Parents, Lock Up Your Sons.

When I picked the girls up from school yesterday they were filled with Valentine's Day stories, all of them disturbingly centered around the opposite sex. Kira was lamenting the unwanted attention she is getting from boys in her class, and the rumor that she likes a certain one in her group, a rumor started by another boy who supposedly has a crush on her. Being Valentine's Day the teasing had escalated, and after one too many comments from some of the other kids she'd had enough and went to the teacher to tell him what was going on, after which he gave a stern lecture to the entire class about the consequences of gossip. Kira said she doubted that any of it mattered to either of the boys in question, as she was staring at them during the entire lecture and they appeared completely unfazed, busily playing with their ears and trying to cross their eyes. I told her to get used to it, that this is what it looks like when men are trying hard to concentrate. I was proud of her for speaking up and I told her so - my own little Norma Rae.

If only these little Lotharios knew that they'd better line up some backstage passes if they're going to have a chance with Kira. Because aside from the fact that she's already told them she is, "omigod ewww way too young too think about boys" she recently told me that although she has decided not to get married, she will definitely have a boyfriend when she's older, specifically one that works at the Key Club. She said she had a dream about it, and that she remembers this person giving her a tour backstage and then introducing her to the lead singer of Green Day after which she spent the rest of the night hanging out with the members of The Fray. As she was telling this story I saw the veins starting to bulge in Rigel's neck and I swear I heard the sound of a shotgun loading.

Then there's Kiyomi, who had her own Valentine's Day drama. There are two little boys, first graders who seem to have developed an obsession with her and according to her, spend their entire recess time following her around and then ducking behind trees when she turns to confront them. Once again I had to bring up the fact that this is normal male behavior, that eventually those boys will grow up to become men and instead of hiding behind trees? They'll hide behind their latest issue of Bass Player magazine when they see you coming.

In fact, one of these boys was suspended for a day last fall for making a crude comment to Kiyomi. When the incident happened it made her so upset she started to cry, and all of her girlfriends stopped what they were doing, made a circle around her and herded her into the girls bathroom. Then they sent the biggest girl in their group, 4'10" Janie, out to confront him where she grabbed him by the coat sleeve, dragged him to a teacher and made him confess what he had done. That's right - hell hath no fury like a band of eight-year-old girls forced to put down their jumpropes.

Kiyomi told me that at recess yesterday these same two boys approached her and one of them, pointing to the other, said, "He wants you to be his Valentine." A scuffle broke out as each of them tried to push the other towards her to profess his love, and after a few minutes of this she finally hissed, "Go away. I SAID GO AWAY." She said they both looked at her with what she described as a "Huh?" look on their faces and then both shuffled away silently, their heads hanging down in defeat. She was surprised that they went away so quickly, but I told her that hopefully this would be the end of them bothering her, that maybe they finally got the message to leave her alone. She thought about it for a moment and then said, with an unmistakable touch of disappointment in her voice:

"Yes, but I didn't realize love could die so easily."

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