Monday, April 10, 2006

I Like To Move It, Move It.

Every few years or so I get this crazy, cockamamie idea that perhaps exercise might be a good thing for my body. There I'll be, all set to schedule my tapeworm-implant surgery, and a little voice inside my head will say, "What about a walk around the block instead?" This epiphany is usually followed by the purchase of a pair of overpriced running shoes and the pillaging of the Lycra section of my local Target. The last time this happened I had Kira and Kiyomi with me, the three of us crammed into one of their shoebox-sized dressing rooms, and I had to put up with all their snide comments. "You're buying exercise clothes? What for?" and "Tell us again why you need a tracksuit to watch Oprah."

This need to 'accessorize up' for any type of physical endeavor is not new to me. Before we were married Rigel and I spent a lot of time bike riding and once signed up for a three-day ride that would take us from Flagstaff, Arizona to the Grand Canyon. Besides the fact that we left Los Angeles at 2am and drove all night to get to Flagstaff for a 7am ride, Rigel's favorite part of the story is how I plunked down $500 for a brand new bike the night before we left. This was in those heady days before house payments and kids, and I felt for certain that a new bike was essential to my enjoyment of the trip, regardless of the expense. We awoke to find a huge snowstorm raging outside (this really is a story for another post) and I never got to take my new wheels for the ninety mile journey. I really liked how my new bike looked sitting up on that bike rack though, and, set off against a background of new fallen snow - it would have almost been a shame to spoil it by taking it down for a ride.

Last summer I vowed to take advantage of the beautiful park that is located only a block and half away from us - it has a jogging/biking path that meanders through trees and soccer fields, and I calculated that a couple of times around the thing would be enough to work off at least one of the slices of bacon from my breakfast. So, off I went to the store to purchase the essentials: One-strapped mini backpack to carry my keys, I.D. and water, sporty windbreaker to appear fashionable while staying warm, and new lighter headphones for my cd player. It only took me four hours to prepare for my walk, and I have to say the whole exercise thing was starting to seem like a really good idea.

Once I got home, though, I was thinking that I should have taken along a book for my midpoint break, and a granola bar would have helped - I sure worked up an appetite trying to hook up my new headphones and thread the cord through the special 'media clip' in my new backpack. Rigel said he had a great idea for my next power-walk, and went to the other room to fetch our rolling suitcase and ice-chest on wheels.

We celebrated Rigel's birthday this weekend, which I think is the main reason for my (and his) latest exercise crisis. Between Friday, when we gathered friends for martinis and appetizers, and Saturday when we met other friends for a huge meal, I estimate that the amount of food the two of us consumed would be enough to solve the food shortage in several of our local homeless shelters. Add to that the fact that we spent all day yesterday patting our stomachs and making loud barnyard noises and it all points to us needing to devise a serious exercise plan, stat. I'm off to the mall to prepare - I'll be the one in Foot Locker, buying some swanky new Nikes and scarfing down a churro.

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44 comments:

  1. Haha, I'm just picturing you power walking with an ice-chest and rolling suitcase. All that food sure sounds yummy. :-)

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  2. He he!

    I do the same thing. Spending is a great way to procrastinate.

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  3. The rolling suitcase and ice-chest on wheels -- oh geez -- I burst out laughing. I, on the other hand, am going to start walking when those orthotics of mine do their dirty work and make my 42 year old left foot stop hurting. My right foot must be younger. If you start walking now, I bet we can meet half-way. Hmmm...I wonder if my laptop will fit in your rolling suitcase. :-D

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  4. Oh, good god! I was led over to your blog by a comment you made on another (your username, sweatpantsmom, piqued my curiosity), and I find in reading your posts that you are quite well-endowed with the gift of hilarity. Good stuff! I'll be coming back for sure.

    And the fashion hype and well-intentioned start of a new exercise regimen is SO relatable to me ... me, the one who also dropped way too much cash for an overpriced bike that I've ridden three times in two years. All three times to the neighborhood grocery store and back.

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  5. Last year I ran 2 marathons in 6 months. At the end of it all I weighed exactly the same as I did when I started my training. My manboobs were undented. The more you exercise the hungrier you feel and the more justified you feel in eating.

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  6. OMG you are too funny! Thanks for stopping by my blog - I'll be back to yours!

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  7. AHAHAHAAHAHAHA. I love the buying the cute clothes and shoes part. Not so much the actual exercising. I have found the really good reading material is key.

    But, I'm too cheap to buy any so I'm stuck reading circulars (about 27) - one for every minute I'm on the damn treadmill.

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  8. "Tell us again why you need a tracksuit to watch Oprah."

    *snort*

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  9. Tee hee hee...Great post! I can relate...to the procrastination and the need to exercise--not the shopping.

    I hate shopping.

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  10. I just found your site and love it! I put your link on my page, too. Did you know you're a runner up for MOTW on Crazy-Hip-Blog Mamas? Probably, huh? Duh. Well, you got my vote if that makes your day at all! Love the blog description you gave on your profile! Soo true.

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  11. "Add to that the fact that we spent all day yesterday patting our stomachs and making loud barnyard noises" - HA! I know the feeling all too well.

    There's actually something to be said for looking your best when you exercise. I know the gals on Sex & the City made fun of women who wear makeup to the gym, and sure, that's reasonable, but if I look like crap when I've finally worked up the energy to work out and then I see buff guys eyeing me in disgust, all I want to do is run back home to hide under the covers. So, I'm definitely with you on this one, SPM!

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  12. My closet tells the same story. Oh look, there's the new tennis racquet. And there's the tennis outfits and the running shoes and the yoga pants and the biking shorts (with butt padding, of course) and the golf glove and the hiking boots and the spelunking glasses and the skydiving jacket. Well, I made those last two up. But I hear you, Sweatpantsmom and I feel your pain.

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  13. i definitely hear it too. can anyone say "ab roller" or "pilates dvd"?

    i find the trick is to buy exercise clothes that are not too shameful to wear elsewhere--boot cut stretch pants, v-neck t's, hoodies. you're stylin.

    what a comfortable way to swig martinis and let it all hang out!

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  14. To be frank, I find this post, to quote the all knowing tom cruise, a tad "glib" seeing as you have mocked just about EVERY post I have written discussing my attempts at athletics (and subsequent injury(s),DVD dismantling etc.) and/or efforts to maintain a shape that does *not* rhyme with "bapple".
    Heh.

    Now that Spring is finally started to sneak into new England, this issue has become of some concern in my little corner of the universe, too....like holy crap, I had me some fun this winter. So good luck. Oh, and at least take a pic of the "running shoes"or any athletic gear you get for I am sure they will be a tre chic and trendsetting.

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  15. You deserve an A+ for honesty... and for righteously forgoing the tapeworm-implant surgery.

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  16. I do the exact same thing. My husband is always ready to dive in to working out again and I'm always like, ". . . but I need a new pair of shoes." I find that preparing to work out mixes two of my greatest strengths- procrastination and being able to justify a purchase.

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  17. MMMMMM CHurros. Isn't walking the mall exercise? I'm pretty sure it is.

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  18. great. now i want a churro. THANKS A LOT! :)

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  19. I hear you on this one! When both my boys were in school all day, I was going to exercise! every day! and get in shape! I talked Chris into a morning mall-walk, which consisted of one lap around the mall followed by a mocha latte with whipped cream and a Cinnamon Crunch Bagel with hazelnut cream cheese at Panera.

    Needless to say, I didn't get into shape, at least not a NEW shape.

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  20. I love the Lycra section of Target. Actually, I like pretty much ALL parts of Target, except for the mechanical junk where you can buy motor oil.

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  21. yeah, I've been SAYING I'm going to start working out. Months ago my hubby laughed. I don't think he's stopped. I will work out, maybe I'll have to get one of those ice chests on wheels you have....

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  22. Hahahaha!!! I can so relate. My heart rate monitor and favorite FIRM video just died so I feel completely unable to exercise anymore. It's all about the props and gadgets for me.

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  23. We are kindred spirits. There are great exercise adventures that HAVEN'T happened because I didn't have the proper attire. I'm not sure if it comes from inside me or outside from the evil marketing world.

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  24. I have done the same thing...bought exercise clothes, joined a gym...lasted about 3 months...said clothes are collecting dust in my drawer.(sigh)

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  25. Yep, I'm with you. Got the $500 bike and rode it, oh, maybe 3 times. Got the expensive new workout clothes and wore them to the gym maybe 10 times. Thought about plunking down $400 for a new treadmill, but luckily got a free one from the neighbor -- I've used it once since January.

    All that planning to exercise -- it's a lot of exercise, you know what I mean?

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  26. Before kids, I used to ride my bike over 25 miles in a weekend. We would bike from the coast of Newport Beach up to Sunset Beach and back. Fast forward about oh..15 years or so...the only thing I ride these days is the stationary bike, at the gym, about once every 6 mos. and after buying copious gym memberships (you try taking 3 kids to the gym with you!) So I don't go these days. But I have really good intentions.

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  27. Seeing as I am winded by the walk down to the dam and back, I have nothing to say. Except I will meet you for drinks at Blogher - and you don't get to poke my roll of fat.

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  28. Oh, I wish I had it in me to buy new stuff. I'm still wearing the same clothes that I wore to work out in college. This is not a good thing. Between then and now, I lost and gained and lost and gained, so now they fit again. Ugh.

    I don't suppose it helps that I'm pregnant either, eh???

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  29. OMG, I had a similar experience. I was going to do a 2-day 120 mile ride and one day was rained out. Oh darn. I was so happy I didn't have to do that second day....

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  30. Okay, how did you know I had the Title Nine sportwear website open in another browser? I was just getting ready to plunk down a chunk of change for a decent pair of pants in which to feel comfortable pushing a stroller.

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  31. How funny... I've recently have decided I need to take up some exercise too. And I hit some of the workout clothes racks of my favorite stores today...

    Good luck!

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  32. hehehe @ "i just LOOK like im wearing pajamas"
    I really AM wearing pj's m'self.

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  33. You're suddenly making me feel better about cancelling our Y membership uh...nearly two years ago when I got pregnant with girlchild #2.

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  34. I like "work out" clothes because I consider them transition wear. They transtion from day to night, meaning, of course that I can sleep in them and run my errands in them the next day and everyone will just assume that my messy hair and around frenzied appearance is a sure sign that I must have just done a killer work out. I'm a big fan of the active wera department.

    But I look like an asshole in sneakers, so they defeat me.

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  35. Living in a cold climate, this is my second year experiencing "winter body". It sucks. I've gained 10 pounds, my skin is fishbelly white and dry like a lizard and I'm waaayyy out of shape.
    I like "summer body" much better. I hope I'll see it again sometime this year.

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  36. My husband and I joined the Y 6 weeks ago. We both had to go buy $60 tennis shoes and new clothing. As we had no athletic shoes to our name. We have been going faithfully - about 4 times a week. I am about to give up as I have gained 5 lbs and my clothes are tighter! What is up with that??? I think the whole excercise thing is a scam.

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  37. I used to scoff at SAHM in their work-out wear. Of course this was before I became one. I am now the ma in the little sweat outfits with shiny new work-out shoes. Ack! What has become of me? I believe the main reason for this is that I simply cannot justify buying new jeans, capris, tops, and skirts when I have a gazillion of these items in my pre-pregnancy size. However I can justify purchasing new work-out digs, because I just know that tomorrow will be the day that I start my marathon/pilates/yoga/boxing regimin. Hence, why I now have a collection of sweat-free sweats.
    p.s. when I did actually work out, I had no little outfits, just ripped out t-shirts and cut-off sweats. Nuts!

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  38. Hi!

    Me again!

    Just wanted to be a pest and let you know that I've tagged you. Blame the Pajama Mama.

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  39. Very cute post. Especially the book for midpoint in your powerwalk. I guess you would be doing some power reading.

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  40. New shoes definitely make you run faster. Trust me, I know!

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  41. "Tell us again why you need a tracksuit to watch Oprah."

    LOLOLOL...I'm just the same. I love gearing up but the actual exercise? Not so much.

    And when you go shopping, don't forget a little clip-on pedometer...the fake exerciser's accessory of choice :)

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  42. I haven't exercised in so long! There's a park right on our doorstep and I never once jogged in it!

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  43. This was hilarious and I can so relate!

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  44. ironically enough, this was in this morning's paper & i read it instead of doing my 20-minute yoga dvd...

    http://www.sacbee.com/content/lifestyle/story/14244233p-15062798c.html#more_images

    you can pretend you're all up in da club instead of sweating your arse off in a stinky gym! and in really overpriced nike workout gear stitched by nutritionally-deficient 4 year-olds!

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