There is this joke that I hear often, and by often I mean at least two or three times a day. I hear it from different people, but it usually happens when the baristas, or Distillers Of Life-Sustaining Sacrament, as I like to call them, at Starbucks ask for my name to write on my cup. (You know, so they don't accidentally give my double-tall-half-caf-percent-cap to the single-vente-skinny-mocha-with-whip chick, cause that would be catastrophic.) When I tell them my name, they get all clever and say, "Marsha Marsha Marsha." GET IT? Like in the BRADY BUNCH? Isn't that JUST SO DAMN FUNNY? I mean, isn't that freakin HYSTERICAL? Exactly.
When you've heard the same lame joke for years it starts to get tiring. Usually I just say something like, "That's SO original, and only the five gazillionth time I've heard it...TODAY." It's hard for them to answer since it's almost impossible to talk when I'm pulling their liver up through their throat, but they manage to eek out an apologetic, "Uh, I guess you hear that alot, huh." Lately, though, it's really starting to get on my nerves, so I've come up with a few witty comebacks for the next time some moron decides to subject me to their putrified brain spittle:
"Dickhead Dickhead Dickhead. No, it's not from a movie."
"I see you needed to repeat my name three times. Your medication must not be working."
(As said to the PTA District Council President Who Thinks She's The Queen, who uses the piece of Brady Bunch comic genius every single time she calls me and then actually laughs at her own cleverness:)
"I'm going to put that joke in my box labeled 'Old, Tired Things That I'm Sick Of.' Oh, look. There's some room left for you."
"I'm going to kick your ass."
Any other suggestions would be welcomed.
Archive File: Cranky