Oh Say Can You See

Wow. It seems that I have not written in awhile. I guess time flies when you're busy writing hate mail to garage door companies (spelled A-N-A-H-E-I-M   D-O-O-R) or trying to shave twenty years off your body by maniacally riding your Lady Schwinn (bought at Toys R Us - I'm serious folks!) every single day through the park while people point and stare because your ill-fitting helmet looks as if you're wearing a large, black neon-striped pile of dung on your head and, good God you really don't know how to ride a bike now do you. I'm not talking about me. For sure not! Me, I haven't written because I've been in Cabo, tanning my nineteen-year-old's body to a deep, dark bronze and doing lap dances for wealthy owners of Fortune 500 companies.

We had a fun Fourth Of July weekend. I'm not a big Fourth Of July person, due mainly to my ambivalence about any holidays that don't involve the giving and receiving of gifts (Christmas, Easter) or the liberal stuffing of ones piehole (Thanksgiving, Tuesdays) but that's because I'm a shallow, empty shell of a human. Any of you willing to try and save me go right ahead.

But this Independence Day weekend was a good one! It started with a celebration for my mom's birthday, who turned 84 on Saturday. Happy Birthday Mom! (Unfortunately she doesn't have a computer and in fact, doesn't know this website exists, but all of you out there who know her make sure and give her a birthday hug and just try and explain to her what a 'blog' is) For some inexplicable reason all celebrations and funerals in my family call for large get-togethers at Chinese restaurants. No, we're not Chinese, but the chow-mein and the almond duck and the barbecued pork, it is all just so festive! And so we ate.



On Sunday the adventure that is our life continued. We decided to drive to Santa Barbara via Highway 126. I love this route because of all the little fruit and produce stands dotting the highway, which is the one thing Rigel dislikes about it - please ask him about his aversion to these proud symbols of Californian agriculture, his displeasure remains a mystery to me. Before we left on this drive, I declared in a loud, authoritive voice, "Hear me now, THIS TIME will be THE TRIP when we finally stop at one of these here little stands! I mean it mister! When I say pull over, I mean PULL OVER." And pull over he did, to which the girls complained, "Oh geez, why are we pulling over HERE?" When I told them to come with me and explore the abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables and two hundred flavors of beef jerky, Kira, not wanting to budge from the van lest she break a sweat or soil her glass slippers replied, "I can see it fine from the car."

It's amazing how quickly a reluctant husband and two inert little girls pile out of a van when you whip out the mace! I had to keep that sucker trained on them the whole time, but it was worth it - you should see the beautiful plums I picked up, and the garlic pistachios are really yummy!

Next, on to the Cutest Little Town In The World, Filmore. Here are some pictures I took there. We never got out of the car, I guess Rigel was afraid to stop - the fireworks stand looked too much like the one where I bought all the produce and it was bringing back too many bad memories. I took these while we were stopped at traffic lights. If there was an audio track you could hear me yelling at Rigel to roll down the window, and then the blaring of horns behind us as I tried to get a good shot, and then me cussing at the camera, and then Rigel yelling at me to hurry up and take the picture already. Happy 4th Of July!



These were taken in Santa Barbara, at The Most Beautiful Park In The World. I don't know if you've heard this, but there are alot of rich people in Santa Barbara. Oprah has a house there! Rumor has it she paid for this park by emptying all the spare change out of her purse one Sunday.



Here are my girls frolicking on the beach. They were having fun, in spite of Rigel and I yelling at them not to get wet. At the BEACH. In the OCEAN. We're a couple of fun ones, me and the husband!

 

Archive File: Offspring | Family | This Life

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