The "You Might Cross The Street When You See Me Now" Meme.

This is my first meme. I've been tagged before, but unfortunately have failed to carry out my meme-ing duties in a timely fashion. Please don't take it personally. I have a problem - I am one seriously lame-ass meme-er. Part of the reason? I'm hopelessly bad at lists. For instance, my grocery list? It goes something like this:

milk
bread (w)
apples
w = ??
eggs
nails
sweeping
cats

See what I mean? But today I'm going to give this meme-ing thing a try. Be gentle. No heckling. No flash photography. Save your applause for the end. And don't say you'll call if you don't mean it.

'The Six Weird/Interesting Things You Don't Know About Me' meme (tagged by Elizabeth , Mom-101, and Reluctant Housewife.)

1. I am a hardcore carnivore. I love steak with an unnatural zeal. And bacon. And pork chops. Oh, and pork chops wrapped in bacon. Truth be told, I'd probably eat a panda if it were grilled and served with a nice garlic butter.

2. I sleep like a dead person. 'Heavily' and 'soundly' are putting it mildly. When our girls come into our room in the middle of the night, they ask for Daddy, not Mommy. If the curtains were on fire and they waited for Mommy to wake up, the entire city would be engulfed in flames before Mommy had even begun to wipe the drool from her mouth.

3. I started my own business when I was 22. I was working as a freelance designer at NBC. I heard their news department was looking for help producing some ads, so I grabbed my portfolio and headed over on my lunch break. When I got there, it was apparent that they were looking for an ad agency, not a lone designer dressed in Doc Martens and a vinyl mini. After a brief meeting with the creative director, he told me to come back the next day to pick up a week's worth of ads. It was my first account. Three weeks later I had my own studio and two employees. I've been on my own ever since.

4. Johnny Depp gives me the creeps. Seriously makes my skin crawl. I know I'm alone on this one - I bring it up at dinner parties and all the women fall silent. It appears that most of the female population have him on their 'Must Do' list but really, what I'd like to 'do' is slap him, give him a shower and tell him to stop dressing like a color-blind gypsy. I would definitely turn him away at the door. Unless of course he came bearing a platter of steaks.

5. I have amazing parking karma. All I know is, if I'm in the car, you're getting a spot right up front. People always doubt me, but only until that space opens up three feet away from the door. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this, but it may have to do with the time I let the PopeMobile cut in front of me in the Krispy Kreme parking lot.

6. I've been hit in the head with a polo ball. A vendor offered a co-worker and I free tickets to opening night of the polo season. Although neither of us knew a thing about polo, we were enticed by the promise of two free drinks and unlimited hot dogs. Turns out our 'free seats' were actually in an executive box, and we quickly made friends with the lovely, rich, people around us. Halfway through the match I looked up from my fifth kraut-dog to see the ball coming directly towards me. It hit me in the forehead, and as the entire stadium went quiet and every head turned towards me I remember thinking , "I hope I die so I don't have to face any of these people again." The paramedics checked me out, the game resumed and the nice people next to us (who, it turned out, were the head of the polo association and his wife) felt so guilty that they invited us to the gala afterwards. I guess you could say I'm lucky.

So, there you have it. Go ahead and laugh, judge, ridicule. I can take it. Just remember - I can get you a good parking spot.

(By the way, I'm tagging Jen, Jess, Mary, Wendy, Contrary and Tracey.)

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