How To Avoid Having Me Call You A Turd
Under My Breath, Volume 2
STOP writing, singing and recording songs that have the words 'My DJ,' 'Mr. DJ,' 'Hey, Mr. DJ' or anything remotely resembling the 'I'm Down With The DJ' theme. You all know who you are. Stop it already.
DO NOT cut in front of me in line when I look away for a moment to ask my chlidren a question. The next time you do, check the back of your head - I have a bag in my purse that contains a mixture of pre-chewed gum, Nair and fish tank scum and I won't hesitate to use it. You will rue the day you stepped between me and my McFlurry.
DO NOT grow your fingernails to a length of 1-1/2 inches, paint them bright pink and then put some of them fancy butterfly decals on, especially if you work in a place that sells FOOD. I'm afraid, very afraid, that I will find one of your neon claws rattling around with my salad greens, or worse yet, floating like a teeny raft on the surface of my milk. I'm not sure how it would get in there, but my fear, IT IS REAL.
A short list today! Me, Now With 20% Less Crank! Hugs for everyone!
Archive File: Cranky
Ahhh, you provide such comic relief to one raised in a totally stoic atmosphere...
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