Friday, June 09, 2006

Sweatpantsmom, Now With More Hemp.

We got back from our trip to Yosemite a couple of days ago, and I've been useless ever since. If I could sit up straight, stop drooling and string together a coherent sentence I would tell you that:

Despite what I said here, nature is swell.

And, while I'm not quite ready to trade in my cigarette jeans and boots for a pair of burlap pants and Birkenstocks, I have to admit that hiking is much better for the hiney than sitting in front of a computer attempting, and failing miserably, to string together a coherant sentence about a family vacation.

Mosquitoes, on the other hand, are pure evil.

Screw the FDA - bring back DDT. I'll bathe in it, gargle with it, inject it directly into my brain stem if it'll keep me from getting eaten alive by the little bloodsuckers.

The absence of television and telephones can lead to the serious overeating of s'mores.

The absence of television and telephones can also lead to the renewed love of ping-pong, board games and the whole concept of family time, and unfortunately, the sad realization that at some point in the not too distant future, my daughters will only come on vacation with us, their parents, out of a sense of guilt and duty and even then only after repeated threats to take away their cell phones, car keys and Starbucks cards. And then? They'll spend the entire vacation secretly phoning their boyfriends, who will then 'coincidentally' show up right before that family hayride I'd been planning all summer.

This is where we had lunch on Tuesday:


I'll post more later, about our trip, the warm fuzzy moments that made me sad, the mosquitoes, the ping-pong, the waterfalls, the s'mores and the gargantuan ants.

Oh, and don't forget to ask me about our trip home, when we were in a restaurant surrounded by big, hairy truckers and women wearing sweatshirts with American flags appliqu├ęd on them and visors that said, "I'm Too Hot For You", and Kiyomi decides to start talking, in a very loud voice, about the time she played Life with her friend Sarah and they pretended they were both gay, and Kira asks incredulously, in an even louder voice, "You mean you were lesbians?! LESBIANS?! YOU AND SARAH WERE LESBIANS?!!"

Ask me about that. In the meantime, I've got a hayride to plan.

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61 comments:

  1. Sounds like you had lots and lots of fun! Love the photo! I want to go there but I could never force or bribe my husband into a hiking trip.

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  2. Way back when I quoted your "about me statement" and I couldn't recall which blog I had read it on.

    You have a cool attitude and lovely humor.

    Take Care
    Michael

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  3. Ok, you suck. (<-- pure jealousy shining through) That photo is just beautiful!

    I am buying you a battery-operated tv and some OFF for Christmas. And watch those kids on that hayride. I remember my ~ahem~ hayride days. Think I still got the hickeys too...

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  4. See - you DID talk to each other!

    Spectacular view!

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  5. Well, they WERE too hot for you, and you know it you, "jelus bitch"

    And I tell Terrance that he is my lesbian lover all the time. Cause he is - a lesbian.

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  6. That picture is stunning. I have learned to love the outdoors for all the same reasons. Who knew that spending time alone with your kids in small spaces could be so magical.

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  7. I love Yosemite! I pretty much grew up there and lived there in the summers. My grandfather was a cook at the Awahnee Hotel and everyday we would have gourmet meals that he brought us to eat. Sigh. I miss those days. I'm glad you had a good time. I haven't been since I had my son's and we are going next summer. Finally. lol

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  8. Beautiful picture. We leave for Sedona, Arizona tomorrow. And before you get all "oh, I've heard it's beautiful there" on me, I should tell you that until a week ago, the place was burning down. And now there are dust storms in Phoenix big enough to shut down the airport ... that we are supposed to fly into!

    So. You go on vacation and eat lunch by a beautiful lake. I'm going on vacation and I'll get black lung disease. Oh well, black is the new black.

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  9. welcome back lady. and i so, like, *heart* your daughters. they crack me up:)

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  10. Ooh, ping pong and s'mores and lovely lunch views. I think I could almost, ALMOST, deal with the mosquitos for those experiences.

    Are you covered in dots of pink calamine lotion? That's a very in look right now, I'm told.

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  11. Wow it looks beautiful!
    Yea, I guess enjoy em while they are still wanting to go on vacation instead of planning a kegger while your away! LOL

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  12. Hiking contributes to a smokin' ass and thighs. Then...later on you can eat what you want. Glad you had a good vacation.

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  13. So beautiful.

    We'd only been here in CO a few months when we traveled to OH for my high school reunion and I renewed my acquaintance with mosquitoes. Bastards.

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  14. Ohhh mmmmmyyyy gaawwwwddd....
    Beautiful shot...
    But... since you mentioned the misquitoes... all i could do was hear them in my ears....and I kept trying to imagine how you kept your hand steady while holding the camera and not swatting them...
    I have to itch now...

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  15. My favorite husband-o-mine quote of ALL TIME is this:

    "If we get married, and we have children, and one of them is a girl and she grows up to be a lesbian, I WILL BE SO PSYCHED!"

    We were only dating then and I KNEW he was THE ONE. :)

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  16. yosemite is one of the most gorgeous places ever.. i wanna see more pics, but i'm glad you're home!

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  17. love the pic, totally jealous you had lunch there.
    Do you want to adopt me? I can pretend to be a loving teenage daughter...
    can't wait to hear those stories!

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  18. Beautiful pic. Take me along next time???

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  19. PING PONG! I love ping pong. We have a table in the basement and it saves us from the TV many a night.

    I'm glad you enjoyed your trip. That last post about you hating nature had me seriously worried that you might not make it back.

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  20. Oh, I'm laughing my ass off! Kids today play Life as gay?!? How...creative!

    I get eaten alive by mosquitos and am fully planning on researching if there's some supplement I can start taking to make my blood smell worse to them. I'll let you know if I ever stop reading blogs long enough to check.

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  21. It sounds like a lovely vacation. Beautiful photo. Welcome home.

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  22. Sounds like a lot of fun. Glad you had a good time. And got some Off!!

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  23. We love Yosemite and used to go there every year until the kiddo came along. It's breathtakingly beautiful. We hiked Half Dome the last time we went -- an experience of a lifetime. We hope to hike it with the boy one of these days.

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  24. Ping pong! Now there's a game of skill.

    Glad you're back...and seriously, I am LMAO at gay Life.

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  25. I'm loving the pictures. However, I'm still reeling over the fact that you wear cigarette jeans.

    *sigh* I'm so out of touch.

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  26. The photo is sublime, literally. Fucking beautiful. I'm jealous. We'll get to the mountains in August. I can't wait. (Though I share your hostility toward mosquitoes. But we have them hardcore in my Midwestern backyard, so it's no big drawback heading into the back country.)

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  27. Oh dammit, your photo made me realize that I do like Yosemite. Even if there is dirt and bugs and crap.

    Love the lesbian thing. To dam funny. I'm glad you had a good time.

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  28. you are so right... it is only a matter of time before my childern start asking if they can bring a friend on holiday... all the better for ignoring us... they're lame-o parents.

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  29. oh that photo...wow. that looks well worth it. That and "LESBIANS?! YOU AND SARAH WERE LESBIANS?!!" being screamed for the hearing impaired...
    good times...good times.

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  30. Hey - we have tv and phones, and I still pig out on the s'mores. What gives?

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  31. Welcome back! Beautiful picture. I'm sure you had lots of fuzzy moments. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Oh, warm and fuzzy. That's better.

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  32. Wow, that picture is gorgeous. I heard rumors that there was this thing called "outside" and that some people liked it. I'll have to check it out sometime.

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  33. Great lunch spot! Looking forward to hearing more about your trip :D

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  34. Yeay! You're back. SOunds like a great trip!

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  35. It sounds like you had a great time. Can't wait to hear more about your trip--especially about what went on in that restaurant. LOL

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  36. Pingpong! I miss ping-pong. Even though I try to fully enjoy nature often, I need a vacation like that. Looking forward to hearing about it!

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  37. spiders are more evil than mosquitoes.

    also, next time i go out for lunch i think i'd like to go to that spot.

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  38. Next time you're out with the mosquitos again, forego the DDT and invest in this lotion called Skin So Soft put out by Avon. For some reason, mosquitos loathe the shit. oh, and welcome back!!

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  39. Mosquitos love me. I think it's the dark skin, personally. My kids have fairer skin than I, but I still lather them up in Off! and sunscreen.

    I'm so sad to think of when my boys won't want to be with me. I'm already having withdrawl knowing that when Terry is back from Iraq, they'll want to be with him.

    Wait. On second thought, I will LOVE that for about a week, then I want them as mamma's boys again :)

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  40. Cure for mosquitoes..so you don't get bitten in the first place: PICKLE YOUR LIVER WITH RED WINE. Seriously, the only place they bit me recently, was on my eye lid (Real nasty).

    Seems that summer outdoor adventures absolutely must be done with a cooler full of wine to endure the various bloodsucking hordes.

    AND, What an incredible place... Gotta go there next!~ I'm showing the Mole this picture, for sure!

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  41. I hate mosquitos. I also hate the spray. I wear thick socks, very long pants,long sleeve shirt, and a mosquito hat if necessary. I used to birdwatch in swamps, and believe me, it was necessary. Those suckers were so fierce they ignored repellant.

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  42. Welcome back! Gorgeous picture, and now I am completely craving smores...

    Looking forward to the truck stop story, if there are more details. Or possibly pictures. ;-)

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  43. Love ping pong. Hate mosquitos. Love bikers. Hate appliqued shirts. Love lesbians.

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  44. Oh my goodness...that picture makes me want to cry. It's 7am and I'm in a windowless office with a mountain of work in front of me and you're in paradise with a couple of psuedolesbians.

    I'm so grumpy.

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  45. The photo is gorgeous - even if there were gargantuan ants, WOW!!

    Can't wait to hear the rest of the story...

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  46. I hate being part of the food chain as well. Mosquitos suck. Literally.

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  47. I'll take the killer ants and mosquitoes to be wherever that photo was taken.

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  48. One time, in a redneck bar, while attempting to order Red Dog beer, I ordered a 'Red Neck'. While I blushed until my head exploded, the reaction varied from slightly offended looks to guys yellin' "I got a redneck for ya".

    One of my finest moments. Really.

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  49. 'tis true...take away all the technology and the possibility of quality family time does exist.

    I actually remember it when I was a surly 14 yr old. We would go to the Keys and there was NO cable TV or really much to do once the sun started to set so it was major deal family time.

    I fancied myself way too cool for all that but those are some really great memories, especially now that my dad is gone.

    And that scene photo is, well...picturesque!

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  50. How beautiful! My husband and I went to scenic Maine this weekend and soaked in a little beauty ourselves.

    I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself.

    I too hate mosquitos. I never used to kill them until I had children. There is nothing that evokes hatred in another creature as when you see it sitting on your chlld's shoulder, sucking her blood.

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  51. Sounds like a great time out, that picture is awesome.

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  52. Can't wait to hear more about the trip, SPM. Sounds great. The photo is beautiful. The scenery looks ideal. Did they have wi-fi there?

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  53. I wish I could string sentences as good as yours. Love the writing, the fun.

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  54. How lovely! (not the mosquito bits- the other bits). I can't wait till my little man is old enough to go on a family trip like this. Cant wait for more!

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  55. Buzz I think I hear a mosquito right now. I love the great outdoors--especially Yosemite.
    You can keep the hairy truckers and their women too.

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  56. sigh. my husband and daughter brought a variation of this same picture home a few weeks ago. we were all suposed to go but little man decided that a weekend in the peds ward of the local hospital would be WAY more fun.

    It's beautiful- glad you had fun!

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  57. holy crap. that's some serious lunchside viewage. lucky bitch.

    and omg you seriously should have warned me before that daughter/boyfriend/hayride rant. i died. i'm dead now.

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  58. Welcome back! We're about to go to Glacier Nat'l Park - I am now glad that we bought the bug repellant in the big big size.

    Thanks for that picture - gives me a lot to look forward to!

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  59. Can't wait to hear all the stories. Count me among the envious. :)

    And how awesome is your daughter? lol

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  60. So THAT explains the horrendous state of my heiny these days. I've been wondering about that.

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  61. You know, A) I'm not on your blogroll, but whatever bitch. I totally relate and I just grabbed my husband by the balls and said "we have to go to Big Sur and just chill" I explained to him that we could take our baby to Nepenthe and have a great time. But we've been drinking rum and diet coke (so LA) so we'll see if it still seems like a good idea tomorrow.

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