I'm a huge David Sedaris fan. I've read all of his books twice, eat up his occasional pieces for The New Yorker, and when I saw him live earlier this year I even briefly considered waiting in the line of two-hundred-plus people just to get my copy of Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim signed. Instead I sat at a nearby table where I drank my nine dollar glass of wine and fantasized how I would trick him into coming to my next dinner party. I had gotten to the part where he takes out a restraining order, when I was brought to my senses by Rigel pointing out that I was smashing my plastic tumbler into tiny pieces and mumbling, "But all I wanted was to be your friend!"
Yesterday, as I was browsing the bookstore, lamenting the fact that it had been two whole years since his last new release, I came across this book, written by his sister Amy. I'd seen her occasional appearances on David Letterman and as Carrie's agent on Sex and the City, but had never read anything she'd written until now.
It's a how-to book on entertaining and contains actual recipes for things like Roast Leg Of Lamb, but the text is like something written by the local Girl Scout leader after a night of tequila slammers. You'll find recipes for Vulgar Barbecue Sauce and even useful beauty tips such as how to use cigarette ashes to remove hair color from your hairline. And how awesome is it that I can follow her recipe for white frosting with figs and then, on the facing page, find tips for keeping my private parts clean and fresh!
The first thing I saw when I flipped open the book was this recipe for hot dogs, and after reading the first few steps I knew that I had found someone else to stalk.
Mrs. Hog's Hot Dogs
- Wake up.
- Turn the stove on.
- Get a pan, put water in and boil it.
- Drop hot dogs in boiling water but be careful not to splash boiling water on yourself.
A Self-Realized Person Will...
- Be unique in a way that is pleasing to everybody.
- Accentuate the postives – medicate the negatives.
- Have a hairstyle that is flattering to some and offensive to few.
- Have access to money.
- Never cry herself to sleep in front of others.
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tags: amy sedaris | i like you | david sedaris