Tuesday, June 27, 2006

This Is: A Lame Excuse For A Blog Post.

This has probably been the longest stretch I've gone without posting to this blog. I wish I had some valid excuse - a bout of amnesia resulting from a street brawl, or the discovery of a winning lottery ticket, but the truth is I just haven't had the time or the inclination to sit down and write anything. I thought about doing one of those audio posts that I've seen so many people do lately, but to be perfectly honest I absolutely hate the sound of my voice and it would be tortuous to hear it blasting out to cyberspace, causing all ten of my readers to simultaneously lunge for the 'mute' buttons on their computers.

Blogging has become such an important part of my life that when I'm away from it, it's always interesting to see the effect it has me. For instance, that witty remark I made during the school planning meeting? I pause afterwards and wonder if I should Save as Draft or hit the Publish button. And while whining to Rigel about the horrific day I had helping out with all the end-of-school parties and PTA activities, I wonder the entire time if he will leave a comment afterwards. And who else will comment? Would my story about Kira coughing into the salad bar at Vons go over better? How many hits has my life gotten today? If my phone rings does it get recorded by SiteMeter? All these thoughts are going through my head as Rigel leaves the room, growing impatient with my faraway stare and annoyed at my fingers tapping at an imaginary keyboard on my dinner plate.

I've also had no time to visit the three hundred blogs that I'm addicted to, and it's got me in a bit of a panic. I've been feeling like I'm missing something, that once I check back you'll have all signed multi-million-dollar book deals and all those pictures of your kids on your blogs will have been replaced with shots of you laying on George Clooney's lap while he drinks Cristal out of your bra cup.

We're off to stay with some friends at their lake house for a few days. I'm taking my laptop with me, and while there I'm hoping that someone pulls up Jimmy Hoffa while reeling in a trout, or I accidentally lock myself in the bathroom at the gas station, or anything else interesting that will give me some inspiration to write. Because otherwise I'll have to subject you all to an audio post of me waxing poetic about a tree or singing a lullaby to my daiquiri, or better yet maybe a video post reenaction of Kira hacking into the bins of romaine and three-bean salad at the supermarket. Don't say you weren't warned.

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58 comments:

  1. How many hits has my life gotten today?"

    Man, it feels like that sometimes doesn't it? Is there anything more disappointing than a slow blog comment day? And when I installed Haloscan to replace Blogger comments, it erased all of my previous comments, and I just about cried. Now everyone who peruses my old posts will think that no one loved me! Waaaaaaaaah!

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  2. Oh yes - we all feel comment-related angst. I think we all go through slow posting times when inspiration all but dries up and blows away in a tumbleweed of lost ancedotes and fart jokes. I decided that I'm going to get one of those tiny little notebooks wherein I can jot down anything that pops into my little head.

    Maybe your lack of inclination is because your brain is starting to shut down because you're starving?? Eat some ho-hos and then see what brillance comes from your pen...er, keyboard!

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  3. The good news is that we're not going anywhere because when you're writing, you're FUNNY!

    Have a great trip!

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  4. Even when you are writing about writer's block you're funny. Have fun at the lake house!

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  5. p.s. that George Clooney bra cup thing...I just threw out my huge prego bras because I'll never be able to wear them again...I knew I should have saved them

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  6. Just happened upon your site...
    I am a virgin to this blogging thing... and I see the future...
    and even with writer's block you reeled me in...
    I may be no Jimmy Hoffa... But it kept laughing...

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  7. This is going to sound so pathetic, but I'm so glad you posted. Love the bit about the effect blogging has had on your life. "How many hits has my life gotten today?" - There is wisdom in that funny of yours.

    I get the inclination part, but it's obvious you could make watching paint dry interesting.

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  8. I totally know how you feel. Except, of course, that I never check my sitemeter or anything like that, because I'm not all blog-famous and stuff like you, and I think it would only depress me. But otherwise, I totally know how you feel ;)

    I love reading your posts! I hope you feel like blogging more soon. But no pressure. I for one will certainly not abandon you for taking time off.

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  9. It's the summer ennui. Don't despair because we all feel it. Just don't stop writing. My head feels emptier than it has in quite awhile.

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  10. oh thank goodness you are back - I was convinced you had been arrested for actually eating someone's arm and you were sent to one of those crappy prisons without Wi-Fi. And btw - I'd listen to you singing a lullaby to a daiquiri. Thanks for the hearty laugh!

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  11. You have a great blog, and I don't mind waiting for posts. Just blog when the muse hits you and enjoy your trip to the lake house.

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  12. I was worried about you. But then I sat on Patrick Dempsey's lap and drank a martini and forgot all about you until now.

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  13. 300 blogs? That you are addicted too? I have new found respect and admiration for you, er, that replaces the old respect and admiration that I had for you...that never went away... it, ah, is just new and improved!

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  14. Ah, yes, the old writer's block. I know it well. I hope you have a nice time at the lake house. If you have not the inspiration to write, I would love to hear the audio, particularly you singing a lullaby to your daiquiri! :)

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  15. Ah, yes, the old writer's block. I know it well. I hope you have a nice time at the lake house. If you have not the inspiration to write, I would love to hear the audio, particularly you singing a lullaby to your daiquiri! :)

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  16. fuck. if nothing else, just post a picture! i was fretting last night wondering IF YOU WERE STILL ALIVE! and at least you are. thank the goddess. lol

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  17. did you say daiquiri? take me with you!!!!!!!!!!!

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  18. George Clooney has specific instructions to not drink from my bra cup, as this will subject him to saggy boobs...did he take pictures of me while I was passed out again? I'm going to kill him!

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  19. It was actually Tobey Maguire and a bottle of Corona. But close enough.

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  20. I'll tell you what, you promise to send me an email of which salad bar to avoid and I will keep reading. Even if it is a zillion years after your last post. In fact I had planned on emailing you today to see if the alians had abducted you or something. Glad they didn't.

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  21. First of PLEASE. You had 67 comments on your last post! 6-7!!! If anybody is getting a book deal, laying on George Clooney's lap and drinking anything out of an undergarment it would be YOU! :)

    Secondly, hahaha. I do the same thing. It's like the blog is my real life and everything else is just "virtual". It's a sickness I tell you. A true blue sickness. We need help. Pass me the mouse and my arm brace for my sore wrist! :)

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  22. Great to see your post. I kept checking and checking and checking... Always funny.

    And you letting life get in the way of blogging? As one of your readers I feel like whining, but as a mom I know that's the way it should be. Crap.

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  23. Ohhhh. I want to hear the lulaby to your drinkie! PLLEEAAASSSEEE?

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  24. as it happens i have signed a rather impressive book deal. it's with Imaginary Press. heard of it? they are giving me a five trillion dollar advance on royaties as the book is expected to outsell The Bible.

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  25. So it was you peeking in my windows while Georgie was face first in my perky bosom.

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  26. Loved this post!

    As I am addicted to Tivo, I often want to pause and rewind conversations when I put my foot in my mouth, which by the way happens often. I'm just waiting for someone to find a way to do this.

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  27. I blame summer. And the kids.

    Shit, I'll even blame it on the rain.

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  28. Life as a blogger can certainly be a stressful one. Just know that you are amongst a forgiving group of peers. We'll only get all righteously indignant on you when you don't post the picture of Jimmy Hoffa at the end of your fishing line.

    Now go enjoy some summer!

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  29. Me and George? On his what? Omg you just lost me to fantasy. Be back later....

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  30. "How many hits has my life gotten today?"

    I feel this post. I feel this so much.

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  31. That worry about missing something in the 300 daily reads? YES.

    And dude? I was composing a blog post about fainting *mid-faint.* Effed-up.

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  32. I'm in the same funk....just in time for BlogHer. Now really no one will know who I am :) Oh well, I will still enjoy a weekend to myself reading People.

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  33. i think everyone is going through the same thing at the same time....

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  34. stop looking through my personal photo album... those photos of me and george are private, sister! ;-)

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  35. It's the DIET! It's stealing your creativity!!! =oP

    Eat Chocolate, you'll feel better, and write more!

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  36. "shots of you laying on George Clooney's lap while he drinks Cristal out of your bra cup."

    Yeah, How I Only WISH. But I think we all know you have a much better shot at that then most of us. (lest you think I blow sunshine up your bum, that wasn't a tip to your talent, it's a little thing called "geography"). Ha. (but tell him Jen says "CALL ME!" anyway. (I'm in the book)

    Maybe the diet is taking away inspiration in those pounds and inches? Now THAT'S something to chew on...

    Have fun with the family this weekend. Tho I hope to get an audio post of you singing a lullaby to your daiquiri.

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  37. Have fun! Everyone gets in those ruts. I just hope what gets you ut of yours isn't food poisoning like it was for me. ;-)

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  38. That's multi-BILLION dollar book deal. Don't insult us.

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  39. I'm sorry, you said something about not being around to post? I was too busy thinking of me and George and my bra and Cristal.

    Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.....

    Okay, I'm done. Don't leave for so long again, lady. I missed you.

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  40. If you're taking votes, I'm all for the audio or video post, or whatever! I missed you even though it was actually only 12 days between posts (but who's counting?!).

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  41. Have a wonderful time away and be sure to post something about the "back to nature" experience in your outrageous fashion. I do so love to read your posts.

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  42. Oh Sweats, do I know this one...fortunately I feel like I have a lot to write about, but 14 hour work-days lately are going to have me writing it from jail, cause I'm ready to strangle many many shitheads. :o

    The spirits tell me that you'll have something to write about in the very near future...something about a lake, a friend's lake house, and your underwear being stolen by a frisky turtle. Now let's sit back and wait, shall we?

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  43. Summertime and the living is easy.
    Blog writin's waning now,
    And the laundry pile is high.
    You're such a funny gal,
    And you're kids are good'lookin'
    Hush little Mama
    Don't you sigh.

    same situation for me. Maybe when September rolls around?

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  44. I can't wait for anything that comes out of your head and onto this blog. Especially money. But that rarely happens. So, write about a tree or a really perfect piece of toast or how you may have put in too much bleach with the beach towels. Just blog my friend, bog.

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  45. I want to hear you sing a lullaby to your daiquiri. I personally sing to my beers.

    "Oh beer,
    thank you for being my beer.
    If you weren't here,
    I'd have to pull out my hair,
    because the children are screaming in my ear,
    i love my beer."

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  46. Um, what everybody else said. Except George is mine. And we were discussing the movie rights to my blog. But anyway.

    Hope your vacation is relaxing and wonderful.

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  47. Dude! Do the audio post. I'll be waiting to HEAR from you :)

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  48. I was with Ian McShane since I'm too old for Giorgio C. and I've had a mild crush on him since I was 18 ('66) and he starred in Gypsy Girl with Hayley Mills (originally released in England as Sky West and Crooked).

    Glad you're back. You didn't mention your, um, diet...did you?

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  49. Damn, Dawn took my "blame it on the rain" line. That's what I always blame my writer's block on.

    And see here I've had commenters block, hence no visits for a while -- sorry. Hope you are enjoying the peace that a bit blog reprieve brings, but don't be gone for too long! (please?!)

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  50. Okay, look...that's about ENOUGH LOUNGING SWEATS!!! You listen here Missy Sweatypants, you PUT that keyboard in your lap, clothes on or off, doesn't matter and GET TYPING! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S IN RUSSIAN! 'CAUSE I'M PSYCHO, OKAY?

    Sorry about that...someone had to write it and we all got together and decided it should be me I'll take the rap. :)

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  51. suffering from the same affliction. hmmm. audio blog. there's an idea.

    get bloggy with it, SPM. we misses you.

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  52. I, too, have the same disease. Too busy to catch up with my "reads" and yet not motivated to post but throughly addicted.

    Oh well, like our kids, maybe we should just call this a phase.

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  53. oh, BELIEVE ME, if i got to sit on george's lap i would be broadcasting it frantically and IMMEDIATELY and there'd be no way you'd miss it.

    ;)

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  54. If you don't keep writing about your life I will end up stuck in mine :-(

    ... or Kevin's

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  55. So funny! Don't worry, you'll get back in the swing of blogging.

    Soon, though, mmmkay?

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  56. Your girls, BTW, are just lovely!

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  57. I hope you're getting caught up. I'm feeling the same way with the fear that I'm going to miss something on everyone else's blogs. I hardly have time to write in my own.

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