Monday, April 17, 2006

The "You Might Cross The Street When You See Me Now" Meme.

This is my first meme. I've been tagged before, but unfortunately have failed to carry out my meme-ing duties in a timely fashion. Please don't take it personally. I have a problem - I am one seriously lame-ass meme-er. Part of the reason? I'm hopelessly bad at lists. For instance, my grocery list? It goes something like this:

milk
bread (w)
apples
w = ??
eggs
nails
sweeping
cats

See what I mean? But today I'm going to give this meme-ing thing a try. Be gentle. No heckling. No flash photography. Save your applause for the end. And don't say you'll call if you don't mean it.

'The Six Weird/Interesting Things You Don't Know About Me' meme (tagged by Elizabeth , Mom-101, and Reluctant Housewife.)

1. I am a hardcore carnivore. I love steak with an unnatural zeal. And bacon. And pork chops. Oh, and pork chops wrapped in bacon. Truth be told, I'd probably eat a panda if it were grilled and served with a nice garlic butter.

2. I sleep like a dead person. 'Heavily' and 'soundly' are putting it mildly. When our girls come into our room in the middle of the night, they ask for Daddy, not Mommy. If the curtains were on fire and they waited for Mommy to wake up, the entire city would be engulfed in flames before Mommy had even begun to wipe the drool from her mouth.

3. I started my own business when I was 22. I was working as a freelance designer at NBC. I heard their news department was looking for help producing some ads, so I grabbed my portfolio and headed over on my lunch break. When I got there, it was apparent that they were looking for an ad agency, not a lone designer dressed in Doc Martens and a vinyl mini. After a brief meeting with the creative director, he told me to come back the next day to pick up a week's worth of ads. It was my first account. Three weeks later I had my own studio and two employees. I've been on my own ever since.

4. Johnny Depp gives me the creeps. Seriously makes my skin crawl. I know I'm alone on this one - I bring it up at dinner parties and all the women fall silent. It appears that most of the female population have him on their 'Must Do' list but really, what I'd like to 'do' is slap him, give him a shower and tell him to stop dressing like a color-blind gypsy. I would definitely turn him away at the door. Unless of course he came bearing a platter of steaks.

5. I have amazing parking karma. All I know is, if I'm in the car, you're getting a spot right up front. People always doubt me, but only until that space opens up three feet away from the door. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this, but it may have to do with the time I let the PopeMobile cut in front of me in the Krispy Kreme parking lot.

6. I've been hit in the head with a polo ball. A vendor offered a co-worker and I free tickets to opening night of the polo season. Although neither of us knew a thing about polo, we were enticed by the promise of two free drinks and unlimited hot dogs. Turns out our 'free seats' were actually in an executive box, and we quickly made friends with the lovely, rich, people around us. Halfway through the match I looked up from my fifth kraut-dog to see the ball coming directly towards me. It hit me in the forehead, and as the entire stadium went quiet and every head turned towards me I remember thinking , "I hope I die so I don't have to face any of these people again." The paramedics checked me out, the game resumed and the nice people next to us (who, it turned out, were the head of the polo association and his wife) felt so guilty that they invited us to the gala afterwards. I guess you could say I'm lucky.

So, there you have it. Go ahead and laugh, judge, ridicule. I can take it. Just remember - I can get you a good parking spot.

(By the way, I'm tagging Jen, Jess, Mary, Wendy, Contrary and Tracey.)

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62 comments:

  1. When you left a comment on my blog telling me that you'd tagged me, I prayed it was the '6 Weird things' meme.

    Okay, to say that I 'prayed' might be overstating the case, as God might have a teensy bit more to do than assure I get tagged with a specific meme.

    This is going to be difficult as I am so normal as to be boring and nothing weird ever happens to me. (Whoo, I couldn't even type that with a straight face)

    I'll get right on that after work! (maybe one of my 6 things could be how excited I am to have been tagged in the first placed)

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  2. That's a great story about how you started your own business. You must have impressed the socks off those people.

    I am so, so glad to meet another anti-Johnny Depp person. I shudder all the way through his movies. He totally skeeves me out. So you are not alone in the world!!!

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  3. I can see where you're coming from with Johnny Depp. While I think he can be a brilliant actor sometimes, I'd much rather bathe him than screw him.

    Great list!

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  4. All I can say - other than the list is hilarious - is that you have an excuse for everything.

    "Oh, I'm sorry I forgot my appt. I was hit with a polo ball."

    Awesome. Can I use it?

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  5. You and my mom with the parking karma! Seriously, she drives around the block muttering, "thank you angels for this parking space" (yes, she has parking angels. And hello, we're Jewish) and one magically appears right in front of wherever we're going.

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  6. I am glad there are other not-in-love-with-Johnny-Deppers out there! I don't think he's hot or ugly...just not my cup of tea.

    Also, that's awesome about starting your own business! I LOVE working for myself. I can't imagine working for other people. I was 20 when I started contracting, and I haven't looked back!

    First time reader of your blog too! Love it so far!

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  7. I'm joining your carnivores club. (Hmmmmm-steak bacon and pork chops...drool!)
    Not a big fan of Johnny Depp, he's kinda- I don't know. Let's just thank goodness for makeup and hair stylists that make him pretty for movies.
    Love your list.

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  8. First of all, your shopping list looks exactly like one my MIL would write.

    I fully understand the Depp repulsion. I am skeeved and attracted to him in equal proportions. It is weird actually. If he showed up on my doorstep I would probably slam the door in his grungy face and then stare out the window drooling.

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  9. I knew you'd have 6 great things to tell. I busted out laughing at "I'd probably eat a panda..."!

    Hot dogs at a polo match, bathing Johnny Depp, the Popemobile. Not weird, it's interesting and hilarious!

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  10. fo reals? how can I compete with polo ball incident and working for NBC at age 22 (and do you know the cast of Friends? Did you party with them? what are they like?)

    "hardcore carnivore" sounds like something ripped from gangsta rap. Atleast you aren't "hardcore carni". Then I would definitely be crossing the street if I saw you.

    Speaking of meat people, have you seen the recent string of Outback Steakhouse commercials featuring New Zealander dude from Flight of the Conchords (these dudes are brilliant and you must download their HBO special -the Hiphopapotomus vs. Ryhmeocerous rap? MVP). Anyway, in one commercial he's saying he's a vegetarian and then pauses..."except for chicken...and steak....and pork...yeah, except for that." That commercial speaks to me.

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  11. Dude...I am ALL about the bacon. Viva le bacon!

    Your Johnny Depp comments cracked me up (although I do think he's hottish). Color blind gypsy...rofl

    High fives to you for starting your own company. I worked for myself as a designer and decided I needed a buffer between myself and my whiny, annoying clients of exceedingly bad taste, lest I bludgeon with a Wacom tablet.

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  12. I dropped this...

    "THEM"

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  13. you see, i *knew* there was a reason LARD picqued your interest. yes. am a big fan of meats myself. have shitty parking karma tho.'

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  14. MMMM, pork chops wrapped in bacon. SOund tasty to me. I love meat.

    I'm not into Johnny Depp either. But you can't tell my mom, cause she argue with me forever how hot he is. I find him kind of scary.

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  15. I could eat steak every day. Mmmmm. Bloody as hell.

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  16. Thanks for the tag, Ma'am. I loved your entries, by the way. I was the spectacle at a professional soccer game so I especially loved your polo ball story.

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  17. I'm with you on the carnivore issue - love me some meat! oh and as for johhny depp, i have a love/hate relationship with him. I loved him from his 21 Jump Street days, but i'm not digging his current look.

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  18. Forget the fact that I've never seen you, but I'd NEVER cross the street when seeing you... unless, of course, I was lucky enough to be in Johnny Depp's company. If creeps means "tingling sensation," then yes, Johnny Depp definitely gives me the creeps, too. ;)

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  19. My friends just came back from Peru, with lots of pics. In one of them, it showed a kitchen with lots of guinea pigs running around. I said "Aww...they are so cute.." My friend said,"The Himalayan people allow their dinner to roam around before they cook and it eat." You wouldn't go that far, would you? BTW: for the record, I LOOOVVVEEEE meat!

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  20. Hey, I was once hit on the head with a softball! Only I was playing in right field at the time. I simply found it physically impossible to lift my glove up to interfere with the trajectory of the ball, and then it was too late.

    I'm with you on Johnny Depp. Ever since seeing Charlie & the Chocolate Factory redux, he's given me the creepos.

    Also, thanks for the tag. I just did mine. :)

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  21. I am in awe of you starting your own business at 22 and pairing doc martens with a vinyl mini. Talk about a dichotomy.

    So with you on the Johnnie Depp skiviness quotient.

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  22. Mmmm, panda. Mmmm, garlic butter. Only YOU could make it sound so good!

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  23. Ditto on the carnivore issue. baby seals? Bring 'em on, though I used to be a vegetarian ...

    So, can you come with me on all my shopping excursions between now and when the baby is born, cuz I need me some of that parking karma.

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  24. AH! i've been tagged for the same thing. although it was about 5 days ago, and i am just now figurin' out what the hell a meme is. it might be a while...

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  25. Oh geez, I too have excellent parking karma which I have inherited supernaturally from my dead ex-husband. Good parking spots in our family are designated as "XYZ spots" (fill in our last name which I do not divulge over the internet). I also think Johnny Depp is gross. I knew I liked you.

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  26. Wow, you have opened up the floodgates for women who think Johnny Depp is gross. I'm with ya'll on that.

    How cool about starting your own business at such a young age!

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  27. I did it!.

    Although I think I will live to regret doing this meme.

    Also, you can kick Johnny Depp my way. I'm a sucker for guys in eyeliner and kerchiefs.

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  28. Okay, I am so in awe of numero 3. You are a BAD ASS. Wow, majorly impressive. I have to laugh at #4 cause I think Johnny is H-O-T. Yum, yum, gimme some. And my sister has the same parking luck. She calls it "St. Parkus". You know, like, "Okay St. Parkus, don't let me down. I really need a good spot downtown tonight." and BOOM, there's a spot right up front.

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  29. Ever since Johnny Depp was Edward Scissorhands, he's been forever typecast in my mind as a freakish Tim Burton character. Your entrepreneur story has wowed me! And I wish I had some of your sleeping genes. I'm a very light sleeper. Pass the Unisom.

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  30. Loved the panda line.

    And Depp doesn't make my All Time Creepy list because I always feel like he does it deliberately, trying to be an anti-sex symbol.
    For my vote, creepiest Hollywood type is definitely Colin Farrell. I expect him to leave a slime trail.

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  31. I can't wait to hang with you this summer. Maybe we could drive somewhere just for the hell of it!

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  32. I swear, when I read MY name on your tagged list I gasped! I feel as if I've just been crowned a princess of the blog court. Oh great, now what I am gonna say about myself? Gulp.
    And hey, if we ever get to travel together (which I so hope we do) if you find the parking spot, I can parallel park like a MoFo!
    And mom-101, my grandma shares your mom's parking angels. Everytime she finds a spot she says, "Thank you Lord." No kiddin'.

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  33. Ha, I don't see what the big deal with Johnny Depp is either! I don't think he's even remotely hot.

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  34. Blogger was being gay yesterday morning and it wouldn't let me post a comment. (I call everything "gay.") So I just wanted to let you know that:

    I loves me some Johnny Depp so much so that after I recently rewatched "Finding Neverland," I looked him up on the internet to see if he was married or had kids because I wanted to volunteer for those duties.

    The panda with garlic butter was HILARIOUS and I love that you started your own business (I am in awe). I can't tell you how much I enjoy your site design and how badly I want to copy it (with every inch of my being.) (But that would be jerkish of me, so I need to come up with my own creative ideas. Darn.)

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  35. Can we wrap the panda in bacon before we grill it? Mmmm, tasty! I'm glad to see there are people out there who feel no shame in admitting that they love meat.

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  36. That is very cool that you started your own business at 22. Very rare to find someone so ballsy at such a young age.

    At 22 I was getting drunk 4 nights a week and serving breadsticks at the Olive Garden. So Reeespect!

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  37. Totally agree about J. Depp. In the chocolate factory flick, he looked like Thelma from Scooby Doo.

    -Beast Mom

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  38. I jsut finished this tag.

    tu madre is muy hermoso.

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  39. i'm a fellow "i've gots to have me some meat" eater too. not being able to eat meat on fridays during lent sucked! so, i cheated....

    as for starting your business, that's wonderful! i simply did nothing with my graphic design degree other than sell drugs to people....

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  40. "Truth be told, I'd probably eat a panda if it were grilled and served with a nice garlic butter." You rock! If you ever try it, tell me how the Panda tastes. ;)

    "Three weeks later I had my own studio and two employees." I am simultaneously proud and jealous. I love memes, and you do them well.

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  41. Actually, Johnny Depp has always creeped me out, too. Maybe it's b/c I first came across him in John Waters's movie Crybaby, where he plays the disconcerting title character. A number of the teenage girls at the school where I teach have him plastered all over their lockers, and while I admit that in some shots he's pretty easy on the eyes, I've never found him remotely appealing.

    I liked him a bit better after I read his interview in Rolling Stone and found out his politics mesh well with my own. (For me, a man with progressive political values is kinda like a big juicy steak.) I still wouldn't do him, though.

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  42. I'm with you on the carnivore thing. Love meat. Love it! I don't have good parking karma and I do love Johnny Depp...but I like him best as Captain Jack Sparrow.

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  43. I'm with you on the Johnny Depp thing! I thought I was alone on that!!

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  44. I prefer the meat of a bald eagle hatchling, grilled with the tongues of spotted owls.

    Mmmmmmm

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  45. Loved your meme thing...made me laugh plus left me impressed with your grit...especially considering your gravestone almost read, "While not a lover of mounted sports, a polo ball found her."

    I think the Johnny Depp repulsion/fascination is somewhat similar to the Pete Dougherty thing. Weirdness and mystery are attractive to some and just plain creepy to others.

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  46. That was a great meme. Johnny Depp really does need a shower. You're right about that one. Though I secretedly did have a crush on him when he was on 21 Jump Street.

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  47. I did mine. Thanks for the tag. That was a hoot.

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  48. thanks for the comment...and the rec to your friend. i'll be dropping in again and i'm looking forward to reading more. byw, finally did the meme, the blog world can now rest. ;)

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  49. I'm having some difficulty imagining a TV exec *not* looking for a woman in a vinyl mini. I am also now finding it impossible to get he thought of vinyl sweatpants out of my mind. Eek

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  50. He creeped me out in Edward Scissorhands. But otherwise I have liked him.

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  51. Johnny Depp is SCRUMPTIOUS in a dirty, construction worker kind of way.

    I think it's really cool that you can get front parks so easy but I usually just go ahead and use one of the four hundred Handicapped spaces and get out of my car and limp.

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  52. Parking karma? It is much more than that. It is the prayers of your forefathers that protect you and provide you with great parking spaces. I recall the early days of driving and a feisty girl in a fiat, honking her horn at drivers convincing them to hurry out of their parking spaces. So, you see, it is the duty of your ancestors, angels, and saints that are watching over you, because that technique would get you killed today. Great parking spaces ensure your safety and the safety of your children, cuz folks today just don't like people honking at them. As for Johnny Depp, maybe you should just add him on your list of meats to eat. Maybe then you'll LIKE him. Just remember to wash your hands with soap and warm water, just like you do when handling any meat.

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  53. 52 comments huh? What's your problem can't you write something people enjoy? Sheesh.

    Freaking hilarious. I so needed to laugh today...

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  54. Oh. My. God. I thought that I was the "parking-Karma Queen." In fact, it is an ACTUAL title that I have given myself...I might have to relinquish the title to you! (Pope-mobile and all!)

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  55. dude - what are ya? Dooce?

    I said your mother is very handsome.

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  56. Wow! I'm feeling very fly-on-the-wall-ish. Thanks for sharing all that. I just have one question. Was the Pope actually going to the donut shop?

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  57. I completely agree with # 4. Ewww

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  58. My sister-in-law has the greatest parking kharma, too. I'm happy to say she only uses her power for good.

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  59. Whoa, ladies - what's with all the hatin'?

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  60. MMM grilled pan-diddly-ishous, garlic butter makes anything platable. I think i might eat llama lips so long as they were served with garlic butter

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  61. Very cool meme! I'm not usually a big meme-y typa gal but I like this one :D.

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  62. Amen. I'm so glad that someone agrees with me about Johnny Depp. Ew. Just another skinny, dirty pale guy. Did you see him in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Me neither. I just couldn't get past the creepy smile in the previews.

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