Lying, Deceit and Self-Absorption - Some Moms Can Do It All!
When I saw that teeny molar still sitting on her bed this morning, I mumbled something about "fairies not flying in the rain." Jeeez.
MomSecrets from my past:
• Bad Mommy
• Next Up: Stealing Shopping Carts From Homeless People
As long as the "Toof Furry" is willing to pay the penal rates of interest applicable in this situation we can overlook this minor default but Lord Gob, the Goblin King of the buccal cavity has asked me to make it very clear to you how disappointed he is. Hold out your hand please.
ReplyDeleteAwwwww. For punishment, you must read out loud every Dr. Seuss book ever written.
ReplyDelete*Insert maniacal laughter here*
You are going to burn in heeeeeeellllllll.........
ReplyDeleteYou need a backup plan for these situations. Like... "Ooops. Looks like she put it under the wrong pillow." :)
ReplyDeleteOh man. I can totally see this coming in our house. The tooth fairy is going to go AWOL at least once and we're going to have a very upset little girl on our hands. I must repent in advance.
ReplyDeleteDude. A lot of shit doesn't happen due to blogging anymore... :)
ReplyDeleteCan't fly in the rain, to freaking funny. Poor kid, hope she doesn't find your blog.
ReplyDeletehey, at least you saved a couple of bucks!
ReplyDeletecheapskate ;)
Oh yes. Indeed. Fairies have Very delicate constitutions and can not fly in the rain, or wind, or on nights when stars are shining.....
ReplyDeleteYep been there done that twice! First time we slipped it in right before she noticed, second time, well I can't remember what we said but she believed it.
ReplyDeleteHow much does your tooth fairy leave????
You do know that your MOM-Secrets are like the best thing ever?!
ReplyDeleteNow, we did once forget all about the tooth fairy and so while one of us looked all around the foot of the bed with distraught child, the other one of us very cleverly snuck $5 (cuz late tooth fairies are monetarily punished) into the pillow case... lotta cash, lotta effort!
I have nightmares about that. And the worse part is I know that I WILL do it someday, and there's nothing I can do about it.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid, I was washing my tooth so it would be all sparkley for the tooth fairy, and I accidently washed it down the drain. I bawled my head off until my much older brother had the idea that dad should write a note to the tooth fairy explaining what happened :)
I've done it, twice. Both times I snuck it in under her bed, and cried out, "Honey, it's right here! It must have fallen under your bed!"
ReplyDeleteSAAAAAAAAVE.
...By "it" I mean the cash. Our tooth fairy doesn't take teeth. My daughter won't give them up.
ReplyDeleteI was a wicked kid and knew the tooth fairy was fake. So I'd tell my parents that "she" would leave other kids $10 bills!
ReplyDeletewhoopsie! Perhaps the tooth fairy just ran out of gas on her way over and couldn't afford to pay at the pump. Oh wait, tooth fairies fly don't they? Shit, guess that won't work.
ReplyDeleteROFL! I have BTDT, absolutely. "Honey, maybe T.F. was thinking you were so attached to the tooth that you wouldn't want to give it up.."
ReplyDeletetoo funny. I mean too funny that you admitted it...
I used to do some slight of hand and put some money under girls pillow while I was tucking them in bed. I didn't want to forget while waiting for them to go to sleep. One time, I had no sooner tucked my daughter in when she came running into my room with the money in her hand. She said, "The tooth fairy came already. Was I asleep and didn't remember it?" And I said...."Yes...You were asleep already." Well, you can get away with that sort of thing at least once.
ReplyDeleteThis was one of my very first blog posts...how we went like, 5 weeks forgetting to be the Tooth Fairy and Daniel was all kinds of disapointed!
ReplyDeleteI formally request your presence for martinis.
I didn't think the whole tooth fairy lie was still around. Can't I just skip that one when J is old enough?
ReplyDeleteDo you know how many times I have forgotten that damn tooth fairy?! I've done the sneak the money under the pillow thing, I've done the write a note from the tooth fairy apologizing for running out of money thing, I just suck.
ReplyDeleteDid you watch Idol? I think they both are lame and I still don't care who wins. But I am also WEAK, because I SWORE I wouldn't watch!
So glad to know that you're human, SPM. Sorry if now your child realizes that the tooth fairy is too.
ReplyDeleteI am loving this series hard.
ReplyDeleteBeen there. Thought I was the only one! Has one of your kids ever found money AND their tooth under the pillow? Um, yeah. Explain that! (I think I turned it around on my son and accused him of trying to "trick" the tooth fairy, or something equally ridiculous!)
ReplyDeleteI found your blog yesterday and it's awesome. Going to add it to my blogroll. I really love how you write.
ReplyDeleteOff topic, sort of, but I wanna know what you're supposed to tell your kid when they find the fu***ng teeth that the tooth fairy was supposed to have taken up to his castle way up in the sky?! I stuttered and stammered more over this question than the "where do babies come from?" question.
ReplyDeleteOver here the "dishwasher fairy" and the "cooking fairy" sometimes forget to visit when she's blogging. LOL.
ReplyDeleteLove the MomSecrets series. You're going to have to work on you're excuses, though, mom. And is it not enough that we have to play Santa and Easter Bunny, but that we also have to remember to pay out for lost teeth? Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteDamn! That is a bummer. At least you thought of a creative excuse.
ReplyDeleteOK...I did the same thing...with my son's front tooth last month!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't blogging, I just *gasp* forgot...I still live with the guilt.
I hate the toothfairy thing. Big Pain. when one of mine was like 7- he had to get one pulled. he was all like 'hey, can't wait to put this under my pillow'. I told him it cost me $150 to get that tooth out, the toothfairy wasn't coming. which did me fine until we had another kid-
ReplyDeletehi! thanks for visiting my photoblog! i wish i was in your city becasue you and your girls sound so fun i would love to take pictures of you. i am in the boston area, that isn't too close to you, right?
ReplyDeletei love your funny stories!
Aww. I'm sorry. Like there isn't enough guilt to mothering without adding this!
ReplyDeleteOh I did that once, but fortunately the tooth had fallen behind her bed so she just thought the fairy was being cheap.
ReplyDeleteI told her the fairy needed money for gas.
as long as you don't take the money out of her piggy bank to put it under her pillow, I'm sure you will be forgiven. Maybe.
ReplyDelete:D
Well, at least it was raining - so, that was some quick thinking. At least you didn't say something like, "Honey, there was a traffic report on the news, an accident, the tooth fairy jack-knifed on Molar Magical Highway heading north and there was a 30 fairy pile-up. It's going to be a few days before they can send more tooth fairies up our way..."
ReplyDeleteYou're killing me with these post cards! So funny!
ReplyDeleteOh, I have soooo been there!
ReplyDeleteOne time the tooth fell behind the bunk bed (I am all for those cute tooth boxes, but we didn't have one) and I had to go all commando with a flashlight and super stretchy arms to get it out without waking up my son! It was crazy and I was scared to death he'd wake up.
Now, I put the fairy money on my pillow to remind myself to get the deed done before I go to bed!
Join the club, chica...doesn't it just make you feel like a piece of bird shit? But the rain was a good idea...butterflies don't fly when it's raining, for good reason.
ReplyDeleteOh my god is that funny. YOU are funny.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, you ought to start up a Post Secret offshoot for all these Mom Secrets. Post Secret depresses me, but your Mom Secrets crack me up.
*snort*
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome.
We haven't lost any teeth..since we're still in the progress of cutting them, but it sounds like something I would do. Don't be too hard on yourself. Cute postcard!
ReplyDeleteOh, but thats just to be expected. International flights are cancelled for less. Try this...Leave bits of cotton fluff running down the stairs, stick some in the screen window where there is a wee hole and when the kids get up on Easter morning, say, "The Mole thought it was a prowler and chased this giant bunny through the house. He escaped through the screen window"!!! Yeah, he did that! A sense of humour is a weird and wonderful thing, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteYou do the BEST postcard secrets.
ReplyDeleteYou could do your OWN book! I'd buy it!
ReplyDeletehehehehe. That'll be me. My youngest has a loose tooth as we speak. :) You are SOOOO funny. So funny.
ReplyDeleteOh YOWZA! Fortunately, kids will believe anything. I mean, reindeers can fly, right? They're so easy to dupe it's almost fun!
ReplyDeleteoh dear. lol.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the middle of feeling like a badmommy myself which I just posted. Oh the guilt! We should all learn to just let it go.
ReplyDeleteSend it into post secret, now!
ReplyDeleteMine would be more like: "mommy forgot to pick up the crying baby because she was blogging." Nice, huh?
My kids KNOW there isnt a tooth fairy and they still hold me up for the cash! I caught my daughter counting her baby teeth in terms of $$ to be had!
ReplyDeleteI want that on a T-shirt.
ReplyDeleteI want that on a T Shirt too. How did she take it? I don't think my daughter would have bought it. Even now she looks at me with skepticism, and she's only two. She doesn't buy the Easter Bunny at all. She does, however, full out, wholeheartedly, believe in Santa. That one she swallowed, gulped and chased down with some milk and cookies.
ReplyDeleteOh you are so funny...
ReplyDeleteI love this!
Our tooth fairy forgets all the time! And the excuses I come out with...
"Oh you left it all wrapped up... oh she'll never see it!"
or
"oh it fell behind your bed"
or - getting desperate here...
"Oh maybe she didn't have any change!"
or my all time deceit...
on seeing the tooth still there, waiting till kid has gone down for breakfast, slipping a note under the pillow WAY over to the side...
then telling that child to go look again...
"I mean did you REEEALLLLLLY look, even right over to the side?
So far - 11 years - I have got away with being the shittest fairy on earth...
You have nothing on me....
LOl! OMG! I've used all those lines too! Glad to know I'm not the only slacker fairy...
ReplyDeleteI tell my kids that the tooth fairy goes in alphabetical order, and since our last name starts with S, and so many kids lose teeth, she just couldn't get to our house in time. It helps that they're really gullible.
ReplyDeleteThat "not flying in the rain" line is not bad — provided it was actually raining :)
ReplyDeleteWendy, that is WAY more effort put into lying than I ever want to make :)
ReplyDelete66 comments! HOLY CRAP woman. You are on a fast track to stardom for sure. I can't believe that you are THIS popular and still visit my blog. I am blushing. :) Thanks....
ReplyDeleteMy kid's only 14 mo. old and I'm already dreading these moments. Good on you, love the image.
ReplyDeleteThis is so funny, because it is my life. My problem is that usually my kids are too ramped up waiting for the money, that I get tired and fall asleep before they do! Or, we have no cash on hand and have to raid the change jar. The tooth fairy can't really leave an iou, can she?d
ReplyDeleteThat excuse reminds me of the one we used sometimes... you hid the envelope (with the tooth in it) & the Tooth Fairy didn't see it. We'll try again tomorrow. Whew!
ReplyDeleteWe have soooo done that here....several times. At our house, the tooth fairy hides the money somewhere. This hatched one morning when our then 6yo was looking for the money under the pillow and saying "she forgot me"...all the while my husband was grabbing his wallet and hiding a dollar on the dresser beside the bed.
ReplyDeleteSo, now it is a treasure hunt when the tooth fairy comes to visit.
Haha!
ReplyDeleteIt's not funny, but it kinda is...
jody, that's a great idea. My kids are too old now but I will save this for the grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteShould I be laughing? LOL
ReplyDelete