Thursday, February 15, 2007

Parents, Lock Up Your Sons.

When I picked the girls up from school yesterday they were filled with Valentine's Day stories, all of them disturbingly centered around the opposite sex. Kira was lamenting the unwanted attention she is getting from boys in her class, and the rumor that she likes a certain one in her group, a rumor started by another boy who supposedly has a crush on her. Being Valentine's Day the teasing had escalated, and after one too many comments from some of the other kids she'd had enough and went to the teacher to tell him what was going on, after which he gave a stern lecture to the entire class about the consequences of gossip. Kira said she doubted that any of it mattered to either of the boys in question, as she was staring at them during the entire lecture and they appeared completely unfazed, busily playing with their ears and trying to cross their eyes. I told her to get used to it, that this is what it looks like when men are trying hard to concentrate. I was proud of her for speaking up and I told her so - my own little Norma Rae.

If only these little Lotharios knew that they'd better line up some backstage passes if they're going to have a chance with Kira. Because aside from the fact that she's already told them she is, "omigod ewww way too young too think about boys" she recently told me that although she has decided not to get married, she will definitely have a boyfriend when she's older, specifically one that works at the Key Club. She said she had a dream about it, and that she remembers this person giving her a tour backstage and then introducing her to the lead singer of Green Day after which she spent the rest of the night hanging out with the members of The Fray. As she was telling this story I saw the veins starting to bulge in Rigel's neck and I swear I heard the sound of a shotgun loading.

Then there's Kiyomi, who had her own Valentine's Day drama. There are two little boys, first graders who seem to have developed an obsession with her and according to her, spend their entire recess time following her around and then ducking behind trees when she turns to confront them. Once again I had to bring up the fact that this is normal male behavior, that eventually those boys will grow up to become men and instead of hiding behind trees? They'll hide behind their latest issue of Bass Player magazine when they see you coming.

In fact, one of these boys was suspended for a day last fall for making a crude comment to Kiyomi. When the incident happened it made her so upset she started to cry, and all of her girlfriends stopped what they were doing, made a circle around her and herded her into the girls bathroom. Then they sent the biggest girl in their group, 4'10" Janie, out to confront him where she grabbed him by the coat sleeve, dragged him to a teacher and made him confess what he had done. That's right - hell hath no fury like a band of eight-year-old girls forced to put down their jumpropes.

Kiyomi told me that at recess yesterday these same two boys approached her and one of them, pointing to the other, said, "He wants you to be his Valentine." A scuffle broke out as each of them tried to push the other towards her to profess his love, and after a few minutes of this she finally hissed, "Go away. I SAID GO AWAY." She said they both looked at her with what she described as a "Huh?" look on their faces and then both shuffled away silently, their heads hanging down in defeat. She was surprised that they went away so quickly, but I told her that hopefully this would be the end of them bothering her, that maybe they finally got the message to leave her alone. She thought about it for a moment and then said, with an unmistakable touch of disappointment in her voice:

"Yes, but I didn't realize love could die so easily."

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38 comments:

  1. Sounds like you have yourself some little heartbreakers there. So far, I haven't had that problem here in my house. But with a 15yr old son, I am sure it isn't too far off.

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  2. Kiyomi is toooo funny.

    Your liquer cabinet is fully stocked 'for medicinal purposes only', right?

    'cause I've got the feeling you'll be needing a lot of medicine on down the road!
    LOL

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  3. Kiyomi is toooo funny.

    Your liquer cabinet is fully stocked 'for medicinal purposes only', right?

    'cause I've got the feeling you'll be needing a lot of medicine on down the road!
    LOL

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  4. I am still living happily in denial that my girls will ever face the pains and troubles of dating. Shh. Don't disillusion me. Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it.

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  5. See? Rigel won't need the shotgun. The girls will be able to slay anyone who tries anything with their very words.

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  6. With our Okapis, I can easily see my boy being awkward and uncomfortable with women because he'll get overwhelmed with how much he feels for them, while my little girl will be trailed by dozens of boys who want to speak to her but afraid she might hit them.

    Reading your story helps me realize I can wait for this phase to start.

    I could wait at least 10 years, I think.

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  7. "love could die so easily"... PRICELESS!

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  8. I think Kiyomi has saved herself some (SOME) grief learning this lesson young...

    How strange to look at love from the outside as we're doing/going to do with our kids...

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  9. NorCal Sistah2/16/2007 9:36 AM

    As if I couldn't love my nieces anymore than I already do -- that made me love them even more! They make me so proud! Don't mess with my girls! (is that too many "!" points or maybe not enough!)

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  10. "That's right - hell hath no fury like a band of eight-year-old girls forced to put down their jumpropes." That should be emblazoned on a t-shirt.

    and a "shout out" (do they still say that?) to Janie. grabbing him by the sleeve and dragging him to the teach? tremendous.

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  11. You're girls are so punk rock, I love it! Why do I get the feeling that they'll breaking many hearts along the way?

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  12. Repeat after me... "Boys have nasty cooties that you can catch and they pick their noses and eat it!"

    So far it is working with my two daughters. Feel free to use it.

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  13. Hell hath no fury indeed. Your kids sound adorable.

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  14. Can I borrow your daughters? I could use some coaching in the romance department and they seem to have it all down.

    Girl power!

    -shelly

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  15. "That's right - hell hath no fury like a band of eight-year-old girls forced to put down their jumpropes."

    I have a new respect for 8 year old girls everywhere. And also a little healthy fear.

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  16. I read this twice -- the whole time thinking "oh God. OH GOD. This is what's coming."

    At least they're level-headed young ladies.

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  17. "Yes, but I didn't realize love could die so easily."

    We all feel the same way, sister.

    -annie

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  18. oh the drama. when i was 11, i twisted my "boyfriend's" swatch watch and threw it at him on the playground because i found out he was holding hands with another girl.

    scayndaliss!

    yep, mamma didn't take no mess, even in 5th grade.

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  19. HA! Oh Kiyomi...welcome to the club, sister.

    Pants, can't we just lock them up until they're 30?

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  20. They sound like they've got great heads on their shoulders.

    ...and you're FREAKING ME OUT with all this "boy" talk. I already give the little three year old boys the "stare down" as I wave my large cleaver in the air whenever they're caught looking at my two year old daughter too long.

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  21. This has had me laughing aloud. I am learning so much from your kids I feel they should be charging me tuition.

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  22. I'm just cracking up at the image of the "big" girl strongarming the little ____ like that. go big girl!

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  23. Talk about Girl Power! Your girls seem to have everything under control.

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  24. Beautiful funny AND self-assured? What boy wouldn't love them?

    Hey, at least Kira didn't say she actually wanted to date one of the guys IN Greenday.

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  25. There are worse bands to be associated with. Green Day and The Fray don't seem particularly skeevy. Now if Kira had had a dream involving Fred Durst, I think that shotgun would come in handy.

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  26. This is what I have to look forward to? (shudders)

    Perhaps I need to employ your girls to come teach mine the ropes. They sound like they have good heads on their shoulders.

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  27. This post made my week. Nay, my life.

    I don't even have words for it.

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  28. AdventureDad2/20/2007 7:45 AM

    I know I will thank God for all those hours I spent at the gym when my daughter becomes a teenager and I will need to "guard" her against all those boys...

    Will your daughter be available for "boy advice" in 10+ years? Of course for a substantial fee

    Ad

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  29. Your gorgeous girls will forever have to use the "go away" line. Rigels' shotgun will come in handy the day the girls start saying "come back" and daddy says "go away".

    Happy Valentines Day.

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  30. Ohmygod. I've got this coming, don't I? Oy.

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  31. I adore Kiyomi's last line...ah, young love.

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  32. The young are so wise about love. Shame that it's fleeting.

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  33. All girls need a friend like Janie...

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  34. Oh the things I have to look foward to! They seem so young! My hair would be sticking up my neck too, but it is too funny! i can only imagine how my husband would have handled that dream! Your girls seem like so much fun!

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  35. That last line is great!

    I am not looking forward to those years.

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  36. How is it that we are uncool due to age and yet your kids and others love Green Day whose members are older than me?

    It's good that your girls have girls who have their back.

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  37. I loved the part about the friends making a circle around your daughter and herding her into the nearest bathroom - man! A girl's gotta keep a group of friends like that - how awesome.
    I am new to North America and the whole Valentines thing does my head in. Sounds like the Elementary school Valentines thing escalates to a whole different level, after the inclusive and friendly pre-school version. I shudder at the thought...

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  38. HA HA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!

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