next day I hopped in my van to run some errands and noticed an odd smell, which isn't unusual considering the girls have a small farm of forgotten and discarded Frappuccinos and Jamba Juices growing in the backseat. But this one was worse, sort of...chickeny. I'm sure you can guess where this is going.

Somehow my coveted Valu-Pak had managed to get left behind in the back of the van when I unloaded the car the day before. And with everything else going on I hadn't noticed that it wasn't there when I was putting away the groceries. And no, I didn't even consider for one minute trying to fry up that putrid mass and serve it to my family for dinner that night. Okay, maybe only for a minute.

I wish I could say this is an isolated incident, but things like this seem to be happening more frequently. The other day I was at Barnes&Noble with the kids, and was so concerned with finding their manga books and sucking down the last of my cappuccino that I wandered off and left my purse, wide open, on a chair for around fifteen minutes. Then there's the forgetting of my PIN number (in my defense it was a bank issued number, but still one that I'd had for awhile) and numerous incidents where I have to make Rigel drive back to the house because I can't remember if I turned the stove/cappuccino machine/curling iron off. If this keeps up I'm going to be one of those mothers you hear about on the news that leaves her kids in the gas station restroom and doesn't realize it until she goes to sign them up for swim lessons three months later.

A friend of mine once theorized that we only have so many slots in our brains for information, and the more things we have going on in our lives (e.g., kids, and then there's kids) the faster those slots fill up. Once they're all filled, the only way to take in any more data is for some other piece of information to be deleted. So, while figuring out how to work the Wii and memorizing the sales dates at Bloomingdales may be important, it could cause other more vital information to be pushed out, like the fact that you have twenty pounds of poultry rotting in the back of your van.

I've decided that the only way to get back on track is to try and delete some of the less important information that's taking up valuable space in my obviously crowded frontal lobe. Sort of like clearing my hard drive off all my unnecessary files, like invoices from ten years ago and those 20mb jpegs of Jake Gyllenhaal half naked. So, I'm going to try really hard to forget Paris Hilton ever existed and attempt to wipe the words to Disco Inferno (Burn, baby burn!) out of my head. Maybe then I'll remember where I put that twenty-dollar bill that I swore I stuffed in my makeup bag.

I'll let you know how my little experiment is going. In the meantime, if I have you over for dinner, don't eat the chicken.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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48 comments:

  1. Oh that's nasty. *plugs nose*

    What is with the coffee drinks? I never got the allure, but my teen daughters are starting to demand them.

    $5.00 for a cup of coffee? Oh hell no. Get a job.

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  2. This morning I had the most embarrassing mental lapse ever. As I was stepping out of the shower (and I take short showers), I could not remember if I'd washed my hair or not.

    Fortunately, the towel on my wet head clued me in.

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  3. I'm sure that really bummed you out. (I know how you feel about TEH MEAT!)

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  4. My current fave game is 'where did I leave my keys?'; even though I always ALWAYS put them in the same place.

    Oh, and I left the oven on today (after I made cookies... oh yes)... It took my housemate to ask me a good hour later if I had it on for a reason before I realised... I really shouldn't be left on my own!

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  5. *gag* stinky ripe meat.

    I've bee notoriously forgetting/leaving/losing things since having Carter. I attribute it to children for sure.

    Too bad humans didn't have external hard drives like computers... but then, I'd probably misplace that too.

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  6. I can take just about anything, but stinky chicken just makes me want to plug up my nose with a few Airwicks.

    I once ate some undercooked chicken (I'm the dumbass who undercooked it, btw), when I was pregnant. It took me 10 years before I could be around fried chicken again, much less consume it.

    And now that I've remembered it and told it to you, it'll be another 10 years. Thanks ever so, you chicken ruiner, you.

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  7. Yeah.

    I'm with ya.

    I left the eggs in the car last weekend.

    90 degree heat.

    Saturday and Sunday.

    Sunny side up, anyone? Breakfast is suuuuurrrrvved! Wooo-hah!

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  8. Oh god, the smell. I hope you get the smell out of your van.

    Personally, I need to find a way to exorcise all of the 1980s song lyrics from my overtaxed brain.

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  9. does it still smell? I guess that the thought of chicken is gone out of your recipe box for a while! Actually, yesterday I showed up at my Moms and went to change the baby's diaper and lo-and-behold - I forgot the diapers at home! I was so mad I had to buy them at the drug store when I had a big box of 176 of them from Costco at home!!!

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  10. Sadly, I am here to testify that cream filled coffee spilled into the car carpet does not simply fade away, but festers and boils into some stench which forever lingers.

    I am also with Julie - Can I please erase many 1980's pop references out of my brain? That should free up at least 2MB of room.

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  11. Before you delete the naked Jake Gyllenhaal photos, could you at least post a link to them?

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  12. Just found you through Blogmad. ;)

    I have mental lapse too, mostly language-wise. Like I forget my French and can't think of the English word. Or speak both language in one sentence.

    Too bad I'm a teacher :D

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  13. I do this too... Unfortunately on a regular basis.

    What's sad is awhile back while in Target, I walked right past a fellow blogger and didn't recognize her at first. We've hung out several times. And my first thought when I saw her was, "Oh she's really pretty. And she smiled at me. I bet she's a cool chick to be friends with." (Smacks hand on forehead. DUH!

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  14. Don't you... forget about me!

    Don't, don't, don't, don't.

    I used to blame my failing memory on short term memory loss, but I think it's something more now. Something more... permanent.

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  15. Lettuce left for weeks, wilted, rotted, smelled.

    I'd delete all the Barney songs.

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  16. This would NEVER have happened if you lived in, say, Fargo, and it was January.

    Almost makes one want to go the veggie route. Almost.

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  17. I'm laughing out loud. I hate it when I'm frantically cleaning up after lunch (right before the nirvana that is naptime) and I somehow put the pb in the fridge and the jelly in the cupboard.

    The kids haven't (yet) complained about the taste of their sandwiches, so I think I'm safe.

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  18. I left food in the car before but not as often as I have left food ON the car...

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  19. Blech! That must have smelled nasty! :)

    Don't feel bad.I once had to get a new ATM card because I kept putting in the pin for my cell phone voicemail instead. I didn't realize my mistake until weeks after. And I had the same pin # on that card for at least 5 years.

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  20. I have always believed that limited-number-of-slots theory. Which is why I couldn't go back to school. Ever. Or I would be forced to forget my husband's name.

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  21. I'm not sure if I'm relieved that this is not exclusively a new mom thing - or terrified that this will be my life FOREVER.

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  22. I came this close to leaving the Tri-tip in the garage last night- after grocery shopping until 9:45 at night. I remembered it was sitting in the cooler of ice two hours later... (When you shop in 90 degree heat- and have to go to more than one store, you shop with a cooler). Thought of you and your chicken!

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  23. we once left some home grown potatoes in the back of the cupboard under the stairs till they died a green mushy death...and I couldnt figure out the bad smell until I opened a little used cupboard and found a bag of carrots I'd forgotton about...and I foolishly opened a half finished bottle of milkshake I found under the seat in the car, the four passengers all dived out retching, good job the car was parked at the time....

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  24. LMAO!

    This reminds me of the time that a giant roast got away in the back of Dave's old Pathfinder. We were giving my brothers a ride home and they were in the back gagging over the smell, which we all chalked up to Dave's ass. When my brothers got out of the backseat we found the roast wedged between the seats...god, it was disgusting. It had been there for like, a week.

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  25. I bought that very chicken package about a month ago! And, while mine did make it to the freezer, I forgot to separate it out into smaller containers. Those boogie boards don't fit very well into the microwave, you know.

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  26. jen from boston7/06/2007 11:59 AM

    yeah, that had to be fun to take out of the car.

    I also have a bank issued PIN and after years of using it, one day just forgot it. I'm sure I was one attempt away from the machine eating my card.

    I support your brain's limited capacity for memory theory. Time to delete, delete, delete.

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  27. All I can say is that you'd fit in nicely around here.

    Mommy brain has affected myself and nearly everyone I know!

    Damn, I bet that chicken was awful!

    Carrie

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  28. Chicken: It's not as if it harbors Salmonella or anything. Gahhhhh.

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  29. Ugh! I did that with steak once! My husband thought it was great though after I threw it on the BBQ - you should try that with the chicken! The BBQ sauce helps cover the smell! no one will know!

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  30. I'm notorious for doing this with leftovers from eating out.

    I have ADHD and even with medication I wander around wondering what I am looking for... Sigh.

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  31. I did this with some yogurt before. Whatever perishable gets lefts behind, man, do they ever make you pay!

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  32. Been there... Done that...
    Doesn't make you feel any better...
    But less alone???

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  33. Gee-ross!

    But hey...how about those Wiis, huh? I pulled a muscle in my left butt cheek bowling on the Wii last month. And my sister-in-law got tennis elbow.

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  34. hi, i'm back on blogger, it's great to see you're still here. raw chicken YUK!

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  35. I'm so glad I found your blog. Hilarious!

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  36. Contrary sent me your way; looking forward to catching up on all your oldies but goodies.

    Seriously, though, I've had the same delete/replace theory for months, ever since I had to get out scratch paper to figure out how old I was. Now I remember just to grab a random kid of mine and add 20 or 30.

    However, I regret to inform you, the lyrics (burn the motha down!) are now hard-wired into your brain; the Disco Strain of the Music of my Youth virus is particularly heinous. I'm afraid the best alternative is to delete some of those crappy novels, wretched ex-boyfriends, the ending to Sixth Sense and a random year or two of the nineties. Good luck with that!

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  37. Where ARE YOU? Come BAAAAAACK.

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  38. I'm alwyas looking for my cell phone even tho I had just put it somewhere 2 seconds ago!!

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  39. I can so relate to that. My memory slots are all full, and at any given moment some gem will be kicked unannounced. That is truly a disgusting smell too!

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  40. Oh the smell!!!
    I need to delete a few things, but I'm afraid of losing some important stuff in the process...

    Anyway, you won't cook chicken when I go over, we're having ten pound steaks.

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  41. You have inspired me to take my minivan to the car wash and get a complete manager's special, inside and out, with air freshener. I haven't left raw chicken in it, but just about everything else (including rabbit litter) has been spilled within its doors.

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  42. Did the pack of howling wolves clawing at the car doors not give the rotting meat away before the smell?

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  43. Having had a traumatic brain injury that left me with memory deficits I have learned a few tricks to the trade...
    if you incorporate smells into your memory or sensory things like a velvet notebook you have a better chance of recall.
    I'm horrible about remembering names so I make up little slogans 'Anne's been banned' 'Hairy Barry- thats my neighbor also called scary Barry'
    Routine is key! Especially for finding those car keys! make a place right by the door where you drop all your stuff and don't sway from it.
    plus i have post it notes on the inside of all my cabinets with all sorts of info- neighbors names and anything that was difficult to find in the phone book.

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  44. One time I found that I had put about 6 rolls of toilet paper in the "Crisp" drawer of the refrigerator.

    Talk about refreshing...

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  45. Checking in to see how you are...

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  46. I heard about forgetfulness being linked to too much multi-tasking, but I can't forget it all. Or maybe I can't remember it all.

    What was I talking about?

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  47. Where you be, girl? *looks around*

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  48. Sounds like my wife. She's absolutely horrible at multi tasking and her brain keeps overflowing on a daily basis.

    Still no nasty chicken surprises though. Some time I will tell you about my freind who went away on a family vacation for a couple of weeks. They came home to a stinky home, so stinky it was not possible to stay. turns out on of their litttle ones had stuffed a large piece of chicken into the VCR. Imagine chicken for two weeks in 90 degree heat. Then your incident doesn't feel so bad....

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